Emotions // Billie Eilish - (on hold)

Chapter Fourteen

"I'm sorry I wanted to tell you.. but I couldn't."

"... when did it happen.." billie said, she sounded hurt and offended

"A few days ago.."

"After we...?"

"Yeah..But billie, it's not that I didn't enjoy it I did it's just the next day I was reminded of Adam and all he did to me.." I said feeling tears well in my eyes.

"why didn't you tell me.."

"I was scared. scared you'd leave me"

-

A few hours later billie had to go out on stage, it was agreed for my safety I wouldn't be aloud to watch in the audience like I normally would.

So I sat down on the floor and waiting for her to come back. I found it very easy to snap inside my own head, it was like a black hole, nearly impossible to get out off.

-

BILLIES POV.

I jumped and shouted as the lights flashed, an electric energy filling the room.
"You should See me in a crown!" I yelled, leaping into the air as the crowd screamed and lights flashed.

Before long the set came to an end and I jogged off stage I was greeted with hugs from my mum and fin. I wore a bright smile, performing always made me super happy, I loved watching people in the crowd share my energy.

I walked down the hall to the changing room.
I noticed lily sat in the same place I'd left her, baring in mind my set was nearly 5 hours, she hadn't moved.

She was sat on the floor against the wall. Knees up slowly rocking, her eyes shut and her hands pinching at fat on her arms, legs and stomach.

I stopped walking which caused my mum and fin to stop and turn to me.

"I'll catch you up in a moment.. I need to talk to lily.." I said.

They exchanged a smile at me before they kept walking, they didnt ask questions, they didn't need too.

I slowly crouched down to lily so I would be face to face with her, she was so far inside her head she didn't even notice i was there.

"Baby.." I said slowly and softly as I placed my hands over hers to stop her pinching herself.. shed been doing this a while as her skin was covered in red marks.

Her eyes snapped open as if she had been electrocuted and her body jolted.

I watched as she slowly calmed when she realised it was me.

I stood up and held my hand out for her to take.

She took my hand and I led her to the dressing room with me. Neither of us said a word of what just happened.

She stood by the Mirror, looking over her body.

"How was your show?" She asked not breaking her gaze from the mirror

I walked over and hugged her from behind, resting my head on her shoulder.

"I missed seeing you in the audience." I said.

I watched her eyes and mind soften in front of me.

"I wish I could have seen."

"Don't worry. When your better you can watch again. I've got plenty of shows left." I assured her, I slowly kissed her neck and laughed as she squirmed under my touch.

I placed my hands on her hips and turned her around to face me.

"Hey so me and my mum where talking and we decided seeming as we have 4 days before the next show we are gonna go home in between, I think we all need a short break." I said, she didn't reply just nodded. I kissed her before walking away to gather my things, she went straight back to the mirror, now grabbing her hips where i had just touched her. i frowned, feeling sad she couldn't see herself the way i saw her but i didn't say anything.
-

We'd been on the tour bus for 4 hours now so I knew we were nearly home. Me and lily where sat at the back of the bus. She was laying across the back row with her head on my lap, fast asleep.

I sat looking out the window as I fiddled with her hair.

I moved my hand down and gently stroked her cheeks with my finger tips. I looked at the cuts and the scars on her ankle.
It broke my heart to see her like this.

A few moments later we reached our driveway. I lent down and kissed Lily's forehead and whispered

"We're home." I said. She groaned and turned to face the seats, hiding her face in my jumper.
I rubbed her arm as I slowly shifted from under her. i stood behind her waiting for her to get up but she refused.

I noticed fin stood near the door of the bus waiting for us. I gave him a weak smile as I tried again to get lily to move but she wasn't budging.

"Baby come on we have to go inside..." I said. No response.

It didn't take long for fin to walk over.

"Billie here take my bags for me." He said passing me 2 backpacks and a rollable suitcase.

He scooped lily into his arms and walked off the bus. I chuckled as I pulled my phone out and snapped a picture from behind. I captioned it 'time to sleep.' And posted it. 

We walked into the house and I followed fin and lily to my room. He placed her down in the bed before turning to me and giving me a hug and leaving the room without a word.

-

LILY'S POV.

I woke the next morning at around 8am next to billie. Her hair in her face.

I brushed her hair away and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead before getting up and heading to the bathroom for a shower.

I was about to turn to leave but I hesitated. I walked over to my bag and pulled out a silver blade.

I didn't notice i was to far into my head but billie must have woken up.

"..Hey..." she said. Slowly sitting up and putting her legs on the side of the bed. She was wearing a oversized shirt that just barely covered her butt.

I slide the blade up my arm into my jumper, trying to act innocent but I knew she'd already seen.

She stood up and took a step closer to me, I stepped back.

"Lily please.." she nearly begged. She was worried, I could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice.

I took another step away but I hit the wall. In the shock of hitting the wall I didn't realise how close Billie had gotten.

My heart was racing and my body was filled with anxiety, my legs shook as i glanced around for an escape.

She closed the gap between us and pinned me to the wall. She put one hand on my shoulder and her arm across my chest so her elbow was at my other shoulder. She held out her free hand and looked me dead in the eyes.

"It's not worth it. Please give it to me."

I turned away so I wasn't looking at her. I dropped the blade to the floor and billie quickly grabbed it and put it in her pocket.

Tears began to fall as I stood there hopelessly.

Billie slowly released me and I walked over to the bed. I covered myself in the sheets, laying down and began to break down.

Billie sat next to me and held my hand.

"Tell me what to do.. I want to help you."

"You can't." I said coldly. I didn't mean too it just came out that way.

"There has to be something I can do." She said.

"Just be here." I said.

"Ok."

Without another word she laid down next to me and wrapped me in her arms, pulling me into her chest as I cried into her shirt.