Alive (Phan)

ONE

I shuffled into English Language & Lit just as the lecture was about to begin and took my usual seat in the back. I didn't cause a disturbance. I never do. I'm a professional at going unnoticed. I really enjoy my Lit class, although I guess no one would guess it since I sit as far back as possible and avoid answering questions and joining class discussions at all costs. I didn't plan on this day being any exception. I pulled a composition notebook out of my backpack and flipped it open. I looked up at the lecturer, who was droning on about A Streetcar Named Desire. I tried my best to listen, but I found it very difficult since I had already read the play four times. I occupied myself by doodling in my notebook instead, making sure to glance up every few minutes to give the impression that I was taking notes.

It wasn't long before I noticed something was off. Like I said, I am a professional at going unnoticed, so when someone is noticing me, it's like I can feel their eyes burning into my flesh. Usually, whenever you stare at someone, whether it be because they're doing something strange or because you find them attractive, etc., you don't want them to notice the fact that you're staring at them. Any normal person, when caught blatantly eyeing a person, would avert their eyes and attempt to awkwardly pretend like nothing happened, which is precisely what I assumed would happen when I glanced to my right and noticed a lanky black-haired boy in skinny jeans and a blue hoodie staring at me. However, this boy, as I would learn soon enough, was not a normal person.

I had been mindlessly re-tracing a doodle I'd done of a dinosaur for about five minutes when I started to feel his eyes on me. I didn't want to look up, but after an extremely long minute, I noticed him out of the corner of my eye.

Maybe he's just spaced out, I thought. He probably doesn't even realize he's staring. Maybe if he knows I can see him, he'll stop. So I looked up, returning his stare. Our eyes locked. He didn't look away. I attempted to dare him to with my eyes, but he didn't seem dazed in the slightest. After a few minutes of constant eye contact, I began to feel extremely awkward. My eyes wanted to look away, but I willed myself to maintain eye contact. Two could play at this game.

It amazed me how intently he stared as if there was nothing strange about it. After a moment which felt like an eternity he finally looked away first, but only to look me over. After exploring every inch of my body with his eyes, he glanced back at my face and shot me a quick, crooked half-smile before returning his gaze to the front of the classroom. I stared at him in disbelief for a moment, not entirely sure what had just happened. Finally, I returned my attention to my dinosaur, but at this point, I as far too distracted to doodle. All I could think about was that boy. I dared myself to glance back over at him several more times before the class ended, but he never looked at me again.

When the class was over, he was the first person out of the room. I quickly grabbed my notebook and shoved it in my bag as I bolted for the door. I frantically scanned the hallway looking for him, when--

"Hey," the voice came from directly behind me.

"Woah!" I jumped. I turned and was surprised to see him standing behind me.

He took a step forward. "I've never seen you around here before," he said, meeting my eyes with his dazzlingly bright ones.

"I just moved here," I mumbled, suddenly nervous, "right before the start of term."

"Oh, cool," he said, nodding, "I'm Phil."

"Uh, Dan Howell," I said, a little awkwardly.

"Howell, cool. Like a wolf," he laughed a little, but not in a mean way. "Well, Dan Howell, I've lived in Manchester my whole life so, if you ever need anything," he gave me a slight nod.