You're The Reason

7

Forth's pov

Beam hate me.I can see it through his eyes.. His eyes show nothing. He annoy me. We just like a person who just meet for the first time.

"Are you okay forth? You just more quite .."

Lam ask me when we two already in my car.

"It beam..he is different person.. Pha.. Is that his boyfriend? I don't know."

"it's been 3 years ..of course he will change. I don't think so.. Phana just like a friend.. Close friend maybe.."

"It been 3 years .... I'm don't know how to talk to him..."

"I will help you... Make sure talk with him naa.."

 At restaurant.

The doc geng already there.. They choose a big table enough for 5 person. Beam sit middle phana and kit. Maybe his plan to avoid me again then I choose to sit in front him and Lam sit in front kit.

"Have you ever try to eat Korean food before forth?"

phana ask me while write a few menu list.

"Nope.. It my first time.."

"Then why you want to join us??" beam say and glance to us.

"Beam.. I told you right... Remember it.."

Beam just keep silent and hiss to phana.

What the matter between them.. Because beam such a good boy when phana ask him to behave and beam just allow himself to be control by phana..

Not just beam's word make me hurt but the action make me want to close my eyes forever. I'm have not strength to see it.

Sigh.

"Look like you hate forth so much beam." Lam say it and smile playful.

A statement from Lam make me look straightforward to beam's eyes.Beam just glance and keep his mouth pout.

Phana and kit already order the food. I just blink see the menu. I don't know about the dish.. I don't know how to order it .

"Just order ramen.. some kimchi .. And kimbab.."

I'm shock when I heard beam's voice. He still care! I'm blink to see him.. He talk to me..

"Order it . wait for you to order like forever. i will starving."

He just hiss and drink the water.

"Stop drink the water beam. You will full before you eat anything." phana say.

"But I'm starving.."

"I know.. Haiishh.. Sorry forth .. We had a lab at afternoon and do the report so we skip the lunch. that why beam become gummy. Forgive him.."

"No.. It's my bad.. So.. I order what beam say.."

I look at lam..he just like me when look at the menu. I know lam just like me . he never eat Korean food before .

"Make it 2 set then..."Lam look at me and smile.

When food already come. Beam just eat in silent . he don't care about everyone. He just pick the meat that phana grill and sometime phana will serve him in salad and a few dish and feed beam. That make me more feel uncomfortable with them. It the way that they usual do or there something between them.. Kit just rilex and eat the bimbap mix some dish. He did not touch the meat that phana grill .

"You want to try the meat forth?" phana ask me.

"Huh?"

"The meat.. You want to try?"

"Don't.. It all mine!!"

Beam glance angry to me.What can I say.. He cute!!! Make me want to pinch the cheeks.

"No.. Thanks.."

We finish the dinner an hour later.

"I'm going to toilet.. Wait for me na."                                                                                                                      

Beam say and move to toilet. The toilet is inside the restaurant.

Lam give a sight to me follow beam but I'm frozen . i scary if beam will more angry.

"Now or never." lam say it slow. 

I see phana and kit still busy eat some dessert.So slowly I get up and go to follow beam.When I reach toilet. I see beam wash his hand and he glance me through mirror.

"Beam"

I call him but he act like not hear anything and walk pass me..

"Beam..please."

I call his name and hold his arm.

"Don't touch me!! Let me go..." his voice is shaking.

"I will never let you go before you talk to me. Please beam.. I want to talk.."                                  

"You want? But I don't want. Don't force me. "

"Beam.. I'm begging to y.."

"No.. Let me go or I screams right now."

"Beam.."                                                                                                                                                                

"Phana!!!!"

Suddenly beam scream and call phana name. What the fuck he call phana name right now. 30 second phana come and worries face and close to us.

"What? Why you scream beam.. there a lot people here beam.. "

"A strange hold my arm and want to talk me. I'm tired want to back.."

"Beam.. It forth.. He not a strange."

"He is stranger and I don't know him.. Just know his name and talk a few thing does not mean he is someone I know."

CRACK

My hearts breaks into a millions piece. I can't hold myself anymore and move out from them when phana talk nicely to beam. I reach at our table I see Lam look at me with a curious face.

"He is hurt forth for many days more than 3 years.. Cry for more than thousands time.. He hold himself be a strong person.. Everyday he try to forget you.. he think that he was a stupid person. you use him . you make him as toy. use when you want throw away want you hate. he fucking try to stop think about you. But you are always in become his nightmare and he cry again and again.. So.. Did you think that the way want to talk to him now is good enough???"

Kit just say it while play with the food.Kit know it .. Kit already know who am I to beam. I shock with that word..

"I know it .. Beam always talk about you.. But never mentioned your name.. I know it when he call your name when he had nightmare. Phana didn't know who you are.. Just stay away from beam and keep it as a secret from pha.. He will kill you surely."

And then kit go follow beam and phana come to me alone.

"Forth.. I'm sorry.. Beam is weird today.. I have to go.. See you tomorrow.."

And then they just leave me and Lam .

Silent.

Beam is hurt.Beam is suffer.

Because of me!!!