For A Woman

Chapter thirty-three

It was morning and I was sitting in baby Leo's room. He was up and breastfeeding, I kept looking at him with such loving eyes. He was the most beautiful baby, he was my beautiful baby and I was truly honored to have him in my life." Mommy messed up, she messed up bad, but I will not do what my mother did.

You are staying here forever, you will not suffer my consequences, Leo. Things are about to get messy, but I'm damn prepared to fight whatever battle to make sure that my children aren't harmed at all, especially you. Everything will indeed fall into place. I promise Leo," I said as I touched his little soft cheek.

*******

I walked into the kitchen holding baby Leo, the whole family was in here plus Pablo and Raymond." Good morning," I said then gave baby Leo to Leonardo." Pablo, can we please talk outside?"

" Yes, of course," he said and I could see he was a little taken back by my request." Will you be okay?"  Asked Jason and I looked at him for a few seconds, I contemplated his question, why? I don't know, but I felt like I had to. Was I going to be okay?" Yes, Jason, I'll be okay," I lied then walked out the kitchen and Pablo followed behind me.

Pablo and I sat under the gazebo, away from the house. It was a beautiful hot day today, if I could I would just sit here in absolute silence." My mother and father told us that they were separating because they fell out of love and it isn't a good thing to force love. Till one day I came across mother's secret box and that was when I then realized that a man came in between my parent's marriage.

I blamed my mom, I hated her for ruining such a beautiful marriage because my father adored my mom, she truly adored him, but as I read on and found out more. I didn't hate her or blame her because she was doing what made her happy, what her heart wanted and it was sad that it had to be at the expense of my father's heart.

My mother always told us to do absolutely everything and anything that made us extremely happy, because our happiness was extremely important. Pablo why did you fall for a married woman?" I asked and he looked out into my garden as if he was searching for the answer on the grass or in the tree.

I sat here next to him and I didn't feel anger, pain, or disgust. I felt peace and I felt calm." When I met your mother I saw a woman who was trying to figure herself out or trying to bring back the lady she once was. I fell for your mother, married or not, I fell for your mother and it's sad that it was infidelity. Your mother brought me so much happiness, I brought it too, but it was difficult.

I wanted her all to myself, I hated sharing her and at some point, she hated not only having me, but I knew that she loved your father deeply. I saw it in the way she would close herself off when I would try to give her my all. I knew that she would never leave her beautiful life for me, but I also knew that she didn't want to give me up," he said and I could hear the pain in his voice. He missed my mom and he really did love my mom." Why did you not start a relationship after my  parents got divorced?"

" I was angry at her sending my child away, I wanted nothing to do with her. She tried to reach out and meet her son, but I didn't let her because I didn't think she deserved to. It was my biggest mistake ever, when I heard that she had passed I remember looking at Raymond for a few seconds and thinking how he would never get the chance to meet his mother and that is when I told him everything."

" I'm cheating on my husband with his brother and my son is Leo's kid," I said and Pablo looked at me with great disbelief. He was in the situation so I believed that he was going to be the greatest help, help me to properly figure what exactly I was going to do." Oh Samsara what have you done?"

" Look, I know the severity of this whole thing we don't need to cover that part. I just want the truth to come out so that if I need to fight then I fight and then finally get my peace with my children."

" Do you want to be with anyone of them?"

" I really don't know because I'm in love with both of them."

" Are you sure you want the truth to come out?"

" Better from me than anyone else," I said and it just went silent. Before the end of today, Jason was going to know everything and my whole life was going to change.

********

I was in the kitchen doing some things in on the laptop when Jason walked in. I looked at him and he looked up me, it was going to be the last time Jason looked at me so lovingly, but honestly, it didn't matter because I was tired and I couldn't anymore." Samsara you said you wanted to talk to me about something yesterday, but we got interrupted."

" Yes, I did. Jason your brother came into the house and brought not only your joy but also Nina joy. We then started getting to know each other and I realized that we were just like, he started bringing me joy. That joy then turned into something so unexpected, it turned into desire. Leo and I desired each other but didn't do anything about it because I am your wife.

Sooner then we thought we started being with each other physically, emotionally, and mentally. Desire turned into love. I started to love your brother, but never for a second did I ever stop loving you. Never ever wanted to stop. Jason, the night that you came back from your trip I found out I was pregnant and I knew very well that this was Leo's baby.

I'm airing it all out because I'm tired of the lies, I don't want to hurt anymore and this the worst thing I could do to you so it needs to end," I said and I was crying. Jason looked at me, he went pale as if his soul was taken out of his body." What do you expect me to do now Samsara?"

" I don't expect anything from you. Jason, I'm sorry about all of this, I'm sorry for taking away a gift, I'm sorry for not being selfish and only loving you. I'm sorry that I did not fulfill my wife's duties and I'm sorry that I damaged our forever," I said and looked down at my lap.

The truth was out, it was a painful atmosphere and I felt like I was going to be sick." You know Samsara, I may have been a serious mamas boy and did stupid shit, but one thing no one can take away from me is the fact that I bloody loved you unconditionally. My love for you was evident, it was real and it was everlasting. So why wasn't it enough for you, why Samsara?" He asked and he was now crying.

I looked at him, tears running down my face, and said," I never for a second doubted your love. Leo made me feel like my true self, made me feel closer to my mom and her passion. Leo made me realize that if it wasn't for my daughter or you, I'd be leading my dream life. Like I said Leo was me and I loved it." It was silent, it was uncomfortable and we were both crying.

The fate of us was totally doomed and I didn't know if I was ready anymore." Bro I'm sorry," said Leo as he walked into the kitchen. Jason charged at Leo and all of a sudden they were fighting or Jason was hurting Leo." Stop it," I shouted, but they weren't listening. I got out of my chair and tried to break them up, but it wasn't working.

Raymond came into the kitchen, thankfully and he helped to break up the fight. I pulled Jason away and Raymond pulled Leo." You call yourself my brother, but you slept with my wife, you fell in love and now you have a child. I'm done with you all, you've ripped my heart out. Samsara I've given you the best, but I guess you couldn't see that," he said then left the kitchen.

I looked at Leo, who was bloody from his nose and lip. The truth was finally out and now it was time to feel and my god did I feel pain. Breathing was difficult, my head hurt and I felt myself lose balance" Sara," said Leo. I wanted to talk, but I just couldn't so I kept quiet and looked at my wedding ring. I stared at it as I cried my heart out.