Where Were You in the Morning? (Shawn Mendes FanFic)

Where Were You In the Morning? 37

Kinsley
I left Shawn's performance absolutely speechless. I wasn't embarrassed or ashamed. Everything he sang in that song was everything he felt and everything I have caused him. I was proud of him. He finally went on stage and sang after what had seem forever to the outside world. I know no matter what I do can repay the amount of pain and hurt I have given him. I deserve all of this. I absolutely do. I know from here on out he's gonna make a lot of people proud. He's gonna show to everyone music isn't just tunes and melodies, it's a feeling and an escape from reality.
As he finished the song I noticed he couldn't talk in the mic for a moment. Probably because his emotions got to him. I remember him looking back at me and then at the crowd. That was the last time we made eye contact.
I decided to walk back to my label, and I couldn't let me and Shawn's final confrontation leave my head. I felt what I did, and I expected him to forgive me and we would both move on and grow and learn together. But that wasn't the case. I messed up what we had and I will remind myself that for probably a long time so I know to never to do it to someone else again.
"Kins." I stopped as the cold night air hit my face.
"Matthew?" I questioned wondering what he was doing out here.
"I heard he was performing." He began to walk alongside me.
"And I came just in case you needed someone." He explained.
"Oh." I replied.
"You know he wrote a good song." Matthew talked softly.
"He did." I agreed.
"Kinsley." Matthew stopped me to where I was facing him.
"What now?" I could tell he was lost and didn't know where to go on his own, and I didn't either. I was the last person he should have went to for help. Even though I see nothing but love in his eyes, everyone gets blinded at one point of their lives.
"I uh." I stuttered trying to find the right answer.
"I don't know." I looked down feeling myself about to cry knowing I really did lose everything. I dropped my hands to my side feeling useless.
"You know Matthew. You should go be with Lauren." He remained silent.
"Look, I love you Matthew." I bit the bottom of my lip.
"And you have been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and at one point I did see myself with you. But Lauren, Lauren will love you more than I ever could." He looked away as I knew that's not what he wanted to hear.
"She does." I moved his face towards mine.
"She's crazy about you, and I know you're crazy about her. I can see it."
"Kinsley I want to be with you." He corrected me.
"I want to be with you. I love you, and-"
"And what? You think what I'm going through I'm just gonna drop everything and just be with you? That's not how it works."
"I'll help you find yourself. I'll be your best friend. I'll be your everything. Please." A tear softly fell from his eye. I was over giving heart breaks especially to guys who mean so much to me. I turned around walking away from him.
"Kinsley!" He yelled but I didn't look back. I found it easier to do that and get him to be quiet that way. I couldn't deal with this right now. I couldn't. My mind isn't right, and I'm tired of just sitting in my emotions instead of actually going about and doing something about them. I finally reached the label and saw Sophie closing the place. I walked in as I accidentally startled her.
"What are you doing here?" She asked.
"I thought you were gonna be at-"
"I was. But I left." I interrupted her.
"Why the sudden change of direction?" I could still hear the anger in her voice.
"Did he write about you breaking his heart?" She chuckled to herself.
"Because that's exactly what you did-"
"Can you have a damn conversation without mentioning what I do wrong-"
"When will you learn to fix it?" She snapped.
"Sophie. I could really use someone to talk to right now. That's it. If you don't wanna hear it then just walk out."I finally put my foot down towards her. She paused thinking for a moment, she finally sighed and stood up straight.
"What do you need?" She asked.
"I fucked everything up, and I don't know where I'm suppose to go from here on out. I have no fucking idea." I was upset and angry with myself. Just when I think I couldn't get enough answers, I got them.
"Look, I know what you're going through. Everyone hits rock bottom, it literally happens to everyone. The best way I can put this is to just give it time." She began to put her hair in a pony tail.
"You know I was engaged Kinsley?" I arched my brow to her not expecting her to say that.
"You were?" I questioned making sure I heard her right.
"Yea, I was." She smiled to herself.
"His name was Zak, he had brown hair, green eyes, he was insanely tall, and he was a fireman." She nodded as if she knew she had the perfect package.
"The moment he asked me to marry him I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I loved him." Her face looked as if she was a princess living a fairy tale, but that expression didn't last even longer than a second.
"He died three days before our wedding." My shook my head knowing death is always certain and doesn't think twice about who it takes away.
"Was it a fire?" I asked carefully making sure I didn't offend her.
"Car accident. Drunk driver, and a hit and run. He was coming from getting my wedding gift." Sophie looked incredibly strong. She didn't have tears building nothing. Every ounce of pain she had was gone.
"I'm so sorry Sophie. Do you still wear the ring?" She reached around her neck as she softly pulled her necklace from under her shirt and there was a beautiful small diamond ring dangling.
"I find it easier as a necklace. If it was on my hand it would just make me sad." She placed behind her shirt again.
"My point is rock bottom happens, and no one will ever know how much of myself I lost that day. Or how much I cried. I'll never love anyone the way I loved him, and I pray to him every night and see him every day at the cemetery down the street." She smiled to herself once again.
"And that's what got me through. So when I say give it nothing but time. I really mean it, I promise Kinsley." I reached giving her the biggest hug anyone could ever ask for. For as strong as she is, she deserves to be loved. She deserves it. And I know Zak is so proud of her. But she was right, I need to give it time and so does Shawn. I hope he finds someone he loves and is happy with. I hope nothing but the best for him. I may not say it out loud because I'm not ready to yet, but I have to let go. I have to let go because that's the path for a new future.