Tell Me You Need Me [bxb]

C5: Tell Me He Cared.

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Sitting down on the edge of my bed with Jared's letter in my hands I still struggled to open it. It was wrinkled and folded like she had it stored away in the smallest spot ever where no one could find it. My heart was beating fast and I didn't know why.

I really didn't care about what Jared had written for me two years ago but knowing that he had held on to hope from this letter for so long made me curious.

Eric had went home. I couldn't come up with a good enough explanation as to why he had to leave but he didn't question my motives. The last person I ever want to find out about Jared and I was Eric. Telling Eric that he was my first was really biting me in the ass right about now. If he ever found out I lied he'd be crushed... our first night together was so special.

Taking a deep breath I flipped the paper open and began to read.

"Darren, by the time you're reading this I'm probably already gone. I've decided to go to college near my aunts in Arizona meaning I'll be living with her. But I'll be back I promise you, two years tops when you're finally 18 and I don't have to feel so grimy about being with a 16 year old. Don't take this letter as us ending whatever we have cause I like you Darren, I really do. To prove it I've told my parents everything so when I come back we don't have to worry about when I'll come out of the closet. We can just be ourselves, together. I hope you take this letter and keep it until the day I return, no you don't have to write back or contact me in anyway because I have no self control. I'll be on the next flight back in a heartbeat if I hear your voice in any form. I don't know what kind of spell you have over me but I like it. See you in 24 months, don't be too mad at me I'd like to be welcomed home with kisses."

Folding the letter back together I threw it as far as it could float which wasn't very far, it landed near my foot. I blinked rapidly at the letter.

There's no way my mother held on to something like that for two whole years. There's no way she dismissed Jared's feelings for me for two whole years. The boy basically confessed his love for me in the damn thing. He came out to his controlling parents for me. I can imagine how nerve wrecking it was and he was alone through all of it.

I couldn't lie. If 16 year old Darren would have read this you damn sure I'd be sitting my happy go lucky ass around waiting for Jared. It just made me think, Jared went all this time thinking I was waiting for him when in reality I had moved on with my life.

Picking up the letter I stuffed it underneath the sheets in my bed.

I then found myself heading downstairs following my mothers voice. I had a few words for her but quickly held my tongue when I saw that she was watching television with L.J and our dad.

"Darren!" My dad greeted with a smile. "I was wondering when you'd come down,"

"Mom can I talk to you?" I ask before giving a smile to my dad. L.J rolled her eyes at me but I chose to ignore her. She'd get over this little fit in a bit.

Getting up from the couch my mother nodded her head and led us out onto the back porch. She folded her arms against her chest prepared to face my wrath.

"You had no right to keep that from me," I immediately spoke. "Absolutely no right,"

She stayed quiet.

"You also have no right in saying who's right for me that's my decision to make and I didn't even get to make it!" I continued clicking my tongue to the roof of my mouth. "You let him go away for two years thinking I was waiting for him mom. Two whole years? Don't you see how cruel that is?"

Wiping at her eyes she nodded her head again. "It had been so long bringing it up now would have been pointless, I was just trying to protect my son,"

"Protect me from what?" I throw my hands out in confusion. "Or were you just trying to protect yourself from the shame of having a gay son? You figure send his lover away he'll forget about it! Maybe that little voice in the back of your head was saying this was a phase and it'll die out soon!"

"Darren!" She gasped putting her hand over her mouth. "I've always accepted you and I always will how could you say that? There's no shame about anything dealing with you,"

"Then what were trying to protect me from? Huh mom?" I question trying to get the truth from her.

"Getting your heart broken," She confessed a few strands of her dark brown hair flowing over her face. "I knew your relationship wouldn't last through his college years especially for someone finally finding themselves! And you were entirely too young to experience pain like that,"

This whole ordeal was giving me a headache.

Pinching the brim of my nose I sighed heavily. "Again that wasn't your decision to make, you're my mother you're supposed to be there to help me up from the pain. Not to prevent it from happening at all. How else am I supposed to learn if you're shielding me from everything?"

"Darren you're speaking like you still have feelings for Jared," She spoke, her eyes widening from curiosity. "Tell me that isn't true,"

Biting down on my lip I looked up at the sky. "I can't,"

Walking over to me she put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed tight in a comforting manner. I shook her loose.

"All this time I allowed myself to hate him and detach myself from him because I thought he left me... I thought he didn't care but finding out that he did—," I cut myself off not even being able to find the right words to string together.

"Darren..."

"Don't Darren me," I began walking toward the house so I could go back to my room but mainly to step a few feet away from her before she smacked me upside the head. "I'm not stupid okay? I won't do anything to mess up what Eric and I have because I love him and I respect him,"

"Do you respect and love him enough to tell him the truth?" She asked. "Because it seems to me Jared still wants you and if he senses that you still want him it's only a matter of time that you're put in a situation that you can't "I love you" out of,"

My hand froze on the door handle. I was again at a loss for words. I couldn't tell anyone anything or I'd be hated by everyone I care about. The thing between Jared and I had to stay buried. Forever.

"Eric and I will remain good. Jared coming back doesn't change anything,"

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