Note To Self (Harry Styles AU)

Chapter Sixty Nine.

Sharp pain hit him straight in the center of the chest when he opened up his journal for the first time in days. So, so many reminders of her. So many memories, so many small details, so many feelings. From the very beginning, there were feelings. Her beauty; captivation. Her smile; adoration. Her laugh; zeal.

And, god dammit, he loved her.

The journal was thrown to the wall, and slipped in the space between his bureau. Hidden from plain sight, he never intended to pick it up again. Not until late at night when his self destructive habits kicked in did he fish it out with his arm wedged against the wall painfully, and he rescued the only thing he had left from her. Bent pages, and too many memories to forget.

The loneliness began to eat away at his sanity. Not the physical loneliness, but the emotional one. Having no one to turn to for the sake of crying and screaming and setting everything that was bottled up free left him feeling overwhelmingly neglected.

He talked to himself all of Monday night, muttering what he needed to say in the empty space of the shop just to let it out, and no one was there to hear.

Ben showed up just as the clock struck 7:45 while Harry was busy wiping the windows down with glass cleaner.

"You look sexy when you stretch real tall."

Harry's arms fell to his sides, his shirt falling to cover the exposed skin of his hips. He wasn't quite tall enough to reach the very top of the windows. "Are you sticking with the flattering thing, or are you blatantly hitting on me now?"

"Always was hitting on you."

Harry wasn't in the mood. "Well, stop."

Ben nodded, and his shoes scuffled on the door mat. "Suggestions this week?"

Harry turned to look at him, and the wad of paper towels in his hands were tossed in the trash bin. "It's not Thursday."

"I was busy Thursday, I postponed to today." A brief pause was filled with the music playing over the speakers. "I appreciate the Adele you've got going on now, but please don't tell me you've been listening to depressed, brokenhearted music all week."

More window cleaner was sprayed on the next pane. He gave up trying to reach where he never could even if he was another six inches taller. "Just coincidence, I'm not that much of a lost cause." He ripped more paper towels off the roll. "I'll be honest, I haven't been listening to anything at all. You're on your own."

Ben wordlessly began searching for a record, and thankfully the song changed.

It wasn't until Harry had completely finished wiping every square inch of the glass (that he could reach) before he spoke. "What're you doing tonight?"

"Masturbating."

Harry turned to face the glass again. "Thanks."

"I'm slightly kidding," Ben chuckled, but he forced himself to be serious. "Nothing, Anna's with her mother tonight so I'm lonely."

That made two of them.

"Can you postpone your alone time?" Harry asked, bending down to pick up the Windex saturated paper towels he'd dropped. "I need human interaction, I've started talking to myself."

"Only if you help me choose which one." Ben held up two records for Harry to see the covers. Nirvana's Nevermind, or Green Day's American Idiot.

"Nirvana."

"Deal."

It took all of five minutes for Harry to cash out Ben's purchase and close the store. Out into the night air, which caressed his skin in one of the most pleasant ways. Summer was finally beginning, and if he weren't debilitatingly sad, he'd be rejoicing. Ben stopped to put his album in his car, and they walked together.