𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞. | 𝘩.𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘫𝘪𝘯

017

[this chapter might involved with some triggering stuff, read at your own risk.]

CHAPTER 17

ITS BEEN A MONTH since hawon had gotten hurt, everyone thought the boy had forgotten about it since they had talked to the teachers in school but he hasn't and it was eating him alive.

three am, the light from the little lamp beside hyunjin's bed was flicked on. the boy sat on his bed staring down at the marble floor beneath his foot.

he couldn't sleep, not when his depression was keeping him awake. tears rolled down his cheeks while he sits there in silence.

he had been tossing and turning the whole night unable to forget how his girlfriend got hurt and he wasn't there to protect her when she did.

it has been weeks since his insomnia had came back, he made him felt even worst with his brain constantly reminding him about his girlfriend getting hurt.

his shoulders shook harder the more he tried not to cry but it only made it worst as he started sobbing hard into his palms.

the silent autumn night was filled with the sound of the boy sobbing and all of a sudden, he just stopped.

it was the next stage of depression; numbness. his whole body had shut off and all he felt was numbness.

the boy played with the razor in his hand, the light from the lamp reflected on the razor; shining it towards his face as he spins the razor.

he had promised, not only to her but to his girlfriend that he would never hurt himself ever again and he was about to break that promise, again.

blood dropped down his wrist as he let go of the razor, causing it to hit the floor with a click. the sound echoes the whole room as the boy leans his head back against his bed.

"you're such a disappointment." he mumbled softly, his tears shined under the light from the lamp as he shut his eyes; finally being able to fall asleep again.

THE NEXT DAY, hyunjin woke up feeling like trash. it was a beautiful saturday morning, yet the boy still felt like dying.

his phone ringed loudly on the table beside him, his girlfriend was calling him for his daily dose of sweetness to brighten up his day.

he answered, "g'morning!" her cheerful voice spoke though the phone. her voice was enough for his heart to start jumping like crazy.

"hey." hyunjin's voice was raspy from crying last night and the fact he just woken up made it deeper than it already was.

he knew his girlfriend could hear it. "are you okay?" her question made hyunjin sigh, was he okay? probably not.

"I'm sorry." he didn't knew why was he apologising, he felt the need too. it was probably his guilt from breaking the promise last night.

he heard a sigh before she answered. "I'm coming over." the call ended, hyunjin didn't get his usually morning sweetness from her which made him felt bad for making her sad.

HAWON ARRIVED at the hwang's mansion, she was greeted by the guards and maids around the place with a small smile before she entered the house.

without waiting, she quickly got upstairs and made her way to her boyfriend's door. she knocked softly before opening the dark wooden door.

her heart ached at the sight in front of her, hyunjin was sitting on his bed with his head in his palm while dried blood was on the floor and his razor was beside it.

"oh hyunjin." she shut the door and made her way to him, hyunjin was immediately pulled into her warm embrace before he started sobbing again.

"I've tried but I couldn't, I'm sorry." hawon's eyes started to tear up, she wish she found out that about hyunjin still felt bad about not being able to protect her.

she strokes hyunjin's back as she mumbled comforting words to him, "it's okay, hyunjin, it's okay." hawon took a deep breath before she pulled away from him.

"hyunjin," she paused, the boy had finally managed to calm down and she didn't want to make him cry again but she knew what she was going to do next would trigger him.

"you need help. I know you don't want help but please, hyunjin." she begged, she knew hyunjin always hated the idea of going to therapy.

"but I- hawon." hyunjin's eyes met hers, they both had teary eyes and it made both of their heart ached.

"hyunjin- I can't be with you, when you don't even know how to love yourself. I can't love you, if you don't love yourself." hawon felt her heart broke into two as she finished.

hyunjin's hand immediately fall from her sides, his face dropped. his heart had hit the bottom and broke into millions.

"you're leaving me?" hyunjin mumbled. hawon felt tears building up again, his voice sounded so heartbroken, it made her felt really bad but she wanted him to get better.

"it's not forever, I promise." hawon broke down, she sobbed. her heart was crying out for her to not break up with hyunjin but she couldn't let herself do that, he needed to get better.

"I love you, please don't leave me." hyunjin spoke, his voice trembled. his whole body was shaking and his mind was projecting everything he did wrong in the past.

"hyunjin I can't-" she tried reaching out for him but hyunjin pushed her, hard. hawon fell onto the door with a loud thud, the razor had cut hawon's hand without hyunjin noticing.

his whole body was shaking, he was having a panic attack. he wanted to scream and break things. "I think you should leave." he said.

hawon stood up before she ran out the door, before she reached the stairs. she heard the screams from hyunjin's room and things breaking.

her blood was dripping onto the floor as her whole body shook in pain from hyunjin pushing her and the sadness from her heart.

her legs gave out and she fell onto the floor, her hand was the only thing keeping her up from falling down the stairs.

her blood has smeared all over the white floor and the stairs wooden railing. "please help him get better, dear lord." she prayed before regaining her energy to stand up.

she stood outside the house and glance at the window, "I love you too." she mumbled softly, under her breath. she wiped her tears before leaving the property.

••••
how's all my soft stans doing? this might be a little to much for you all, especially smolhoon

I wasn't planning to write this part in this chapter but I've decided to put it anyways.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! thank you so much for reading!

lots of love,
author.