I Wish You Liked Boys // cashton

chapter fourteen

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His hand lingered on the reflective surface of his casket, lights flashing back at him through the shine of the wood. He bit the inside of his cheek tightly, a sob pulling at the back of his throat as he finally gazed into the open end of the box.

He laid there peaceful, almost like he had just fallen asleep and would awake any moment now. But he wasn't coming back. No matter the amount of stars he wished on in the night sky, the amount of petals he picked off a flower, and prayers he sent to the sky, he was gone, and in a way, it was his fault. In a way, he killed his best friend.

He didn't know that he was slowly tearing him apart just by being there, and he especially didn't know that the boy he saw grow into his best friend would ever imagine him as anything more than a brother. It wasn't until it was too late that he realized maybe his smile never reached his eyes because he was jealous of his girlfriend for having him, not because he was jealous of him for having her. It wasn't until he was dying did he realize that he was in love with him, and there was nothing he could do.

He could have tried. He could have really tried to learn to love him, or to rekindle to fire that once burned deep in his chest. It was there once, he could have brought it back. The night they shared, the kiss they shared, he could have brought it back.

His nails scraped the casket. "We could have been," he whispered brokenly as his throat tightened. "- we could have had more."

Why didn't he let him save him? Why didn't he just save himself?

"How could you?" He sniffled. "How could you keep it from me for so long? Calum, I loved you."

He felt a hand on his shoulder and his bottom lip quivered as more tears pooled in his eye. "I love you. How could you do this to me?"

"Ash..."

"We had a band." He choked out. "We had our future... and your-your dream, we could have had that together."

"Hey, -"

"- but you didn't let us try." He wailed, his knees going weak as he buried his face in his hands. "How could you?"

"Hey, hey, hey," his best friend soothed as he held his arm. "- it's going to be okay. It isn't your fault -"

"- it's all my fault!" He shouted back at the blond. "I-I pushed it away. I told myself he would never want me so much that I-I believed it, but-but-but-"

Ashton rocked forward and sobbed. Two pairs of arms wrapped around him and he leaned into their embrace. "I'm sorry." He choked out, unable to speak through the thick emotion in his throat.

"Shh."

"It's okay. You'll be alright."

"Sometimes the people we love don't love us back." Michael told him softly. "Sometimes the people we love will never know how we felt."

"And sometimes they're too much of a pussy to admit it." He leaned his head on Michael's shoulder.

"We'll all miss him." Luke spoke up. "We all love him, but it was beyond any of us. It isn't your fault you were late, or you didn't want him."

Ashton would never believe that, but he hopes wherever his best friend was, he knew that he was loved by him and if he had the chance, he'd turn back the clock to make his dreams come true.

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so that was the end of I Wish You Liked Boys! i had so much fun writing this that i might even make another hanahaki fic sometime soo haha. i hope you enjoyed it, and thank you so much for all the comments and votes and love you've given me for this story, it means a lot <3

xx ally