I Wish You Liked Boys // cashton

chapter thirteen

They were alone for awhile now, the result of Ashton being the only one awake to hear his cries of pain at such a late hour. "Hey, hey, it's alright." He soothed, but Calum shook his head.

"It hurts." He practically whimpered, his fingers twitching but unmoving from their position on his chest.

"I know." He said and Calum opened his eyes, vision blurry and stinging with salt water. "Just hold on for me."

"I-I don't think I can." He admitted quietly, his breathing labored despite just laying there in his bed. "It hurts too much."

"You have to." The blond pushed, and Calum could tell he wanted to touch him but refrained from it. "Please. For me."

Calum felt a tear fall down his cheek and he couldn't even move his arms to wipe it away. And when he felt something wet drop on to his face, he couldn't even comfort his best friend. This was the worst kind of Hell, to have him so visibly hurt and not be able to help him in the littlest bit.

"I need you. You can't leave me." Ashton begged him, and Calum smiled smally.

"I know you d-do." He acknowledged, feeling his hazel eyes on his face despite not being able to see them just quite.

Calum tore his eyes away from his best friend to stare at the bunk above him. If he had a dollar for every time he imagined Ashton's body squeezing against his in this small space, he wouldn't need to work another day in his life. He envisioned their beings overlapped, a head on his chest with tangled limbs as they tried to get the small blankets to cover both their shoulders and feet. Breath on skin, hair tickling their faces, heartbeats intertwined to one.

Ashton flicked a light on and immediately Calum turned to face him, interested in indulging himself one last time in his features despite them being embedded in his head. He watched his mouth move with dazed eyes, but couldn't hear a word he was saying. Even dying, he still can't help but notice how soft his lips looked and how deep his dimples fell. How gentle his features were.

"- can I?"

He had no idea what he was agreeing too, but he let his mouth run before his thoughts. "Yeah."

He leaned forward, and Calum's heart raced as he watched his face come closer and closer until his breath was fanning his face. He smelt like mint, had he even slept at all that night since he brushed his teeth? Hair tickled his forehead and despite the turning and twisting in his stomach that begged him not to be so close without an ounce of feelings for him, he let him. Why not? He's doomed anyways.

Ashton pushed his lips against his. They were soft despite being bitten raw and smooth probably with saliva, but it still sent shocks through his veins. The way they moved, not totally in sync but not completely off beat, made him feel dizzy. It hurt in all the best ways, and some uncomfortable but he wouldn't bring that up.

If he could move, he'd pulled him closer to him, chest to chest, a knee between his legs and another against his leg. Could they fit in this small space? He's figure it out, and it was definitely for science.

He'd thread his fingers through his silky curls, and tug gently because he knew from observation that he enjoyed. What would it have escalated to if he wasn't on his death bed? What could this have led up to if it wasn't too late?

"A-Ah-"

He felt his heart pump, a burning sensation bleeding through his chest as he momentarily lost his breath. Fire seeped through every crevice of his body, bolting from behind his upper ribcage to below his spleen and then straight through his body to his back. He was too weak to curl up into a ball, too winded to so much as even attempt to move as his lungs ached and felt like they were working overtime just for a small breath.

Ashton pulled away, tears falling down his face as he set a hand on Calum's chest. "Calum?"

He gasped, feeling heat cover his cheeks as the rest of his body ran cold besides for the burning as it felt like his chest was being torn open.

"I'm sorry, I-I forgot, I-"

He immediately removed his hand and Calum blinked up at him as his throat felt like it was closing. This time, he knew it wouldn't be opening up again.

"I love you all." He mouthed, body twitching as he felt his head begin to spin.

"No. No no no. Calum!" Ashton shouted as he bumped his head on the upper bunk and began to shake his best friend awake. "Michael! Michael, help him!"

Calum closed his eyes, mouth agape as he tried pushing for one last breath but couldn't. His body was shitting down, and he could hear his slowing heart rate in his ears. Last thing he felt was hands on his body, cold palms and burning sensations as they screamed at him for just one more moment, one more night.

"I love you." Was the last thing he heard before his consciousness slipped away.