I Wish You Liked Boys // cashton

chapter eight

Everyone could sense that something happened between him and... his friend, but no one knew just what. They asked, both of them didn't speak. They begged, neither of them opened their mouths. He didn't even talk to him during shows, let alone look in his direction, and fans noticed as well. Theories circled, all of them couldn't be more wrong But was it anyone else's business to know that they slept together? Not really, especially when he has someone else to go back to.

Was it their business to know he's dying? Maybe?

Calum poured about two thousand milligrams worth of acetaminophen into his hand before throwing it into his mouth, immediately downing a bottle of water after to help all four pills go down. He twitched as he felt them all roll down his damaged esophagus, and he hung his head low as he felt someone wrap a hand around the back of his neck.

"Can we talk?" He heard Luke's voice and he turned around to face the blond, who's eyes held a sort of serious look. Emotionless, more like.

"I'm not telling you what -"

"- I know."

Calum felt his bones freeze. Cold shivers ran up his spine and he felt his mouth go dry as he saw Luke looking around them like what they were talking about was either illegal or top secret.

"You know what?" Calum tried playing dumb, but the edge to his voice gave him up.

"Come outside." Luke told him and he sighed. He was definitely caught, what's the point in pretending?

Calum grabbed his pack of cigarettes and then followed Luke out the door of their tourbus to a couple of foldable chairs pulled out in the parking lot. "I thought you quit smoking." Luke pointed out and the brunet looked up at him as he pulled one out and placed it on his bottom lip.

"I don't care anymore." He stated, deciding if there was no cure to his sickness he may as well do whatever the fuck he pleases.

Luke shifted. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"How do you know?" Calum asked and Luke tapped on the arms of the chair as he chewed on his bottom lip.

"Remember my ex girlfriend?" He asked and Calum furrowed his eyebrows together. She was still alive and healthy as far as he knows.

"Yeah..." He trailed off and Luke smiled awkwardly.

"Well, I don't." Hs replied and Calum stared at him in disbelief. "I-I got the surgery. I couldn't tell you what we did or her name even if I tried."

He shook his head. "No, you're lying." He accused. "Don't fucking play with me. Not about this."

"Remember that cold I had? And the appendix I took out?" He asked and Calum paused. "Why would I take it out if it didn't bother me beforehand?"

Calum raised his lighter to his cigarette before sucking on the end. "Did it hurt?"

"I never needed prescription because I didn't let it get that far." Luke replied and Calum looked down at his legs. "When Michael kept mentioning flowers and petals everywhere and you starting coughing all the time, I kind of pieced it together."

"Then you know I'm dying... -"

"-no." He cut him off. "You need to get the surgery before it's too late."

Calum shook his head. "No. Not happening. I'll die."

"Your life isn't worth someone who doesn't love you back." Luke told him and the older of the two played with the frayed edges of his jeans as he crossed his legs. "They're not worth it."

"You can say his name."

Luke set a hand on his shoulder. "I can't, I don't know who it is, but he's probably not worth it everything you've worked so harsh for."

He looked up at his best friend and then saw he was tearing up. He was scared, clearly, but he'd be even more afraid if he knew just who it was that didn't love him back. He'd then understand why he doesn't want to remove his sickness. How could the band stay functional of one branch, one main friendship, fell out of place? They weren't on hiatus like Luke was when he got surgery. He had time to recover, Calum didn't. His problem wasn't someone he had to see every day or work with, Calum's was.

"It's worth it, trust me."

"You can't." Luke begged him. "Calum, this is your life you're talking about. You're just going to throw it away like this? Are you even going to tell him how you feel to see if he can try to feel the same?"

"He won't. He's in love with someone else." He replied as he flicked the ash from his cigarette. "It's useless."

"You should tell him anyways." Luke pushed but Calum was unsure if it was a good idea or not. "Maybe he'll realize he'll be happier with you."

Hs tossed the cigarette on the floor and then stomped it out before shaking his head. He was almost amused by how optimistic he was. "Sometimes the best thing to do when you're in love is to be happy for them even if it doesn't involve you... even if it kills you." He told him.

"Who is it?" Luke asked and Calum sighed as he rubbed his numb chest. "At least tell me that."

"Are you see you want to know?"

"I'm your best friend. I deserve to know who to beat up for not reciprocating your feelings." He joked and Calum played with his thumbs. "In fact, you should also tell the other two. They deserve to know, and I know Ashton and you had a fall out, but you're still his best friend and visa versa."

"No." Calum told him, making him furrow his eyebrows. "He's not my friend. Not anymore."

"It couldn't be that serious." Luke rolled his eyes and Calum rose an eyebrow.

"He'a not my friend because... because he's the reason why I'm-I'm sick." He admitted. "He's the reason why I'm going to die because I would rather tunnel myself six foot deep than ever forget about him."

"What?" He whispered and Calum felt tears spring in his eyes. "Ashton?"

"I'm in love with him, Luke. God... I'm so fucking in love with him." He sniffled as he felt the sting of tears in the corners of his eyes. "That's why I can't get the surgery."

Luke stared at him and Calum played with his rings as he nodded solemnly. "That's why I'm avoiding him. It hurts too much."

Luke didn't say anything else, and Calum nodded to the bus as he saw Michael exit with their other friend. "We should go. We have a show." He reminded before standing up and shoving his hands in his pockets.

He didn't acknowledge the drummer, or the longing haze he gave him when he saw him. He just stood by Michael and walked, keeping him in the middle because he couldn't stand to be next to him or to so much as smell him before the show or else he'll be in pain the entire time.