marshall

13/ under pressure

I couldn't fall asleep.
I was tossing and turning in bed until 2 am, thinking about Marshall.
I couldn't really tell if I was mad, angry, disappointed or confused. Maybe all of it.

Finally, I fell asleep a little bit after 2 am, but I woke up at 5 because of Marshall. He came back home from work. Well "work"...
Marshall placed a kiss on my temple after he slipped under the sheets next to me. I was pretending that I'm asleep, even though I wanted to confront him. It wasn't the right time. I could smell weed and cigarette odor. Not a surprise, but it could be a hint.

Morning after. Cold and moody.
"So how was your shift?" I asked Marshall while I was reading some magazine. Well, not really reading. More like turning the pages only.

Marshall gave me a weird look, I rarely ask him about his job.

"Um, it was alright. An ordinary workday" he shrugged. Ordinary, huh?
"Ordinary, yeah right" I shooked my head and scoffed. Sarcasm alert.

Marshall stared at me for a good few seconds.
"Yo what's going on with you?" he asked, his left brow raised.
"What's going on with me?"
"No, I was asking Babe" he pointed at our little fish. "seriously, what the fuck, is wrong with you?" Marshall was irritated. Good.
"There's nothing wrong with me. I have no idea what are you talking about" I shrugged and kept on 'reading'.
"Answer my question yo" he took the magazine from my hands and threw it on the table, "you barely kissed me, you didn't even make me a breakfast" frustrated much? He was like a little kid.
"Oh, let me know when you'll need to change a diaper or wipe your ass" I rolled my eyes and reached for my magazine. At least I tried to reach for my magazine- Marshall grabbed my wrist and placed my arm back.
"I ain't gonna ask again" he was really irritated.

I wanted to give him a cold shoulder instead of yelling at him. The cold shoulder is unbearable for Marshall.

"Nothing's wrong with me for christ sake. I just miss you. That's all"
"Yeah but we are together, like, everyday"
"I know, I know. But it's even worse when I'm here alone when it's dark outside" no, I don't mind being alone when it's dark outside. I just wanted him to regret it even more.
"I know baby, but what am I supposed to do? I can't like, shit coins you know"
"And when I tried to call you last night, I found out a new information" I could see how his face dropped.
"Yo what? You called me?"
"Well, at first, yeah. But since your phone was obviously turned off, I tried to contact your boss or whoever that was"

Marshall gulped. He knows what was coming.

"Care to explain?" I asked, totally calm. But he knew that I'm seriously mad and that he's in some serious shit.

"I have my reasons" his sight fell down on his hands.
"Your reasons? What the fuck, Marshall?" Calm. Down. Tanya.

"Because I know you. If I'd told you, I know you would want me to stop, or go there with me," .. "and both options are either bad for me or for you"

After these words, I was really confused.

"Marshall", I said strictly. "Tell me, or I'll leave"

He was under pressure.
I was under pressure.

He looked me right in the eyes, his face full of mixed expressions.

"I mean it" did I really mean it? No idea.
"You can't be serious, Tanya" he shooked his head and chuckled in disbelief.
"Are you serious with me? You lied to me right in the face, Marshall," I pointed at my face, "and you know that I'm quick with dishonest people" my arms crossed.

"Alright. Jeez" he gave up. I didn't say a word back. Just waited for him to continue.

"So um, basically, I do rap battles" he was really confident, and yet uncomfortable.
"You do what?" I was taken aback.
"Rap battles. Like, uh, against other guys who rap too. If you know what I'm saying"

I nodded my head yes.
"Yeah, and I and my guys are pretty good at it. It's not always easy tho, but it brings me some money" he shrugged.

"Doesn't really sound dangerous"
"There are many other gangs in the game too. Not even gonna start to talk about all those fights, beefs and god knows what else. It can end up pretty bad for ya if they don't like you. If you know what I'm sayin"

"Are you in danger?" that was the only one thing I was thinking about. I don't want to see him beaten up, or something even worse.

"We all are. Iťs nothing serious tho" he rubbed my thigh with his hand.

"Nothing serious? Are you joking or what?" my voice full of disbelief.

"Calm down your tits yo. I've been doing it for a long time" he tried to make me sure.

A long time? Then it hit me.

"What was the last time you've had a night shift?" I asked him straight.

Marshall rubbed the back of his neck.

"Uh, four weeks ago I guess"

Four weeks full of lies.

"Four weeks? God damn, Marshall" I stood up quickly and placed my hands on hips.

"Look, baby. I ain't gonna lie to you anymore, I promise. Just calm down and-"
"Don't you fucking tell me to calm down" I raised my voice at him.

"I'm just trying to protect you"
"Protect my ass" I hissed and headed to the hall to grab my jacket and shoes.
Marshall was right behind me.

"Hey, where you goin'?"
"To work? Oh, no no, wait. I'm going somewhere else. Oh wait again, yeah, I got to go to the work. Hamsters and birds really need me" my sarcasm was like everywhere.

"Come when you'll be serious" I grabbed my little backpack and headed out of Marshall's apartment.

I heard him yell "bitch" from behind the door.

What now?
Where to go?

Should I ask him to stop with the battles?
Should I go there with him?

So many questions and I don't know how to answer.

Do you?