miniskirt.

fifty nine

a/n: flashback to when taehyung asked jennie to look out her window,, also DOUBLE UPDATE, please read the one before!!

"taehyung, what the f—" jennie censored herself.

"what are you doing outside my window? this isn't some fairytale."

"i know." he stuck his hands into his hoodie pockets. "i just need someone to talk to."

jennie frowned in confusion, opening her bayview door wider for him, he stepped inside.

"are your parents home? i can go if they're here—"

"yeah they are, but it's fine. they're probably sleeping or something, i don't know. you're fine." hastily shoving away a few clothes into her closet, she sighed.

"what's wrong?"

"eunji."

she swallowed thickly, nodding. "i-i figured...what about her?"

"i don't know, everything?" he sat down, jennie then noticed how tired he looked.

had this really beaten him up that much?

she watched his jaw clench, hands fiddling under the fabric of his cotton sweatshirt, jennie debated for a few moments before promptly sitting down next to him on her bed.

she crossed her legs, brushing away her loose brown hair.

"i haven't really spoken to her before, what's she like?"

"believe it or not, she acts a lot like you. or she did back then, i don't really know about now. we—uh became friends at the beginning of high school. she had been in my english class."

"and then i asked her out to homecoming, as friends...time passed and bam! i liked her. i had been pretty oblivious to the fact that s-she liked me too." he looked at the floor.

"it had been jungkook who urged me to confess or something. it was really awkward, not at all like those high school romance novels you would read, i felt like slapping myself afterwards by how dysfunctional i had been—it was so embarrassing, i didn't even know what to say. but she did become my girlfriend through that."

jennie's lips curved more into a frown when she saw the bitter smile on his face.

"but you know me, i'm no good at this relationship stuff, i'm not even good at telling people how i feel. i think eunji knew that, but she never said anything."

"that was ultimately the reason i failed at being a good boyfriend. i just never opened up with her, and she was always open with me. it caused us to fight a lot, she would always yell at me to leave her house, and i would! but we never split, and i made so many horrible mistakes when i got angry with her—just because i was so stupid and ignorant. i always blamed her, i called her horrible names, i cheated on her, and she knew, but she never cut it off, i never cut it off because she thought she loved me and i thought i did too...until it just became too much for her."

"she went to the hospital, because her mom caught her trying to—" taehyung cut himself off with a sharp inhale.

jennie didn't know what to say, she panicked. she couldn't move, her hands were shaking.

"y-you did that to her?"

"i'm such a fucking monster, jungkook was right! i didn't even visit her at the hospital, i couldn't. you do know who was there for her, jungkook. of course he was, because all he does was care for the people i continuously kept hurting, and i could never come to an understanding that even though he's so goddamn stupid, he can be really smart, and that i was wrong for once—"

"taehyung, stop beating yourself up."

"how can i not? i don't know how to make anything better! i'm not good with people, i'm not good with these feelings, i can't tolerate all this guilt—i try masking it, i try to convince i'm fine but i'm not!"

"don't you see you're already doing something?" jennie shifted in her position. "you're talking to someone, doesn't that make a difference? you're not keeping it all to yourself, taehyung."

"yes, but—"

"but nothing." she pleaded. "i'll say it over and over and over again until you finally listen. talk to him, talk to jungkook. come on, you two are miserable without each other! put both your pasts with her behind you, it's not good to be hung over this for such a long time."

she didn't know what kind of difference her words made on him, but she had never expected he would be holding onto something this burdening for so long.

he seemed like a carefree guy when jen had first met him, nothing like the broken down, stressed out teenager right before her.

but of course jennie still liked him. she didn't even know if she wanted to admit it to herself but she still liked him, despite being the monster he thought he was, despite being conflicted towards the girl he caused harm to.

she liked him, but she wasn't sure if she ever wanted him to know. some things were better kept to themselves, and he was already so confused, she couldn't see herself making it worse for him.

taehyung looked at her, fidgeting in his sweaty hoodie. it wasn't hot in the room, but he felt so antsy and tired and deprived of something—he couldn't name it.

"thanks." he heard himself whispering. jennie nodded, then his impulses took control.

she was surprised to feel his lips melding on top of hers, he didn't even bother waiting to see if she wanted this or not—but pausing seconds later.

"sorry, i really need this."

"i-it's fine." jennie mumbled, before letting her feelings be played with.

she hated this, but she wanted it all at the same time.

him kissing her; it didn't feel romantic in the slightest, but that's not he wanted, nor what she needed.

she didn't even see the single bit of lust in his eyes either, lips gradually traveling further away from hers and down...

she loved to torture herself.

a/n: how was this chap 😪😪