irondad & spiderson oneshots

vii. baby peter

"What? How? What am I supposed to do with a baby?" Tony asks incredulously. Happy stares at him with a blank look. "You're the one that turned him into a baby, you deal with him." Happy demands, shoving the small toddler forward. "I didn't mean to! He thought it was water and just drank it! Who drinks random liquid they find?" Tony exclaims.

"Children Tony, children." He says, and walks off. "What am I gonna do with you Pete?" He says softly with a sigh. Baby Peter smiles at the man and pats his cheek. "No sad 'ony." He says with a serious look. Tony rolls his eyes and hides his grin. "Well I guess since you decide to drink the anti age serum, you're gonna be a baby for 24 hours." He says, still holding the child out in front of him.

"No' a baby!" Peter exclaims with a large frown. Tony raises his eyebrows in mock surrender. "Okay, not a baby, I understand." He says. His arms start to ache so he just props the boy on his hip and goes into his room. He grabs a small shirt and puts it on him. "Friday order diapers." Tony calls as he walks Peter out to the kitchen. He sets him on the table and looks through the cupboards.

"Now what do babies eat?" He mutters. "Ah! Oatmeal should work right? Peter?" He asks, turning around. His eyes widen when Peter is nowhere in sight. "Peter?" He cries, "where'd you go?" He looks in every nook and cranny and is about to just give up and go die when he hears soft giggling. He looks up and sees Peter on the ceiling and army crawling. "Peter get down!" He shouts.

Peter whimpers and pulls farther away from where Tony is reaching. "Come on kid, I'm sorry just come here please." He begs. The boy tilts his head at his mentor and smiles again. He crawls goofily over to him and drops. Tony lunges to catch him and nearly falls over.

"Christ kid!" He pants. He puts him in a chair at the table and glares at him. "Sit." He demands. "Sir the diapers have arrived." Friday says. "Coming Fri." He says, standing up and walking toward the elevator. "S'ay 'ony!" Peter cries. Tony looks back and sees tears in the kid's eyes. "I'll be right back, just stay here." He says exasperatedly.

After retrieving the diapers he comes back to Peter wailing in the chair. He drops the box and rushes over. He picks him up and holds him to his chest. "Sh Sh sh, its okay, everything's gonna be okay Peter." He whispers soothingly, rubbing his back.

"I miss' 'ou 'ony." The boy whines, looking into Tony's eyes. "I know I know, I'm sorry it won't happen again." Tony says. Then he sets Peter back on the table and grabs a diaper out of the box. Peter's eyes widen and he shakes his head really fast. "No!" He screeches.

"Come on Peter, you have to. You might not be a baby but your body is and I don't want anything getting ruined." Tony says. Peter crosses his arms and shakes his head.

"I'll give you ice cream if you let me put it on you." He bargains. Peter's eyes light up. He opens his mouth to respond but closes it again. "Fine." He pouts.

Tony scoops him up and walks into the loving room. He lays him on the couch and puts the diaper on him without looking. Peter may be a baby right now but he didn't need to see that. He looks down after he's done and smiles. "I did it!"

" 'ou did i'!" Peter exclaims and starts laughing hysterically. Tony looks down at the boy with a confused face. He was being crazy. "Alright, ice cream?" He asks. Peter nods and stands up on the couch. He reaches up to Tony and he picks him up.

He walks back into the kitchen and sets him in one of the chairs. Then he goes to the freezer and grabs the ice cream. He walks back to table and sets it down, then grabs two spoons. He slides into the seat next to Peter and hands him a spoon. He opens it up and grabs a bite. Peter smiles and does the same. He accidentally gets like half of the ice cream on his spoon and starts putting it toward his mouth. "No Peter!" He exclaims.

He pulls most of it back into the container and Peter shoves his spoon in his mouth. He gives Tony a lopsided grin then he suddenly scrunches his face and puts his hands on the side of his head. "Oh crap. It's just brain freeze, don't worry everything will be fine." Tony says quickly.

Peter screams. And he doesn't stop screaming until Tony scoops him up again. "Okay I guess ice cream is a no go." He mutters. Peter nods and buries his face in Tony's neck.

He brings him into the living room and sets down on the couch. "Friday turn on Star Wars." Tony calls. Peter claps and burrows into Tony's side.

That's eventually how they fall asleep, curled up together on the couch with Star Wars playing.

Peter groans as he wakes up. He looks down at himself and his mouth drops open. "Mr. Stark? Why am I wearing a diaper?"