Don't Leave Me

Hope

Two hours passed before the smell of burnt food filled the house followed quickly by England's call that dinner was ready.

Reluctantly dragging myself into the kitchen my stomach shrunk at the sight of the black scones sitting neatly on the table.

"Dinners ready!" England grinned motioning for me to hurry and sit, "It's your favorite."

Uh yes...hockey pucks. My favorite.

Forcing a smile I slowly sat down in front of the plate he had prepared for me, "Thanks England. Looks great!" I tried to put enthusiasm into the words and I guess it works because he just grinned and watched me expectantly.

Sighing I grab a scone. Without giving myself a chance to back out I quickly take a giant bite of the rock. My teeth scream as I crunch the food and swallow it. Somehow I didn't choke from how dry it was and England finally took his own seat satisfied I was enjoying the food.

"Now Alfred we need to set some ground rules before this continues." He spoke before taking a small bite of his own scone.

I should be annoyed he wants to set up rules in my own house, but I'm happy to use the conversation as a reason to avoid eating, "Whatcha got in mind?"

England took a napkin and dabbed at his lips before setting it down in his lap, "Well first off no more calling me England."

"What am I supposed to call you?" Chuckling I leaned forward propping my elbows up onto the table.

He eyed my elbows on the table with distaste, "You may address me as Arthur. That is my name after all."

"Fine. Next?"

He didn't need anymore encouragement, "Secondly this cutting business has got to stop. No more. Also you have to start cleaning and working as you should. No more digging a hole for yourself and wallowing in it."

Hold up. No more cutting? I can't do that. I need it. I have to cut. I said as much and he just shook his head.

"No you do not. I'm here to help now. If you feel sad or overwhelmed talk to me. I won't allow you to cut though. This isn't negotiable." England's voice came out stern as he crossed his legs and leaned back against his seat.

He has to go. Talk to him? He doesn't even understand! Talking doesn't do shit! I have to cut! I deserve that pain. It keeps me focused and grounded. It's punishment but it's also my lifeline! He can't take that from me, I won't let him!

"Alfred it's okay." Without me noticing he had stood and moved to my side. His arms wrapped around me as he pulled my head into his chest and hugged tightly, "Your not alone anymore. We can do this. It'll be okay just breath."

As soon as my head hit his chest the tears began falling. I can't remember the last time I was hugged. He feels so warm and secure I wrap my arms around him in return and hold on for dear life. The sobs come out uncontrollably but he continues holding on and speaking calmly about breathing and how he isn't going anyway.

When the tears slow and my breathing becomes more even he finally pulls back, but only a bit so he can look at my face.

His hand moves to my cheek and he brushes a tear away with his thumb, "You're my hero and I know you can do this."

In that moment, whether I thought I was worth his time or not, I realized he was trying and I should do the same. For him at least. I owe him that much now.

((More editing and rewriting woot woot! I really hope these changes are better then the original cause that would suck if they aren't XD ))