Ares' List - The...Commercial?

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*A parody of Angie's List and most online shops*

Ares: Hey punk! Yeah, you there! Sick of getting those expensive ripoffs on Amazon and eBay? Looking for a way to get everything at the click of a button? Well, look no further! Here on Ares' List you can get everything from A to Z, from 1-2-3. You need an electrician? We'll send you the best plumber we got! Want the newest video game but don't have enough money? We'll send you our best used comic book! Just listen to our happy customers!

Reyna: I wanted a plain purple toga. Simple as that. Is it too much to ask? I got a cowboy hat full of sand. Really? I understand with mortal companies but you guys are the OLYMPIAN GODS!

Piper: The other week my cabin was having a bug problem so I asked for an exterminator on Ares' List. Instead, they sent a GUY dressed up as Mulan who couldn't even sing. I ended up cleaning the bugs' nest and I smelled like bug poison for a week.

Leo: 5 pounds of Celestial Bronze. That's all. And what do I get? 500 beach balls!

Chiron: I ordered vegetables for dinner last night and they gave me a gallon of gasoline.

Jason: I, like Reyna, just asked for a toga. I got a Monopoly set with two peices missing. The heck is up with this?!?

Ares: See all our happy customers? To order something from Ares' List just call 1-800-OLYMPUS or go to areslist.com. We also have our own store on Mount Olympus, located on Main Street between the Nine Muses Concert Hall and Dionysus Bar and Grille (Mostly Bar).

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What? It's a commercial. You can't expect it to be that long.

~ C. Gallagher

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