What Once Was A Dream

Part 2 Right In Front Of Me

Over the past couple of days, Jonah and I have been hanging out, trying to get some distance between myself and the other boys. Even though there not happy about it and might have caused problems between Jonah and the boys, which I've said if it does we can stop hanging out. Like the good person he is, he said he would handle it if it comes to that, and he really likes hanging out with me so. I know what your going to say, your crushing on Jonah, you can't date him. It's not like that, I have no intention on getting feelings for Jonah or even dating him. Because it would just end up like Daniel, not having enough time for eachother and I don't want to put Any of the Why don't we boys through another break up in the band and I certainly don't want to put myself in that situation again. Truthfully I don't believe I'm ready for another relationship after the last one that left me so broken and feeling so much self hate. That I'm not worthy to be loved or not allowed to feel good about myself any longer. I need that  time to figure every demon out and try to win that battle instead of drowning in it. As well as not losing myself further in the process, I was so wrapped up in a toxic relationship each passing moment I lost a piece of myself that made me who I am. Daniel was my world and it was like nothing else existed, put all my trust into one person and to lose it all at once. Call me over dramatic but this is what is happening.

"Hey, where did your mind go"

"Can you just pass me a cheez it " food is one comfort to me these days and sweat pants.

"Your suppose to be getting back in dance shape not winning a contest on how many cheez it packets you can eat" "

I laugh.

"Please " he caves and gives me the packet.

"Sucker, I ate them all "

" don't mess with a girl and her cheez it's Jonah"

"I'm helping you, get over your addiction "

"This is my comfort food, okay let me have my comfort food" I give him puppy dog eyes.

"I'll be your comfort person, forget Cheezt you don't need them,"

Sweet, but I still like my food, so Jonah could never replace cheezt it's , no one could so why do they bother trying. I put the empty packet down and sit next to Jonah on the couch as I have been sitting on the floor. And I put my head into his chest, he puts on hand on my head and the other in my back rubbing it.

"Your going to make a girl very happy one day Jonah " he kind of blushes when I said that and I couldn't help but smile into his chest.

"And you'll find someone who doesn't threat you like shit Auggie "
His sitting right in front of me, what no I didn't just think that

" and what if I don't or that person is right in front of me but I never notice"

" you u gotta just open your eyes " he says almost as a whisper

" easier said then done" I could feel his heart beat quicken a little as if he wasn't expecting me to answer.

"Next week, we're having a surprise show, will you come. Talk to the boys. Please "

"I'll think about it, can't promise you anything "

"Take what I can get. I have to get going. See ya " he unravels himself from me and walks out of my dorm not before giving me one last glance before saying a proper goodbye.

"Bye "

I clean up my dorm, as there's popcorn everywhere, we watched movies majority of the day. I hadn't even gotten out of my pjs as it's Saturday, I didn't even want to get ready for the day either so there wasn't a point. The pop up show , I know I said I'll think about it but I'm not wanting to go. I mean I could go and not tell them and just stay in the Crowd. But then if they see me, they may want me to go back stage or talk to me, well Daniel will and I don't want to talk to him.

"August your going to the pop up show, don't even fight me on it. I'll push you out the door if I have to"

"How do you know?"

"I saw Jonah as he walked down the hall and he told me "

"You know why I don't want to go" I say with a bit of a attitude.

"I don't care, you have beef with one of them, there are four other boys who love you and that are your friends. So grow a pair, while you get ready to see them perform next week. Talk to your two main best friends and the cute baby face. Also see where you and Jonah are going because honestly you need to kiss or fuck someone else "

"Jordan "

"What" She raises her hands up and shrugs her shoulders.

"I'm not fucking or kissing anyone, it's not how I'm going to deal with it. Not like you would. Take your own advice go speak to Zach and tell him how you feel"

"Using my own words against me, that's just sick"

"What can I say, you learn some things from those around you" which made me wonder about so much as to why people are or who they end up being, as some aspects of yourself are learnt behaviour from surrounding environments or people your around. So what people where danile around for him to do what he did.