About The Curly Haired Introvert

An Abundance Of Feelings

Can you image learning something new about someone, and then have that information rattle your bones. And its like you knew it all along but now it's real. Your heart and emotions intensify. An abundance of feelings pass through you, even though you don't really know what to feel, so you feel it all. You feel so damn much it hurts. Sometimes you wonder if you even have the right. The right to care so much. The right to have your ribcage rattle from the beating quakes of your heart. Is it fair? To either you or whomever? To care so damn much. To love the rattle that shakes your being because there is nothing else like it. You feel and that's all you really want.   

Date unknown. Junior year of high school.

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I feel silly reading this over. I guess because of how long it's been since I last felt this. It almost seems unreal. As if anyone could really feel this way... but I did.

I did.

I have to keep reminding myself that some emotions are real.

Most of the time I convince myself that I'll never know or understand emotions as others do. I forget what it feels like to care in a way that doesn't hurt. That I have felt powerful emotions that mean more.

I also feel silly because I wrote this about a boy, but I don't think he deserves the recognition.

I think I need to remind myself of the other times I felt this. About the times that really mattered, and about the people who really matter.

So, this goes out to all of the hearts that are not temporary. The hearts that better me every day and the hearts that have allowed me to feel an abundance of feelings all my life, and for the rest of my life.