LOVE WITHOUT SLEEP

THE CHAPTER 3

As my head began to rock with the rhythm of the bumpy road, I stared out of the window of Monica's Jeep. All the cars sped passed so quickly you'd miss them with the blink of an eye. It felt strange, to think about meeting George a second time. Everything in me wanted to beg Monica to turn the car around and request for her to take me back to the apartment. I looked over at her, choking on my own words.

She looked over at me quickly, then back at the road, "Judith, you alright?"

I nodded quickly, holding onto my throat and laughing off the embarrassment I'd caused myself, "yeah, yeah I'm fine. I was just gonna ask you to take me back because I can't go through with this anymore..."

Monica looked over at me, the look on her face being all the answer I needed, a clear no.

My heart racing as we slowed into parking. Seeing across the street the line of girls dressed exactly like us, Monica sighed. She slumped down in her seat, as I too did the same.

"We look stupid." She mumbled.

"I didn't even know it would be like this, why didn't you tell me?" I waved my hands around, over exaggerating my embarrassment.

"I've never been to one of their shows before, how was I supposed to know?" She asked.

I sighed and sat up, opening the door, "well let's go..."

"Now?" She asked, wide eyed.

"No, tomorrow..." I rolled my eyes, "yes now."

"Everyone's gonna look at us since we're not first in line and then judge us!" She pulled me by the sleeve of my jacket, I turned around fighting her off and stepping out of the car, slamming the door shut behind me. It was the only way to get her to stop hiding away.

As my plan worked she too got out of the car and locked up at last. With terrible attempts not to look at anyone, the line began to move. I looked at my phone for the time, seven o'clock.

"We're going to be in the very back." Monica complained.

I turned to her and shrugged, "that's good for me."

"Well it's bad for me. I'm gonna try to get to the front." She said as she pulled out the tickets, handing mine over to me.

"Suit yourself, I'm not following you." I said, taking it and moving with the slowed line.

"Fine." She said freely.

The doorman soon scanned her ticket, I followed close behind for the same and watched her run to the floors in which we were directed to. I looked around, seeing only girls. In every corner, girls. In the seated rows, girls. On the floor, girls. Up top, girls. With only a few guys here and there. It was almost like an awkward dream, the kind that all you can do when you wake up is stare around your bedroom until you can cope.

The music which played as we waited made me feel like I'd come to see Snoop Dogg or something. Gangster rap and exactly everything opposite to their sound. I watched Monica's back as she pushed her way through the crowd, better now than when it starts, I guess, I thought to myself. I looked at my phone once again at the time, the show was to start at any moment and I wasn't mentally ready.

Through the sounds of conversations echoing all around me, the only thing my ears had managed to pick up was the voice of a super fan beside me, "I bet the only song half these people know is Chocolate." I looked over at her, she was so tied up with her friends she didn't notice. I sighed, pushing my hair back into a ponytail. I didn't even know that song...I wondered what it was about and how all of this music could have slipped passed me for one second at all.

Neon lights from the stage took over as the lights from around went off. The sounds of screaming rung through my ears as I closed my eyes tightly, attempting to shut it out though failing. I opened my eyes at the sound of the drums, and what I remembered as Matty's voice.

"Don't call it a fight, when you know it's a war."

Girls beside me shouted the lyrics along with him, I looked at the stage, barely able to see a thing. I wondered where Monica was and if she was having the same experience. I sucked up the anxiety and made my way through the crowd, girls glared at me as I did so, and some barely moved at all. I regretted allowing Monica to go without me, she was much better at these things than I was.

The song didn't sound too bad and I almost wanted to dance just like everybody else who didn't have their phones in the air to capture what would soon be only a memory. As Monica came into view, I pushed my way through, grabbing her arm. She turned around, singing along.

"THERE YOU ARE!" She shouted over the sound of the instruments and Matty's voice. I nodded and looked up at the stage, unable to believe it was actually them...Actually Matty, actually Ross, actually Adam...and actually George.

"She said, it's your birthday..." He sang, I bobbed my head slightly, unable to control the smile which spread across my face. I watched as George was fixed in the drum set, his hair was ridiculous. I laughed slightly, looking at Matty and thinking the same. I guessed it was better than my old hair if they'd remember though, a big dark mess.

Monica raised her hands in the air, dancing. I looked over at her and did the same, forgetting every worry in the back of my mind...enjoying their sound, and the moment. As I opened my eyes looking up at the stage, Matty's eyes fell on mine. He squinted his eyes, furrowing his brow. I turned my head in the opposite direction, my heart racing and my hands tingling.

"JUDITH! HE'S LOOKING AT YOU!" Monica jumped in the air for his attention. I pushed her slightly.

"STOP YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A TWELVE YEAR OLD!" I urged, letting my hair down to fall over my face and hide me from view. He looked back at George awkwardly, then back to me, flipping his dark curly hair out of his face.

Monica stopped where she stood, rolling her eyes at my reaction. I knew I shouldn't have moved any closer...shit, fucking hell.

I must've spoke about a thousand swear words in my mind within only the time span of less than one second alone.

"HELLO LA! WE'RE THE 1975, FROM MANCHESTER!" He shouted into the microphone, sending pandemonium through the crowd around us.

The music stopped, with only the sounds of Ross' bass being adjusted as he spoke. I went behind Monica, pushing her more in front of me.

"You all look, quite lovely. How are you doing tonight?" He pointed his mic at the crowd, just as I thought it was impossible to grow any louder, the room bustled with even more sound. Sparing me mercy he moved onto the next song, though his eyes continued to flash at me and each time I looked down. He couldn't possibly remember me, I looked nothing like I did when we were teenagers...

I wouldn't bear it if he said anything, I knew I'd ruin the entire show just with my presence if George knew before I could first talk to him myself.

"I'LL BE OUTSIDE!" I shouted over the noise to Monica.

She looked at me in disappointment, holding her hands out in question of why. I shook my head, "I'LL SEE YOU WHEN THE SHOW'S OVER." I struggled to push my way out before ending up in the lobby and staring at merchandise. I pushed my way through the doors, turning the corner in which huge buses sat parked and some fans lingered around...I supposed in wait of the same thing as I, to talk to one of the guys. I sighed and pulled a cigarette from my small bag. I held the stick between my lips as I lit it, and exhaled the many worries of my mind with the smoke, out into the open air.