HATELOVE

25

Tony had undergone surgery while I was touring. Sadie texted me prior to that happening, and again after, so that I'd know he was okay.

I'd reached out to Tony, just to let him know I was cheering him on. I'd had a big get well gift delivered to his house that included the latest PlayStation system and a dozen games. Sadie told me he didn't have one and would be thrilled. I'd told her to pass my phone number along to him. A few days after the surgery, he'd texted me. He thanked me for the present and for 'helping' Sadie's company.

So obviously it wasn't a shock that Sadie called me about Tony's progress, but what she had to say surprised me.

"Can you talk?" she asked after we'd said hello to each other.

"Yes, of course."

"It's about Tony. I wanted to give you an update and ask a favor."

"Okay. Great. What's going on?" I asked.

"The surgeon and the doctors who are part of my team evaluated Tony's post-surgical condition and feel he's ready for testing the device. I guess the reconstruction of the ear canal was a success, more in his right ear than left. He can actually hear muffled noises now."

"That's what you wanted, right?"

"It's exactly what we were hoping for. Because this is a clinical trial, everything has to be done with tightly run procedures and monitoring. He'll test out the device in a lab and they'll run hearing tests before and after."

I got goosebumps on my arms as she explained this. "Fuck, Sadie. This is really exciting."

"I know! I'm kind of flipping out now that it's actually happening!" she gushed.

My emotions were all over the place. Obviously I was thrilled that Tony would possibly soon be able to hear. The pride I felt for Sadie that her dream had come true had me floating on air. But I was also struck with sadness that she wasn't part of my life and I wasn't the one she'd be sharing this success with.

"When will he test it out?" I asked.

"We're coming to Toronto in three weeks. That's where the trial lab is, so it has to be there."

I wanted to ask if I could see Tony while he was in town, but I was afraid of overstepping the tenuous boundaries that were in place with our professional relationship.

"You'll let me know how it goes, right?" I asked.

"That's actually what the favor is about. He wants you there. Tony asked me if you'd come so that you can witness it."

I felt myself choking up. "Really? Are you okay with that?"

"Yes, I am. You've always cared about him and you are part of why this is possible. I want you there, too."

The fact that Mark would probably be there flickered through my mind, but I pushed that thought out. It didn't matter if he was. Tony deserved the biggest support system possible, and if that included Mark, then I was okay with it.

"Send me all the information and I'll clear my calendar," I told her.

This wasn't going to be much of an issue since I was on a post-tour break at the moment. If I had any commitments, they could be rescheduled.

A couple days later, Sadie emailed me all the information. They were customizing his device to fit his ears, along with those of the other individuals who were part of the initial trial. That explained the wait. The trial would take place in a large lab at Benson. The participants would be tested one at a time with a small team of doctors and engineers recording the results. There was an audiological testing booth set up nearby to get the hard data. Everyone who was there to support Tony would be in a soundproofed room that had a one-way mirror for observation.