LETTERS TO REALITY ✓

FROM JUNGKOOK

And you'd smile, toss your hair back and say, Jungkook!

And I'd raise my voice, teasing you- Serenity!

Every moment was better when I'd make you laugh.

I thought you being interested in me was a lie to make me feel better, to show pity and just use me with no feelings attached. But your letter holds different thoughts, feelings from you that bring back hidden away feelings from me... Such as a yearning to love. I don't know what to think anymore.

The real Jungkook was the one you spent time with- the rebound, the friend. The ridiculous one that would try his best to make you laugh, the one who picked you up when you were droopy or sullen, the one who was too shy to sleep in the same bed as you and fell off the bed in the middle of the night, the one who likes to underline quotes in books he likes, the one who's music defined him and the one who felt too much for you.

I had no idea Taehyung cheated. When I approached you to say hello you seemed irritated and I wanted to do nothing but wrap my arms around you.

I don't understand myself. We had spent so much time together in the past ... Watching YouTube videos together, movies, the library and us helping each other with university assignments. So why did my allurement get the best out of me on that one evening? When I kissed you and I felt disgusted because you were dating my best friend.

The kiss was a dream because you kissed me back. Our lips moved together so evenly, so full of teases and future promises meant to be broken as our eyes closed. You gripped my flannel in your hand, bringing me closer as my hand stayed on top of yours that was balled into a fist. Our kiss was sweeter than the hot chocolate we drank that night.

But is it bad that I felt less guilty when I found out that Taehyung had cheated on you?

The kiss we shared made me feel like I would never have you, ever again, it left a bad aftertaste.

But I was wrong.

Taehyung made a mistake. But you're a good person because instead of blaming him with shouts and pulling his hair out, you communicated with him and understood the situation from his perspective.

He knows he did wrong and as long as he knows, he is good. I know he's my humane best friend who still feels bad. But everything happens for a reason doesn't it?

I wanted to be the one for you every time you looked at a photograph or painting in awe. I wanted to be the one for you every time you hugged me from behind when I made you hot toast for when you were ill. I wanted to be the one for you when you told me you woke up every morning and the first thing you did was go outside, wanting crisp air and to hear the birds sing. I wanted to be the one for you when I hugged you from behind and sang my version of euphoria for you on the balcony. I wanted to be the one for you when you danced with me, laughed with me, made love with me.

I wanted to be the one for you when I brought us home, me sober and you incredibly drunk, a giggling mess that still looked beautiful. You puked up in the toilet as I held your hair back. I got into bed as you had a shower and you joined me later, not letting me hold you.

I don't know why you were so sad that night. You seemed so alone even with me beside you.

The next morning, you were awake before me. You sat in the dining room with one cup of tea and one cup of coffee in front of you, clouds of steaming air above them. You met my eyes, yours holding anguish as you quickly looked down.

I knew you needed me. So, I went up to you silently, made you stand up and placed you on my lap. You wrapped your arms around me and cried into my chest.