ѕυcĸ yoυ - jaeno/nomin

cнapтer ғorтy-one

!!! IMPLICATIONS OF SELF-HARM !!!

[ cнapтer ғorтy-one ➛ ѕтarт ]

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"Not in the mood to get laid tonight, even if it's with you," was Jeno's immediate reaction to Jaemin's quick reply.

"Shut up and come."

Jeno snickered as they went into Jaemin's room, not bothering with the lights and moving straight to the bed partially illuminated by light from the window. They lay down, just two dudes being bros, staring blankly up at the ceiling. Both were so weary and dragged down with exhaustion, but the whirlwind in their thoughts prevented sleep.

At least they were able to focus somewhat on the present, not too under the influence of toxic thought.

"You broke my bathroom mirror," Jaemin questioned, the words coming out as more of an observation or inference.

Jeno turned his head to look at the younger and he hummed in agreement.

Biting his lip, Jaemin rolled over so they were looking at each other, nervous of the reaction he'd get from another question sounding like a statement. Discussing such a topic in serious light was sensitive territory. "And you cried for hours. Because of anger. Misery. Trauma."

This time, Jeno hesitated before humming again, a much shorter, more clipped noise.

On instinct, Jaemin shuffled closer and placed his arms around Jeno's shoulders. The older moved so the two could lay sprawled on Jaemin's bed, the younger holding Jeno again.

Jaemin's tone was soft and comforting, sweet as honey when he asked, "It's clear this wasn't your first time doing something like that. Why didn't you tell anyone?"

Breathing in, Jeno pondered on how much he should share.

Jaemin wasn't supposed to see him in the state he was in on the bathroom floor. Jaemin wasn't supposed to see or know about his rare episodes of utter brokenness. Jaemin wasn't supposed to see him at his most vulnerable, raw and bare.

Yet Jaemin did. And Jeno couldn't evade the situation, pretend as if nothing happened. He'd have to explain himself.

So he drew in another long, shaky breath and replied, "Yeah, this isn't the first time I've acted out like that because of something that happened in my life. I've barely spiralled since coming here. Back in Korea, things were a lot worse. I would harm more than just my... surroundings. But trust me, I'm better now. The most I do is, well, break stuff. Like your mirror."

Jaemin's shattered pieces of his heart broke more as he listened to the older. To know that Jeno had struggled in Korea and had begun to feel better only to crash down again made his heart yearn to love and comfort the older. And so he voiced exactly that. "Jeno-- fuck. Do you know how scared I was? My heart broke seeing you crying like that, and the fact that you didn't seem to care about the glass surrounding you and hurting you, I--"

"I'm sorry," Jeno said honestly, clutching onto Jaemin's waist tighter. "I was feeling a lot better the past few years, and anyway, I don't think you would've cared--"

Volume didn't raise, but his tone was sharp as Jaemin hissed, "Fuck, Jeno, of course I'd care, even if we weren't friends and I still hated you!"