Paranoia ✓

III: Conner - Race for the Presidency (Part 2)

"Let us begin with a statement you made about your party's extremism," started the woman sitting in front of Conner. She was plastered in makeup, so much so that if the humidity were to increase a percentage point, her face would melt and her hair would explode. Even her smile was fake. No person could maintain such pearly whites without constant dental assistance. But the makeup did accomplish what it was meant to do: mask her age by 15 years. Now the 40 year old woman looked like she was in her 20s—a much easier appearance on the eyes of the zombie audiences who are riled up to change the channel by the slightest inconvenience. 

Conner thought about the little bit of makeup he had on, some powder to prevent his skin from shining in the bright lighting and to prevent him from sweating under the lamps. He, and pretty much every candidate, learned his lesson from the Kennedy-Nixon debate that some makeup was necessary to get the votes. People seemed attracted to vote for the best looking person rather than the most eligible one.

The mannequin in front of Conner continued. "You say you like to consider yourself a conservative first, and a Republican second. Do you not believe the Republican Party is conservative?"

Conner has answered this question before at previous interviews and debates. He would like to move past it and onto other pressing issues, but the idea of a Republican party that isn't conservative has been a leech to his campaign.

Conner smiled, because smiling was always important to impress the zombie audience. "I'm glad you asked that Fiona. I believe that the Republican Party can be more conservative. For example, the basic definition of a conservative government means less spending and small government—a government so small you can barely notice it. Now when it comes to government spending, the military is a big part of the budget, yet my colleagues within the Republican Party refuse to touch military spending unless it's to pamper it. A conservative cuts spending across the board, not just small government programs like Planned Parenthood. If we are to cut spending, we need to tackle the big guys as well, and defense, Social Security, and Medicare/Medicaid are the big guys."

"So you are against cutting Planned Parenthood, if I understand you correctly?" Fiona added.

Clearly she's unintelligible because I did not say that, Conner thought to himself. They even got a zombie to interview me. At this rate, I'll never win.

But Conner kept his smile. "No, I am for cutting Planned Parenthood, but I'm also for cutting defense. A conservative shouldn't be increasing spending where it is unnecessary. Currently our navy is the strongest navy in the world. In fact you can combine the navies of every nation in the world and you wouldn't come close to the strength of our navy. The same is true of the air force. We have stealth bombers and F-48s sitting in dusty hangars out in the southwest. Each one of those planes costs over two billion dollars to make. That's a very expensive antique. It is preciously this frivolous spending on our military that I wish to cut."

"But if our military is the most powerful in the world, shouldn't we do everything in our power to maintain it?"

Conner shifted in his chair. His eyes squinted from the bright floodlights shinning on the set. Would it be weird if I wear shades on a set? It might even make me appear cool with the zombies. "Yes, we should, but cutting a couple billion dollars from defense won't hamper our standing in the globe. We spend more on military then the next 10 most powerful nations combined. Currently our military spending budget stands at $700 billion. My proposed cuts will lower that to $645 billion. If we have a couple less antiques in the Arizona desert and better infrastructure to move people across our great nation, I find it a win-win."

Fiona transitioned from one index card to the next and continued. "You've used the phrase, 'a government so small you can barely even notice it.' What aspects of our current government now are so big that you would like them to shrink in size?"

Conner was surprised that Fiona didn't keep pushing her on defense spending. I guess I made my point, Conner thought.

Then he began to answer her question. "Our government has been mutated into this giant monster that has a say in every person's life. The government's insertion into healthcare has driven the cost of coverage. The government's regulatory frenzy places power in the hands of unelected bureaucrats who siphon over $3 trillion dollars from the economy. Now, Republicans are quick to mention the likes of these two effects of big government, but they do not stand against the government's violation of our fourth amendment right to privacy through NSA spying. That phone in your pocket, well the government can observe all of the most private details of your life—what you recently brought online, what T.V. shows you watch, what food you eat, whether you smoke or gamble etc. Simply having a phone does not mean that the government can tread on one's constitutional rights. We need to put an end to the illegal bulk gathering of personal data from Americans' cell phones, computers, and other electronic devices. What we do in our personal lives is none of the government's business. If they suspect any criminal activity, then they must obtain a warrant from a judge as duly noted in the fourth amendment of our Constitution. What the NSA is doing is an affront against our free society."

Fiona was puzzled, "So even if this 'illegal data gathering' catches a terrorist, you still find it unconstitutional?"

God help me, Conner wanted to cry out. Save me from the stupidity.

"It's not whether or not I find it unconstitutional, it's whether or not it is unconstitutional. Since it violates the fourth amendment of the Constitution it is, by definition, unconstitutional."

"Some argue the NSA is keeping us safe by doing this," Fiona added.

"Safe? Would you trade in your freedom and privacy for safety?"

Fiona's smile stretched into a grin. "But Mr. Knox, if an American civilian is not doing anything wrong, then he or she shouldn't have any problem with the government checking in on them."

Conner leaned forward on his chair and wagged his finger like an old man trying to talk sense into a teenager. "Oh, they should. Governments that have done this in the past, and still do this today, are linked with communism, fascism and other forms of totalitarian governments. If we wish to call ourselves a free society, then privacy should be at our core. We should not embody an Orwellian dystopian society where 'Big Brother' is watching our every move. We should not give up our privacy for anything, and the Republicans should be championing this cause if they were truly conservative."

Fiona scuffled, "I highly doubt we are 'embodying an Orwellian dystopian society' by checking in on Americans."

Conner sighed. Clearly she's a zombie—zombies are quick to give up their rights and can't see beyond the length of their eyelashes let alone the consequences violating privacy could entail. "Violating the fourth amendment and our privacy is like spitting and defecating on the Constitution while holding a spray can and a lighter over it. The fourth amendment serves as one of the core reasons the founding fathers and the patriots revolted against the English. What law-abiding citizens do on their own time is none of the government's damn business!"