My Grade 10 (S.Y. 2018-2019)

5

September 12, 2018

This day became the worst. I got to school with no energy. Why? Because I noticed that he's distancing himself from me and I don't know why. I cried over him yesterday too and now, it just became worse.

It was during our break time.
"Hey, here's my lunch. I won't eat today. I don't feel like eating." As I gave Jencel my lunch box.
"You can't. You should eat!" Eane and Bianca complains as I get my money from my bag then hurriedly goes down to the canteen. Because I know they'll not slip me off.

I just bought a cheese cake then ate it at the canteen alone. I guess this is how a broken person should be. As I finished eating it, I remembered I don't have my water with me. It's in our classroom. I was walking upstairs as I saw him, Aaron, but I chose to ignore him because I thought he'll just ignore me more but no.

"Hey..." He grabs me by my wrist as I was about to walk away from him. I turned my look at him, gave him a questioning face.
"What do you want to talk about?" He asked. I just shrugged off and told him nothing.
"Come on now." He repeated.
"Why are you distancing yourself from me?" I asked. There was silence.
"See? It's useless." I tugged away from his grip and continues to walk upstairs.
"I'm not distancing myself from you. Maybe you are." He answered. I stopped then looked at him.
"Just tell me why." I said but I heard some boys coming up.
"Let's go upstairs." I said as I resume from walking upstairs and so is he.

We went from the locker to the front of our classroom so I asked again.
"Why are you distancing yourself?" I kept repeating the question over and over again to him at that time. He pulled me towards him many times but I keep pushing and I don't know why.
"I'm sorry." That was all his reply then I didn't even noticed that tears already started streaming down. He saw me being like that. He keep on saying sorry and hugged me for a long time.

This is not what I wanted, what I wanted is the truth but I was so scared that time. Eane, Bianca, and Jencel all went out with me.
"Let's all go to the stairs so that no one can see you two hmm. " Eane said.

Three of them dragged us upstairs since it was under construction, it was unfinished m. Even so, I can't seem to calm myself down because of this feeling.
"Kuya, why are you even distancing from her?!" Bianca asked as she was getting triggered a little. I hope she won't completely though.
"Don't interfere. Just let the two of them talk to each other. " Eane said, what I like about Eane is, she always let things do it their own then she was already observing it.
"Let's just guard K for something might happened. " Jencel said.

I got my courage again to ask.
"Why? "
"Just tell me the truth. " I said.
"Honestly... I think... No... It's because I don't see you like I do before. I don't like you anymore, I don't know how it disappeared but we can still be friends, don't worry. " The moment he said that "I don't like you anymore" , my tears gone out of control. I keep saying the same word "why" while I was sobbing. I even wanted to hit his face that time but I can't, I ended up hitting the lockers. I was asking him why it disappeared but he just stayed silent.

After some moments, my friends made Aaron go back in the classroom. Our class is already starting.
"Hey.. Don't you want to go in class? We're skipping. " Jencel asked but I keep on crying silently.
"Why did he even do that?! I can't believe it. " Bianca exclaimed.
"Want to be alone? " Eane asked, I just nodded.
"I understand, let's go back. Let her give time for awhile. " Eane said to them.
"What if you'll have difficulty in breathing again? " I shook my head.
"I can handle myself. " I gave them a weak smile as they smiled back at me. They told Ma'am Glenn about it and she came where I am.
"You okay?" She asked, I was silent again.
"That's okay, don't cry over him. There's a lot of men you'll meet in the future. He's not even worth crying for. " She said more comforting things to me that made me slightly better.
"Thank you ma'am Glenn. I just can't accept the fact that he said it just vanished completely. I don't get that point... " I said as I was already wiping my tears.
"Don't think about it. Just focus on yourself now hmm? " She said and I just smiled.
"Okay now, I need to head back, I have a class in grade seven. " She left. I was being fine already. I was starting to appreciate the time given I was alone.

My friends came back after that class because half of our classmates are going to the kitchen to cook dishes for our activity in TLE.
"Are there many people in the room?" I asked.
"Just a few, really few. " Eane said.
"I'll go back now." I said as I stood up then fixes myself.
"You sure? " Bianca asked, I just smiled then headed back inside the room. There, I saw some of my classmates like Kristel, Kiana, Michaela, but I also saw him at the back, sleeping. Just like always. I was bored that time so I asked Bianca if she wanted to dance. We like dancing as a hobby. We do Korean choregraphies by our idols then dance with it. We ended up dancing until our break's time finished. We were catching our breath together when some of our classmates are getting in one by one.

I feel so exhausted.

I feel like collapsing.

Why did you leave me?

What am I even to you?