Loved in Shades (A Jaylor Fanfiction)

Midnight

All the girls that you've run dry Have tired  lifeless eyes Cause you've burned them out.

Present time 2021
Taylor Swifts POV
The room is pitch black. The night leaves a dark atmosphere which also represents the time and definitely looking at the time, I should be asleep but I'm not. A lot of my songs have shown the time 2 a.m and I guess this is another 2 a.m moment. How can you be asleep though when the love of your life just walked out the door a few hours ago? As I continue to look at the ceiling in the night full with silence I try to remember how this all started and finished. How did it end like this? I decide if I'm going to be laying in a bed full of tissues, mascara staining my face while tears trickle down my cheeks, I should at least clean up. Is it just me or does cleaning help relieve some stress?

I sit up on our bed...my bed and dangle my feet off the end. I try and get the motivation to move but I can't. I bury my face in my hands as all has come to an end. My heart is feeling no pain like any other. I didn't think I could feel worse pain then when that drama started in 2016 or when I broke up with some ex's a while back. This though...this hurts. Cause and effect, cause and effect, cause and effect. I wish those effects were good though. I wish they were good outcomes but they weren't. I feel the darkness eating me alive like a monster killing me from the inside out. My heart is strained and there's a weight on my shoulder that won't go away. I wipe the salty tears off of my face and try to breathe. With my bloodshot eyes, I attempt to stop crying. They finally stop after a lot of forcing.

I take all that is in me to just stand up and push myself off of the bed. I pick up all the drenched tissues and toss them away. I take the evidence that ended it all and toss it in the trash. I don't want to see that ever again in my life. I go to the bathroom to wash off the my messed up makeup but all I see is black streaks running down my face and lifeless eyes. It's all black and white with no colors. The make up remover takes away all the streaks but I still picture them in my mind and see the pain in my face. It feels so hard to breathe. Breathing just seems impossible right now and my lungs are filled with water. I just keep filling my head with the thoughts of pain, tears and fighting.

The goodbye was predicable and I saw it coming but I didn't want it to end. I bet none of the Jaylor shippers did either. Apparently that's what they liked to call Joe and I. I think the ship name is cute but that ship is now as dead as the titanic. 7 hours 23 minutes ago is when it died. All my remaining happiness was drained. When he walked out the door with the bags I wasn't surprised. A year worth of fighting on the same topic will end some things. You just have to wonder if the issue is bigger then what the relationship can handle. I guess it was.

I see in the corner of my eye, a picture on the nightstand. I walk over to it slowly with my shoulders hanging low. I see the picture and it was a good time. It was happy. What is happiness again? I see the picture of Joe and I kissing in the picture frame. A picture is always a memory of the past and this was a good one. I pick it up slowly and analyze it. A small tear drips down my face and falls onto the glass frame. I barely even see a picture at this point. I see a frame with a picture but it's empty. All I can mentally see is a tear on an empty picture frame. The frustration and pain kicks in of how I see this picture and my veins fill with even more pain. I clench the side of the frames with my nails digging into the wood of it. The flashbacks of the fights play in my mind and it drives me insane. Flash, flash, flash, flash, fighting, pain, kisses dying, frustration and death. The inexplicable amount of emotions cause me to loose control. I toss the frame against the wall with all power in my body. I watch it hit, fall and every piece of it shatters. Everything. Not just a broken frame, it's shattered. Completely fallen apart and pieces are shattered all over the floor.

The tears I attempted to hold back turn into sobs again. They stream down my face and my eyes sting from the saltiness of them. I put my hands to my chest to breathe but I still feel nothing but pain. I break down and slowly fall down onto the floor. The shattered frame, the stinging eyes, the dark and the pain is all I feel.

People said our love would last. It would end in happiness and we would live our lives filled with magic. They believed that because that's what the public saw. No one saw what was actually happening to us. No one saw the spiral we were falling into. I take the a sheet from the bed and hold it to my chest. I basically hyperventilate with this sheet in my hands holding it to my face. I can still smell him.

I always said don't read the last page. The last page meant the end. The last page was read though. Joe Alwyn was the love of my life and he was that person that made me believe love existed. Now the relationship makes me believe that love exists but it never lasts. Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn didn't last.

I just want to go back to the first page. Go to when we first met. The beginning page of where it all started. I concentrate and begin to read that page in my mind.

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Authors note: well there's your depressing chapter of the day. (Like always when they come from me.)

Next chapter will be a flashback! This start made me hella sad though ugh. I need to actually have my favs be endgame sometimes.

What do you guys think so far?

Teaser:
"How can you get so much off of a 20 second conversation.

"Well, there were 30 other seconds of you staring at me."
-Taylor and Joe

Anyways,

Comment 😊

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-Madie❤️