Deaf Daisy | #1 in #americansignlanguage

4 Difficult Daisy

I hand the note to Serena when she arrives at the vending machine.

She opens it up, arches her brows. "What's this?" she asks.

Cannon left it on my desk, I tell her.

She hands it back to me. Did he say anything?

I shake my head.

What's he sorry for, being in your classes?

Guess so. Highly doubt he's apologizing for what happened ten years ago.

We begin walking to the car. I shoot a glance at the back wall of the cafeteria when we pass it. It's empty.

So he doesn't want to switch schedules.

Guess not.

So there's no way he's going to actually learn ASL since it's not what he wanted.

Guess not.

What if you teach him?

I look at my best friend's beautifully sculpted head as if there are three of them. Why would I do that.

She shrugs. Might make both of your lives easier.

You just said he probably doesn't want to learn.

Maybe he'd be willing if someone helped him.

He made my life miserable. Why should I help him? I had to learn it myself, and I actually needed it to survive.

I'm just saying, she continues, although I didn't ask. He's going through a really hard time right now. Wouldn't you want someone to reach out a helping hand if it were you?

I huff. Why don't you teach him, since you're so obsessed with him!

We're at the Prius now. Calm down, kitty cat, she signs before we climb into the cab. I know you're upset. But look at that note! He made a small effort. He said he's sorry.

I look down at the note in my hands. I play with it, allowing my fingers to fold and unfold it at will. Serena realizes I'm not going to sign anything else, so she starts the car and backs out of the up-front spot that we'd managed to reclaim.

Serena drops me off at home. Love you, I tell her.

Loved you first, she signs back. We never, ever fight.

Mummy's car is in the garage, but I go to my room without stopping to tell her hello. I unplug my iPhone from its charger. Open up Facebook. Search Cannon Kane. I find a few Cannons, but none of them are the droid I'm looking for. Not surprising; kids my age don't really use Facebook. Next I check Instagram. I find his account, but it's private. Can't stalk him unless I request to follow him. That'd be embarrassing. His profile picture is outdated — his hair is shorter. He's looking away from the camera candidly, pouting. Must be from a couple of years ago.

I think to try Twitter, but I don't think Cannon's all that political. I'm sure he has a Snapchat — we all do — but, again, I'd have to request to follow him. I find him on TikTok, but he hasn't made any posts himself. Honestly, he's not the type.

I don't know what I'm looking for, really. Maybe I thought I'd find some helpful information.

As a last effort, I search his name on YouTube. My droid has an account. It holds exactly one video, uploaded six months ago. The video is titled "Just f*$%ing around". The video still is of a long-haired Cannon holding an electric guitar in his lap. I press play. He picks at the strings. I don't know if he's playing a melody. Inferring from the title, he's not playing much of anything in particular. It's not very long, only around a minute and a half. He looks up once — only to shut the camera off. I pause it when he does. And I see him for the first time all semester. There's a person behind those eyes. A living soul, Serena would say. A spirit.