Waking up

Just Friends Forever

It is a very sad feeling when the person you want most never feels the same way. They just don't seem to understand. And Jamie has been realizing how much he's experienced this kind of longing. 

This morning, at approximately 9:30 am, Jamie woke up to a brittle cold morning. The kind of morning where your mouth feels full and bitter from breathing silently with it, but your face, along with your feet, is cold where it couldn't be covered by the heavy blankets dewy winter forces you to have. 

His limbs groaned as he shifted over on his side, attempting to huddle closer into the duvet. He forced his eyes closed in hope for sleep to shadow over his mind again. 

To no avail, unfortunately. 

And slowly, his eyelids creaked open to the cold. They burned slightly, so he blinked multiple times. Letting the blur of waking up wash away. Of course, he was still tired. The exhaust didn't let up that easily in the morning. 

But as he woke, the strange sound of another person breathing and shifting hit Jamie's ears. 

Kevin. 

The other boy was awake already (he had spent the night as friends do), on an air mattress next to Jamie's bed. His eyes vacantly stared at the ceiling, legs crossed smoothly. 

He and Jamie had been friends for a while. They met just that year in English class. A subject Jamie reveled in, while Kevin just made stupid jokes with his many peers. It was a wonder how they met. And slowly, Jamie started to realize that he didn't just want to be friends with Kevin. He wanted more than that. 

He wanted to be able to express his true feelings and not hide in this closet forever. 

But that's just not how life works. Life doesn't move that fast either. Not as fast as Jamie's feelings could develop.

However, at the moment it wasn't exactly on this lethargic Jamie's mind. What is and is not socially correct. He'd like to believe he'd still ask this if fully awake as well, though. 

"Kevin?" He whispered introvertedly. Loud enough to penetrate the cold, because Kevin heard very clearly and turned his head to face Jamie. His innocent eyes bore heavily into him, making his mind even more timed. 

"Hmm?" Was all he replied, obviously still waking up, or perhaps returning to reality. 

"What do you look for in someone? Someone you'd-"

"Yes?" Kevin beckoned him to finish his sentence, he seemed more alive now. More invested. And Jamie yet again contemplated if he should keep going. But decided it was too late to turn back.

"Someone you would date?" 

If Jamie hadn't closed his eyes in anticipation he would have seen a smirk cross over Kevin's features. As the other male took his sweet time to think, using his face to show that he was really ideating towards this. 

However, deep inside Kevin knew exactly what he would say. 

"I've never really thought about it before..." he sighed out, turning his head to face the ceiling again. Jamie opened his eyes with surprise. There was no way Kevin of all people had never speculated his perfect match. 

"I think I'd like someone who was... passionate." Jamie felt his heart drumming deeply in his chest. He worried this person would be way out of anything he could be. "Yeah, passionate. But not just about one thing or a few, about their own life, and everything they loved. Maybe even me." 

Jamie felt his eyes stayed glued to Kevin, and Kevin's dream. He wanted to remember every word, apply it maybe. 

"And someone who can get invested in something, deeply. Someone who cares for others. Not because they have to, but because it makes them feel right."