Destroying Myself (Myself #3)

Bonus Chapter 5 : 'The Start of a New Kingdom'

Happy.

A single word, reflecting such a deep and joyous emotion. An emotion that was being deprived from my life, depleting each second and I had no idea when I would feel it again.

Despair.

It clouded my heart, hitting from every corner and filling the tiny space of my chest. Each second felt I wouldn't be able to breath anymore, wouldn't have any optimism in the future. All it would be the negative signs of pregnancy kit reflecting back to me with a disappointed sigh.

Another negative.

Groaning, I gazed back into the mirror, to see the neutral smile on Rahul's face. How could he be so neutral? How could he just stand there and not question why unlike others I couldn't be pregnant? How could he just ignore this important situation in our life? We talked about kids before our marriage. We wanted kids more than anything in the world, a possibility of having a family after I had been snatched away from it.

We deserved it.

And yet, the test had another story.

Seething, I threw the test on the mirror, screaming, covering my ears. This wasn't possible. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. It was supposed to have a better end. I want a better end.

"You look extra happy," Alina commented, sitting opposite to me.

Gazing around the hall, I unfolded my legs and beat it heavily on the floor. The anticipation to see him overwhelmed any other emotion running in my body, the wait was getting into my head.

"I'm just waiting for Rahul." I was extra excited today, as if the day held something else for us, as if something was going to happen today that would define the rest of my life. "And you're for Kabir."

"No," She replied. "I—" Before she could complete her sentence, two sets of footsteps ran down the staircase.

"K! Adi! Careful!" I scolded, swirling my head to their grinning faces and face painted demeanour. They were Kabir's kids and I could say it without any doubt. They both had their father's mischief behaviour, his habit of revolving around their mother from day to night.

And carrying their painting sheets they laid them at our feet, jumped up and down. "How's it, bhua?"

I pretended to ponder whilst Alina laughed at their painted clothes and tried to clean the paint on Kiara's cheek with her kurta end.

"So that's what you both were doing in the room." I grabbed the wet paint sheets and grinned at their creativity of using hands for creating a printing design and writing their dad's name. "You made this because?"

"Papa's birthday." Kiara jumped excitedly, clapping her hands.

Oh. I totally forgot. My birthday was coming. With all the hospital and Rahul, the coming celebrations fleet out of my mind in another corner of the world.

"He will love it," Alina whispered lightly, a small smile curving her lips. "Now go and wash your hands." She pointed at her room, and listening they both retreated to their parent room, running and yelling.

God. They were such a handful. How Kabir and Alina handled them?

Chuckling at their disappearing figure, I diverted my attention back to Alina, her feet tapping the floor rapidly, her eyes squeezed shut, her hands brought together as if in a very deep-thinking process. Frowning, I placed my phone on the table, scooted to the edge of the sofa and placed my hand on her shoulder.