Ninjas of Love

Charlie Copson's Sexual Awakening

"Let me take over." Emily proffered, her blue eyes looking over at Charlie with a genuinely pity and a look that said "I'm sorry, this is my fault" without her having to open her mouth. When Charlie had accepted her offer by way of slowly, dejectedly nodding, she focused her gaze back to Glynda, who was somehow able to command the attention of the entire room despite the overwhelming vibrancy of the room's colour palette. The deputy headmistress widened her eyes and cocked her head forward, as if to kick Emily into gear.

"We come from the island of Patch, which- as you may know- does not have an academy, only schools for hunters and huntresses. Imagine Signal, but on a really low budget. It was called Aldi. But we've outgrown that place. We, as a team, thirst for adventure and for a place to continue our education. Myself and my three colleagues trekked for days.."
Glynda Goodwitch cut her off with a biting remark, "Is that why you have the cane?"
"No, that's chronic joint problems and fibromyalgia; anyway, my point is that we trekked here over the course of multiple days to represent Ipseity Academy in the upcoming Vytal Festival Tournament."
"Right here in Vale!" Kerian cut in, useless and expendable as ever, with a statement which, although his teammates could not doubt the truth of, was considered a little bit stupidly obvious by the facial expressions of everyone else in the room.

"As I was saying, Miss Goodwitch, we came to represent Ipseity in the tournament to prove to one of the other four academies that we are good enough to attend, and that we should not be cast aside as paragons of inadequacy purely because our birthplace happens to have a bit of water between itself and this great academy."
"May I just stop you for a moment?" Glynda asked, with one of those smiles that indicated that her question was not one that could easily be answered with "no", unless you really liked open palms meeting face. "You said earlier that Patch has no academy, and now you're waffling on and on and on and on about this Ipseity place. What's the true story?"
"Ipseity," the cane-clutching girl explained, "is the name of a fictional academy we created, as all teams in the tournament have to represent an academy in Remnant- and we're, well, we're free agents."

"I accept that you've come a long way to be here, but I simply don't have the power to put you in the tourn..."
"But I do." The booming voice came from a shadowy figure by the dresser, that Team BECK had not yet noticed within the room, but knew immediately by the distinguished-sounding, yet kindly tone of voice as Professor Ozpin. "And I have placed them in the tournament. In fact, if they can make the semi-finals, I'll consider letting them join our academy." He took a long stride out from the wall, so that he was roughly level with Glynda. "Nothing's set in stone, but I'll consider it. Coffee, Professor Goodwitch?" Ozpin held out a thermo-absorbent flask filled with coffee toward the blonde, who promptly batted it away with one beautifully manicured hand and stared daggers at the four trainees. "Consider yourselves lucky. Next time, I will make a decision without Ozpin being softer than yourselves when you see someone who bears any resemblance to that rabbit girl. You may go. But not back to lesson."

Whilst three of the four members of Team BECK simply dismissed the deputy head's talk of a rabbit girl as a poor attempt at humour, Charlie tried to imagine what such a girl would look like. Before he realised where he was, he realised he was lagging at least ten stairs behind his teammates- though he could hear Emily moaning about ableism and a lack of lifts- and, perhaps more distressingly, the thought of a rabbit-like girl had caused him to become engorged with blood.