The Science Wars (Legacy)

April 30, 1969 - The Mystery

After a long period where absolutely nothing happened, the facility is back in full opperation. Wayne and Dr. Golem have found some possible genetic evidence of who loaded the bullet.

* * *

I arrive in Sublevel 3, Section 34, Subsection 2. (AKA, the infirmary.) Dr. Wayne is busy removing a splinter from Dr. Potato, who is screaming in pain.

"How many hypos of Painyoubegone do I have to give you?" sighs Wayne, injecting another needle in Dr. Potato. Dr. Wayne is also the Chief Biologist. Nurse Jane takes care of most of the minor medical treatments.

Nurse Jane, meanwhile is trying to fish a snaketile claw sheath out of a test subject's eye.

"Wayne," I say, "I hate to interrupt the "treatment" , but you and Spud are needed in the conference room in 30 minutes.

"I hear you," sighs Wayne. "Here, Nurse. Use this bottle of Trislitherine to dissolve the claw."

Wayne gets up and leaves the room.

"Isn't anyone going to remove my splinter?" asks Dr. Potato. "I once knew this test associate whose coworker knew Janitor Bob whose assistant knew this test subject who started growing tree branches, and-"

"Spudus, you'll be fine," I say, picking up a Painyoubegone Hypo, and handing it to Wayne. "Subject 684 had a pinecone in his lung. That's why a tree grew out of him."

We drag a nervous looking Dr. Potato out of the infirmary.

"Uh, sir," says Wayne. "I don't think that's helping."

We pass by the lobby, which has a potted skeleton with a pine tree growing out of it.

* * *

All of the senior staff members, including me, myself, I, Dr. Potato, Dr. Wayne, Dr. Golem, Chief Barkley, Dr. Lingo, and Ambassadors S'taass and F'kaass sit around the table.

"Dr. Wayne and I have narrowed down who could be responsible. Wayne, you have permission to speak," says Dr. Golem.

"I've examined the bullet and I have found traces of snaketile DNA, but look what we also found," says Wayne.

Dr. Golem pulls out a .22 rifle out of a bag, which I recognize as my rifle from under my desk.

I gasp.

"We found this on the elevator service station on Sublevel 4, Section 2," says Dr. Golem.

"I've found what's obviously your DNA, but I have also detected a snaketile DNA sequence," adds Wayne.

"So let me get this straight," I say. "Whoever is responsible is a snaketile who knows where my office is, but also knows my access code."

"Sir, that narrows in down to the snaketile security officers, St'aass and F'kaass."

"I had only human security officers deployed near your office," booms Dr. Golem

"I went back to my dorm early. I was nowhere near the warehouse when the Elder One was shot," says F'kaass.

"We found the same snaketile's DNA on your office door keypad," say Wayne. Perhaps another person knows the code and fed our assassin some information."

"Wayne," I ask. "Have you been able to identify the snaketile's identity?"

"No," replies Wayne. "The DNA is definitely that of a snaketile, but it is very fragmented. I've gotten small traces of human DNA from the same cells, and it's definitely not yours. That also rules out the suicide theory."

Snaketile cells with traces of human DNA? No mutated test subjects have access to my codes.