Take Me Home

Issues

My friends had left on me a little while later, as we had given each other one of those half handshake, half hug, half pat on the back type thing, before we said our goodbyes.

"We'll see you soon, k buddy?" Connor shouted back at me as they had begun to walk down the front of my house, and towards the street.

"Ok, see you guys later!" I shouted as they continued to get further and further, and I only stayed on the porch, watching and waiting to finish my smoke up, as I had only lit it a little while ago. It was rather nice only sitting out there, all alone as I let the sudden piece sink into me, as the birds and the wind interrupted my thinking, as they came near and passed on by. And the quiet, it only calmed me down some more, along with my smoke.

Once I finally went back inside, my family was still in the living room, as now the second Star Wars film was playing, as they all looked up towards me as I entered.

"Where are your friends?" My father asked as I returned back and joined them in the room, taking my place back on the couch between Polo and Cody.

  "They had to leave," I spoke back to my dad who glanced over at me for a moment, before turning back to the TV.

"What friends were those?" Kate asked as I assumed they could see them from the window when we were talking, or at least a bit.

"They're the ones I had down in Oxnard," I explained to her, as somewhat of the attention was put onto myself.

"They came all this way, just to see you?" Cody asked as I looked over my shoulder, and nodded my head gently. He looked impressed, as though he imagined they would want nothing to do with me now.

"Wow, you have a real nice group of friends," mom had spoken next, until the room fell quiet again, as they all listened into the movie once more. And with that comment, I smiled to myself gently, as I received a heartwarming and grateful sensation. Yeah, they are a good group of friends.

We spent the rest of the day finishing the second movie, as it then went into the third, as we all only stayed in that one room, sitting all together. It wasn't the day I had expected. I thought, perhaps my parents would want to talk to me, however, they never brought anything up. And a feeling of disappointment, but also relieved spread inside me. I was hoping they would have said something to me. Today would have been a great day to talk, however, I still felt if they did want to talk, I would have closed up once more and not spoken a word. I didn't know what I wanted.

  Did I want to talk to my parents about everything that happened? Everything I went through, and my feelings during all of it? Or did I only want to keep quiet, and not tell them anything? Keep it a secret forever? And keep it locked up inside, along with the Chris part? I wasn't sure. And if I was being honest, I wasn't sure if I would ever know what I truly wanted.

The afternoon left, and the evening rolled on. My mother began to make supper, however, I did not help her. My father did, and my siblings and I only sat in the living room, continuing on with the movie. I hadn't helped mom make supper once since I had been back, and I also didn't help her grocery shop. She sometimes would offer and ask if I wanted to, however I always turned it down. It was as if she wanted me to get back into that routine, the one I had when I was seven. It was as if she was still treating me like that seven year old boy, however, I of course was not. I had changed quite a bit, but not for the better. It was all forced.

  I felt as if she would ask me to help her with supper, and to shop, because she wanted me to be that boy again. As if the first time we did those things together again, it would instantly click in my head, and I would be back as the boy who helped out with his parents and his siblings at times and back to the boy who liked playing catch with his father and brother and going for bike rides. But that boy was long gone, and was not coming back. I could not be him any longer. That boy was forever gone, stuck in those cabins, never being able to escape. That boy transformed into a broken one, and I was now in his place. And I felt every part of that.