A Touch of Rose //

2. Rose

Dear Future Me,

Today I did my morning routine, as usual, I went jogging, went to Starbucks and then to the library to get this new book from John Green. Before I went back to my apartment, I had a little chit chat with the doorman Jerry, who I consider a friend. He's British and he always has the best tea (gossip and real tea lol). He told me a new celebrity would be moving in right next to my apartment in two weeks. He said he couldn't tell me yet who it'll be, but he claims I'll like that person very much. FINALLY a friend in the building who isn't a snob? Hopefully...

Then I spent the whole day reading/finishing the book and honestly, it felt so good. I didn't even think about my job or about anything in the world. I also had my phone off the entire day and I felt so free. No worries, no obligations, no anxiety. First day free from anxiety in a year, except for clutching my necklace all the time. Mom thinks it's an anxious habit, but I think it's more inspiration. It's the most beautiful necklace and I'll never take it off. The chain itself is gold and hanging from it is this beautiful red rose with a golden stem. My grandmother's name is Rose (that's why my middle name is Rose) and she gave me this necklace when I was 13. I had a moment at 13 years old where I wanted to quit dancing and give up on all my hard work. My grandmother showed me why I actually love dancing. The necklace gives me strength to express myself how I want. It gives me the feeling that I can touch the ceiling and flourish like a beautiful rose. The necklace has been handed down for generations and was always given to the oldest girl when she'd turn 18 years old, but my grandmother decided to give it to me earlier because she felt like I needed a daily reminder of my strength. I consider the necklace to be my lucky charm, especially knowing that I blew up the internet a year later. Granny Rose used to be a dancer herself, actually she was a beautiful ballet dancer and performed a lot in her twenties. I've always looked up to her and wanted to become just like her. She lives nearby and we check on each other all the time. She's family, but she's also more than that.

Eventually I did decide to put my phone on in case of emergency or if family or friends called. Within 5 minutes of putting my phone on, suddenly it rang. SIGH.

I looked on my screen and picked up the phone.

„Hey Charlie." OF COURSE IT HAD TO BE HIM.

„Emmy! Finally I could reach you. I've been trying to reach you all day!" Charlie overreacted a bit.

„I had my phone-free day. Remember?" As if he'd remember...

„Oh yeah. Sorry I forgot about it. You know it's been..." I could finish his sentence without him saying a thing.

„... it's been busy. Yeah I know..." There was silence."I was thinking of flying in to LA for a few days. What do you think?"

First there was silence and then Charlie sounded quite excited: „Yes! That would be awesome!"

„Great." I said.

„Great" He said. There was silence again. We both just didn't know what to say.

Charlie and I have been through a lot. 3 years of loyalty and love and honestly I feel like the love is fading... I love him, but you know there's something missing, something that  isn't there anymore, you know? He was my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first time and my first love, but maybe it's the end? I don't know.

You know that feeling like you've known someone for such a long time and then suddenly you just didn't and you weren't in sync anymore? I'll fly out to LA next weekend to see him. I need to figure out how I feel about him and maybe seeing each other will be a good thing. Maybe it'll freshen things up. We'll see.