Deadpool 2 X Reader

Chapter 7: Old Lady Who Lived in a Crack Den

Your P.O.V

The sound of Al's laughter and the loud dialogue from her television met your ears as you and Wade slowly slipped into her apartment.  Wade went in first, opening the door as quietly as possible, never taking his eyes off the old woman.  You followed suit, closing the door with an almost inaudible click. Luckily, what noise you did make was drowned out by the television. "You got the money?" A cheesy gangster said through the speakers.

As You and Wade make you way to the middle of the living room, you leaned over your crouching boyfriend and looked at the television, watching as one of the characters raised up a gun. "This is a stickup!" He said.  You continued to watch for a moment, seeing the non-gangster character try and slowly reach for a gun underneath the counter.  Then, you felt a light smack on your knee.  Looking down, Wade waved for you to get off the carpet which you did so quickly.  Wade pulled back the carpet, exposing a bare, hardwood floor in which he removed a small portion of to reveal a stash of weaponry and cocaine.

Removing one fo the large bags, Wade pressed the cocaine to his lips, giving it a quick kiss then placing it over his heart.  Then, he looked up to you and placed a finger of his lips, signaling you to be quiet.  Without moving, you watched as Wade got up and tiptoed around Al, who had just recently entered the room, and nestled in between her armchair and the coffee table.  Speaking in unison with the screen, Wade spoke, only a foot from the blind woman's face.  "I'm thinking it over."

In an instant, Al's gun was out, aiming straight out in front of her and straight out at you.  Quickly, you took a large step to the left, out of the line of fire.  "Motherf*ck!"  She said.  "Fuck!" Al took a few deep breaths in between sentences. "The hell you doin' here? Don't you know how to knock?"  Wade stuck his nose into the thin plastic of the bag as he moved away from her. "I thought you saw me... with your ears."

Al scoffed.  "You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the..."  "The wall? Refrigerator? My girlfriend? She's here too!"  Wade interjected.  Al straightened up in her seat.  "Oh my! Y/N? It's been a while hasn't it?" Al said, a smile grew on her face. "Hey al." You said, also giving a smile and waving.  You didn't wave for long however, quickly realizing that perhaps a wave wouldn't really be perceived on Al's part.

Wade gestured to the gun that Al was slowly lowering into her lap. "I'd prefer not to have any other of my ex-lovers, well, in this case current lover, murdered thanks."  Both you and Al turned to the direction of his voice.  Wade started in the direction of Al and spoke as quickly as he did quietly. I'm in so much pain." He gasped out.

You started at him, startled, as he suddenly fell back and onto the floor. The fall sounded painful but he didn't seem to mind.  "I heard the news sweetie. I'm very sorry, I am." Al said sadly.  "It was my fault I didn't protect her.  I was an assassin as well as her friend and they knew that!"  You huffed in exasperation.  "It was my fault too Wade!  I was more of a local assassin anyway so it makes more sense to put the blame on me!"  Wade shook his head stubbornly.  "No.  You're too hot to blame.  I look like a blistered Voldemort.  Like he forgot his sunscreen.... at a nude beach...". Wade threw his arm over his face and moaned.  Al turned her head to your general direction.  "What's this about a beach?"  You shrugged.  "I... I have no idea."

Wade sighed.  "What am I going to do Al?"  Though Wade addressed Al, his eyes were on you. Not that you noticed though.  Instead, you began to pace around the apartment, biting on your thumb in a mix of frustration, guilt, sleep-depravition, stress, the rest of the usual emotions.  "Probably something terrible.... knowing you."  Al said matter of factly.

"It was my fault. I f*cking did this." Wade said, eyes leaving you to look at the ceiling.
"And all I wanna do is grab her and see her and tell her that i'm sorry, and I can't. She's gone."  "Sweetheart, can you speak up?" Al said gently before turning on her tough voice. "It's a little hard to hear you with that pity dick in your mouth." Al turned her head again, in your direction once more.  "As for you; Honey, just go into the bathroom and light up the bong.  You sound like you need some weight pulled off your shoulders."  Your eyes widened at her proposal.  "Why is there a bong in your bathroom?"  "Shower thoughts."  Al replied, waving her hand and dismissing you.

Shrugging, you turned and made you way into the bathroom.  Despite the smell of mold and old lady cream, the air was much more breathable.  No doubt to the lack of tension.  Closing the door with a sigh, you looked around until you spotted a bong in the corner of the shower.  Picking it up and grabbing a lighter, you closed your eyes and embraced the relaxation.

Wade's P.O.V (voice 1) [voice 2]

Wade watched as a very tired looking Y/N got up and left the room, closing the bathroom door with a soft click.  Wade then looked back at Al, her head still turned in the direction of the bathroom.  "Now look sugar. You and Y/N need to just keep living."  She said, turning her head back in the direction of Wade during the last of her sentence.

"Thank you... Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure." Wade said sarcastically.  "Now listen here you daft idiot.  I'm going to say this to you and I'm going to say the same thing to Y/N; Listen to the pain." Al said "It's both a history teacher and a fortune teller. Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. Sometimes it's so bad, we fee like we're dying. But we can't really live till we've died a little , can we?"

Al was met with only silence. "Wade?" Nothing. Voice 1 spoke. (Oh man! You know what this means right?) Voice 2, the more practical one, retorted. [Oh no...]  "WAde?" Al spoke again, this time louder. "I'm right here, Althea. And that is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard."

Wade hopped up. He had an idea, a stupid, awful idea.  Possibly the stupidest idea in his life.  And this was coming from a guy who signed up for green CGI spandex. Voice 2 tried voicing his opinion, [Wade this idea is beyond st-] but Wade cut him off, stuffing the bag of cocaine in his mask and delivering a quick punch to his face, busting the bag open. Voice 1 laughed hysterically as voice 2 coughed and sputtered. Nothing like good old drugs to hinder reason.

"I'm about to do something terrible."  Wade clapped his hands together, sending up a wave of cocaine as he lowered his arms to his side dramatically. "Take care of Y/N for me!" Wade said, hopping up and out the door, closing it with a slam.

Al's P.O.V

Al turned her head quickly from side to side. If anyone could stop that crazy boy it was Y/N. "Y/N! Y/N?" Al half wondered if the girl was even still here. The barely audible creak of a door, however, quickly refreshed her of the girl's location.  "Y/N sweetie, you gotta go.  I'm afraid Wade's decided to so something, I don't exactly know what, but I do know it's going to be stupid."  Y/N spoke. "Ha, huh.... oh sh*t....". Y/N's voice went from a small chuckle to concern.  "Can you drive me tho?  I refuse to drive my bike while I'm wasted...  Good kush by the way!". Al refrained herself from face palming.  Instead, with a sigh, she spoke.  "I'll just call a taxi how about that?"

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!  I'm really enjoying writing this and hope you enjoy reading it just as much!  If you guys remember from the last Deadpool x Reader, Wade's internal voices are back!  Hope you guys like them as much as I do!
~ <3 <3 ApocalypseRaccoon