Deadpool 2 X Reader

Chapter 4: The Letter

"Put that dolloro away amigo."  The Dora said to the man, slowly pushing his handful of cash away.  "Oh my god."  You said. "Did anyone even try on the script?  I mean, google translate isn't that hard to use!"  Wade shifted in the hot tub, the bills crinkling under his weight.  "Shh!  This is my favorite part!"  He said, whispering.  He leaned in eagerly to the screen as, in one swift move, the business man Dora had been seducing, ripped off his entire suit in one flourished movement.

"Oh man!"  Wade exclaimed.  "Wish I could do that!"  You turned your head away from the screen.  "You want to tear your whole suit off?  Under what circumstances would you need to do that?"  Wade turned his head to face yours.  "For when I get home!  Y/N.  You and I both know taking off our suits is not easy.  Remember the time when we tried to f*ck and I got stuck trying to upzip your suit?"  You laughed.  "Yes.  Not our sexist time."  Wade grinned at the sight of your smile and turned back to the television.

"Oh!  Before we really get into it for the night.."  You reached behind you to a nearby table where a partially torn letter sat in solitude.  "Vanessa sent us each a letter earlier this week.  She said to open this one as soon as you got back.  It got a little torn in the mail."  Wade took the letter and began to open it.  "What did she send you?"  "The usual girl talk.  Said her and Daniel are going as strong as ever."  Wade grinned.  "You know, that reminds me."  You tilted your head.  "Reminds you a what?"  Wade continued to slowly open the litter. 

"We've been going strong for a good while now as well and I still need to get a token of my lady's affection."  You raised an eyebrow.  "A token you say good sir?"  Wade nodded.  "Like a personal little memento of you.  For the past 11 months I've just been carrying around a ski ball token from Vanessa and my first date.  Genuine high grade lead."  You frowned and stared at him suspiciously.  "Why?"  Wade didn't seem to notice.  "Because if it wasn't for that first date, I wouldn't have never met you."

Before you could reply, Wade tossed the empty envelope behind him as he opened the thrice-folded paper.  "Huh!  Addressed to both of us!"  Wade said.  You leaned over and looked at it curiously.  The letter read as such:

Dear Wade and Y/N,
The reason this is addressed to both of you is because I know Wade is away and I want to you to figure out at the same time. As Y/N already knows, Daniel was just recently promoted to chief car salesman.  Because of how well things are going, we've been considering tying the knot.  I even took out my IUD.  Anyways, see you all soon!  Maybe we can even do a double date?
Love always,
Vanessa

An excited gasp escaped your lips as you scanned through the letter.  "Well that..."  Wade began, clearly struggling with his words.  "That's just the most beautiful thing... I don't know what that is."  "What the IUD?"  Wade nodded.  "Yea.  Is that like... a bomb?"  "No d*ck for brains it's a birth control device.  Vanessa and I got matching ones like a year ago."  Wade's eyes widened.  "So you mean she-". You nodded and grinned.  "Baby factory's open for business."

Wade wrapped his arms around you and laughed into your shoulder.  "OH My GOD!  Oh!  I want her to have a boy!  Or a little girl!"  You smiled and wrapped your arms around him and laughed lightly.  "Definitely one or the other!"  "That's a reasonable request."  You said, face buried in his muscular shoulder.  The two fo you hugged in a happy silence for a moment before Wade, in a much quieter voice, addressed you. 

"When we have kids... can they only have one name?  Like Sher or Todd."  You pulled back, looking into Wade's eyes.  "WHEN." You emphasized.  "You know I'm not really ready yet."  Indeed you weren't.  You were so accustomed to fitting into leather-tight uniforms and kicking a**.  But the idea of kids was something you couldn't handle just yet.  You paused for a moment before eyeing Wade seriously.  "And don't you get any ideas of poking a holes in any condoms.  You'll have a kid soon enough."

Wade nodded.  "I know.  But baby,". He grabbed you by the shoulders and looked you in the eye.  "When you're ready I'll pump a baby in you better than anyone you've ever seen."  You grinned.  "Then I look forward to seeing that, cowboy."  Wrapping your arms around Wade's neck, you began pulling him down on top of you in the tub.  But for now, how about a little practice?"

Instantaneously, Wade fell into your body, hugging your waist.  Both of you locked lips as you tumbled down into the pile of cash.  However the kiss was short lived as soon, the need for oxygen became too great and the both of you released, panting.  Wade placed both his hands on either side of your head and grinned down at you.  You felt a surge in your heart and instinctively grinned back.  Wade's eye then shifted out of the hot tub and seemed to focus on the wall near the door.  "Hey babe?"  You looked up at him.  "What is it?"  You sat up, facing Wade as he stared through you.  "I advice ducking."  "What?" 

Suddenly, Wade wrapped both him arms around you, throwing you to the ground of the hot tub.  "F*CKING DUCK!"  The sharp sound of the door bursting open and the sound of gunshots began to rings out within the confines of the apartment.  Somebody had just broken in and ruined your night.  Now it was time to ruin their life.

A/N: Sorry this was published a day later than usual!  I felt really sick yesterday and just slept a solid 12 hours.  I'm feeling a bit better so I was able to finish the chapter today.  So, here ya go!  I should be publishing at the usual time next week.  Thanks so much for all the support!
~ <3 <3 ApoclaypseRaccoon