The Demon's Whispers

45- Backward Motions

The walls were coming in, darkness was shadowing my eyes, the oxygen was being cut off from my lungs and the once 5 bedroom home was now becoming my tomb.

I couldn't stay here. I couldn't breathe here. I needed out.

Pulling myself out the garage, I headed straight for the bedroom, passing Zak in a breeze as he was stood in the kitchen, probably waiting for my reaction, maybe even my decision to change. But it can't.... It won't.

I needed to get away from him, I needed time to think and to understand what he was asking. Because it was something I couldn't give and I didn't know if this was some test. If I didn't know any better, I would have said that he planned this. That he planned this pregnancy, because he wasn't entirely shocked when he got the results! But this time, I couldn't pass the blame onto anyone but myself. I forgot to take one damn pill on time. One!

I didn't understand that the effectiveness changed?! I thought one pill had me covered and that was that! Like an invisible shield defending off any super swimmers as Zak called it.

This was my fault. His fault for pushing me too!

Which is why I had to go...

Shoving my clothes into a hold-all, I rushed to the bathroom and grabbed all my things before faltering at the door when I exited to find Zak stood in the bedroom.

You have to do this..

"Where are you going?" He questioned as I dropped my toiletries into my bag.

I didn't answer, no point in telling him a lie.

"I asked where you were going?"

"I'm not staying here.." I answered looking for my charger, I snagged it off the floor and pushed it into a side pocket.

"Look, I'll take another room, you don't have to change rooms."

I scoffed and looked up at him. "No Zak. I'm not staying here... At all."

His mind slotted the pieces into place and realisation came over his eyes "W-what? You can't just leave!"

"Watch me."

"Leah..." He frowned.

"No! My decision, my only option that I have disgusts you. Which means you're disgusted in a part of me. That hurts!"

"It's not you! I just don't agre—"

"With abortions. Yeah, I get it. Neither do I. But the prospect of mourning another child is something I can't deal with... I'm sorry Zak. But I have to go."

He folded his arms glancing between me and the bag. "Go where? Leah there is nowhere you can go?!"

"Home. I can go home. I can go anywhere, I have some savings. Not a lot but I have some.." I answer pulling my bag onto my shoulder.

I slip out the bedroom and snag my jacket from the hangers, the only thing that was out of place in Zak's immaculate home was the coat rail, the only thing that made this palace like house a home.

"When will you be back? Are you coming back? Is... Is this it?" He questions.

My body stops by the door as I swallow the lump in my throat. I know he is waiting for this answer, but I am too and truthfully, I have no freakin' idea...

"F-forget what I said, yeah? L-let's go with the abortion, if... If that's what you need to do." He stutters making my brows crease.

"That's not what you want Zak. You don't mean it..."

"No, but I want you. And if it means we have to do things your way. Then okay."

I shake my head "And then we will both be lying to ourselves. Goodbye Zak."

Slipping out the front door, I rush down the path and don't take a breath until I'm off his property and even when I do, its shaky and sharp. The only place I could go, was home. Back to the past and everything that was once me and Cody.

I seemed to take one step forward and 6 back.....

...........................................

Zak POV.

Click...

My eyes stayed on the door, waiting for her to step back in. Waiting for her to knock and say it was a mistake, waiting for her.

I knew how Gracie felt when she sat and waited me for to come home. Which is suddenly how I vowed never to leave her at home alone again.

She'll come back... Won't she?

She just needs time. That's all, it's a shock. But we could do this together.. But she seemed pretty determined not to do this. What if she does this alone?

My heart tightened.

She wouldn't do that to me..

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

I can't go after her, it will make things worse... Should I text her?

No. No leave her.

I turned away from the door and slowly made my way back through the house. Listening to the silence, the quicksand was coming in, almost sliding down the walls and filling the room, making the quiet insufferable. The house felt cold, I felt cold. The love was gone. Bricks and mortar couldn't keep me warm at night. They couldn't hold my hand or kiss my shoulder in the mornings.

This was me.

This was it.

She was gone and I knew, without the words leaving her lips, that it was for good. Because everyone leaves me at some point.

The irony of not wanting a family for so many years. But now the prospect of one looms, I've had it taken away. I lost the woman I love and the chance at being someone else's hero.

I thought I knew pain. Turns out, I didn't know it at all.

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Sorry guys for the lack of updates, I won't bore you with details, just illness & anxiety. Writing helps ease my problems but when it includes using a phone.. it has a knock on effect, just wanting to get this out for you all, for your patience.

Much love.