The Demon's Whispers

44- Torn

The bathroom door was open, telling me that he wasn't in there. Deciding to go and look for him, I pulled back the bedding and went to slide out the bed when my eyes landed on the information pamphlet the doctor had given me yesterday...

My eyes zoning in on the one word I hated. The meaning and motion of that word laying heavy on my soul.

My hand grazed my stomach instinctively before I realised, snatching it away, I frowned and got up.

Find Zak.

Find Zak.

Find.

Zak.

I went all over the house, in every damn bedroom, nook and crannies before I found him. His feet pounding the treadmill as he ran staring at the monitor in front of him.

In a pair of running trainers and shorts, he had ditched the shirt in favour of going topless. Letting the sweat roll down his skin as he puffed.

His head tweaked hearing me by the door, but he didn't stop.

"You're up early..." I spoke quietly moving into the garage.

His head lowered and he pushed the speed up. "I wasn't tired." He grunted back making me nod.

"Have you eaten?" I questioned whilst trying to work out how long he had been up for him to be this sweaty.

"Not hungry."

My shoulders sagged. "You should eat—"

"I said I'm not hungry!" He snapped pushing the tempo button again.

I watched the speed pick up and his body go from a light run to almost a sprint. His body began moving differently and his feet were struggling to keep up with the speed...

"Zak slow down."

His chest began working harder and a struggled look filled his face but before I could move, he snarled and pushed his head down.

The smashing of his feet were almost deafening.

"Zak, slow it down."

He ignored me again.

Worried for his safety, I went forward and reached for the low button when his hand shoved mine away.

"LEAVE IT!" He shouted.

My eyes flicked across his body and down to the treadmill. Do something!!

"No! Slow it down or I'll turn it off." I warned.

"Zak...."

"Zak."

"Zak!"

Screw this! 

I walked beside him and yanked the lead from the wall aggressively. Cutting the motor dead and causing Zak to fly off the treadmill.

My eyes nearly fell out my head as he went over and landed on the floor hard.

"Shit!" I cried falling to my knees to check if he was okay. Reaching for him, he shot away.

"Don't touch me!"

He got up hastily and walked off his limp as I stayed knelt on the floor.

"Why are you being mean?"

His eyes flew to me "Me?! Why am I being mean? Why am I not enough for you?!"

Shock hit me dead in the chest "What on earth are you talking about?" I asked getting up and walking over to the work bench he was sat on. "Of course you're enough! You're.. You're incredible, amazing and I don't deserve you! Why would ever think that you weren't good enough for me?"

He scoffed and looked up at my face "I'm not good enough to be a father."

Air left my lungs as his eyes showed pain and he lowered his head "That's why you're having an abortion. Isn't it?"

"N-no." I stuttered shaking my head. "No. That's not why I want this."

"Then what is it?! You were willing to do it with Cody! Willing to do it then but not now? Why not? I'm here!Living and breathing, Leah! Why can't you let me have the chance?!"

"But you never wanted kids. You... I.." I shook my head "It was different with Cody."

"How?" He questioned. "How was it different? I'm here, I can give you everything you want and more. You'll never have to work! I can support you... You both." He spoke glancing to my stomach.

"I... I can't."

"Why?!" He snapped angrily.

"Because I can't! I don't want this baby! I can't have this baby! You don't understand! I can't lose another baby! It hurts too much! After Amelia, I- I can't do it!" I cried.

"So, I don't get a say in the matter?" He asked looking at me. "I don't get a say on whether my baby lives?"

"It's not a baby. It's nothing right now."

He flew from his seat "Fuck you!" He yelled in my face making me gasp back a cry. "This is not just your decision! I want to try! I want to be a father! I want to—"

"It's not a video game Zak! It's a life!"

"That you're going to take!" He threw back.

"It's for the best..."

"For who? For me? For us? No.. It's best for you. Fuck what I want, right? Men don't get a say. Well you know what? If I could have that baby, if I could physically carry a part of you and me and have a baby. I would! And you know what that tells me?"

I shook my head.

"That I'm more committed to this than you are. You don't love me. You don't want me!"

"That's not tru—"

"Yes it is!" He shouted back making me lower my head.

"You know.." He continued with a lower voice making me glance up to him. "For the first time since starting this lifestyle, I want something, that I can't have. I want something, I can't buy. And I would... I'd buy it. Maybe I wouldn't be amazing at it, but I'd learn. I'd do everything I could to make that baby's life amazing..."

"Zak—"

"No... No don't you dare try and make excuses. You do whatever the fuck you've decided to do. I'll support you. But I'll tell you this, I don't condone it. It makes me sick!" He hissed before storming out the garage and slamming the door closed behind him.

A cry escaped my chest as tears began to stream down my face.

This was the start of it.. This was the start of my world caving in.