optional // l.s.

five (*)

trigger warning: abuse

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"fuck!" louis heard from his room and didn't even flinch when something fell onto the floor and shattered. louis was surprised they still had photo frames & decorations from how much his father drank and threw things.

he didn't bother coming out of his room. he wasn't trying to get in his dad's way. he would just wait until he's passed out and clean it up later. nothing new.

louis heard footsteps inch closer to his room and he was actually nervous because they didn't belong to ethan. his dad never messed with him when he was drunk. the steps were heavy and uneven. louis tried to focus on his book but when his door opened, he had to shut it. the words were confusing him.

"where's your brother?" his dad asked, gripping the doorknob.

"i dunno," louis lied. ethan was out with friends at the skatepark. "see if he's in the basement? he may be drawing."

louis' father nodded and left, stumbling down the stairs.

ethan came home around nine. their dad was passed out on the couch with a bottle of whiskey sitting on the coffee table. louis was in the kitchen trying to find something to eat that he wouldn't throw up and sighed, settling on a grilled cheese sandwich.

"how long has he been home?" ethan asked.

"since four," louis mumbled as he prepared his food. he didn't want to see his brother's face. his voice alone was sickening. "he asked where you were."

"oh."

"i lied for you," louis said and put the sandwich on the pan. "i wasn't trying to deal with his shit today. and i'm not trying to deal with yours either."

ethan shrugged and grabbed one of their dad's beers from the fridge. "fine by me. later, bubs."

louis rolled his eyes and flipped the sandwich. it's been days since he could actually stomach something, and he would be quite upset if he wouldn't be able to eat this fucking sandwich. they're his favorite with soup but they don't have any at the moment, which was a bummer.

when he finishes cooking, he carries it upstairs and hides in his room to munch on his snack while flipping through the pages of shelter.

---

fall break sucked. since louis didn't have a phone, he couldn't contact liam or zayn. he was too shy to go to their houses and see if they would be down to hang out because he was afraid he'd look like a fool.

louis managed to keep down grilled cheeses for the week. anything meat wise he puked up. anything fatty, gone too. he couldn't even keep down ice cream, and that made him even more sad because how can you watch sad movies without it? the outsiders made him bawl like a baby and being the bookworm he was, he always watched the movie after reading the book so he could compare and contrast between the two.

the movie was how louis discovered he was definitely attracted to men. darry was half naked and louis was like woah he's fine, and kind of just...went from there.

louis finished shelter. he also picked up his all time favorite book called walk two moons and finished it in a day. he wished he was at school so he could tell mr. styles about all the books he got into and get more from the man. harry was right, he was a sucker for young adult novels and he chose the best ones to read.

maybe louis could let him borrow one of his own books, maybe they could keep swapping until they are out of books to read.

---

louis flinched when his door swung open and hit the wall. the force left a hole, that's for sure. louis' bookshelf wobbled and he was afraid the wooden stand would fall and collapse. luckily it didn't.

"you're home early," louis mumbled.

"shut up," ethan snapped and slammed the door shut. "i need you."

louis shook his head. "not happening."

the older boy crawled on louis' bed and pinned him down. "it's happening. i fucking need you and you're not going to push me away."

louis kept shaking his head and pushed his leg out, kicking his brother off of him. "n-no. i'm done, ethan. i'm not doing it!"

ethan picked up one of louis' books and chucked it at him, hitting him in the chest. "pussy."

louis frowned and put the book under the covers.

ethan grabbed another thing of louis' and just kept throwing them at him, degrading him every time.

"no, don't!" louis jumped and scrambled off of the bed when his brother went towards his bookshelf. he had a row designated to the books harry let him read and there were still a few there that he recently finished and forgot to take back to him.

"aw, poor little louis came to save his books?" ethan teased and grabbed paper towns. "this one sucked."

louis shrieked when his brother ripped the cover off of it. "s-stop! that's not mine!"

"shame," his brother shrugged and louis pushed his hands onto his chest, shoving him away from the shelf. the copy was the one that belonged to the school. they had a three week checkout time, and louis was planning on reading it again before he turned it back in. now he has to either pay for the replacement or buy a new book and try to make it look decent by peeling the school sticker off of the old one and putting it on the new.

"i hate you, i hate you, i hate you," ethan said as he kept throwing things at louis. "fuck you," he repeated and littered bruises on his arms and even knocked him in the head a few times.

louis curled up against his door and whimpered, covering his head with his arms. his brother was high. anytime he drank or was under the influence of some sort, he was just like their dad: stupid, mean and physical.

"please stop," louis shook as he spoke. "please..."

"you're pathetic," ethan snorted. louis peeked up from his position and saw his brother coming towards him. ethan crouched down and pulled louis up by his shirt, pinning him against the wall.

"you're weak. you're puny, you're a fucking waste," ethan seethed and grabbed louis' neck, squeezing it as he pushed the boy back further. "you're the stupidest little brother ever."

louis clawed at ethan's wrist and tried to push him away. ethan was bigger than him, muscular and prominent. one of his hands was the size of both of louis'. louis was weakly gasping for air and he was panicking. this was it. his brother was going to kill him.

"e-eth..an," louis gasped and louis felt his own pulse in his mouth. his brother let go and let him fall to the floor. louis coughed and heaved, gasping for air. his neck hurt, his head was pounding. ethan watched as the boy struggled to recollect himself and gave him a final kick to his side.

"you're lucky it was just that," he sneered and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

louis used his bed as his support to stand and he looked around the room. some of his trinkets were broken in pieces, a few books were scattered across the room and laying by the foot of his bed was a picture frame that was shattered.

louis frowned when he noticed the picture inside was of him, ethan and his mum at louis' twelfth birthday party.

---

damn.

its 8am and i have a half day today at school. plus im off work so im probably just gonna sleep allllll day. so here's an update just in case i mess up & end up not updating. i luh yew 💙