I do love you // Jungkook x depressed! reader

Soon

    Summer was approaching and everyday I dreaded Jungkook's departure. His mom and dad had let me stay in the room next to Jungkook, but I promised I'd leave once Jungkook left. School was nearly over for today and it was the second to last school day before school ended.
I was mopping the floor when a wave of sadness hit me. Jungkook will leave. He'll meet a girl better than me and he'll never talk to me again. I'll be forgotten because I'm not important. I leaned on the wall for support and stared up at the window that let in sunshine with a blank expression.
    On the first floor I heard Jungkook open the door and declare that he was home. I heard his mom and dad tell him welcome home. I never had that. Only when I was little did I receive such loving embraces. I got home and was met with the stench of alcohol and a reminder that dad was never coming home.
    I sat in silence watching the clouds through the window. My hands shook gently and my breathing hitched. The one person who shows me love, the one person I trust with my love, is leaving. He'll be an idol and will have millions of girls swoon at the sight of him. He'll have fans desperately want to meet him. Fans making stories of their fantasies with him. And I'll be here in Busan, all alone like I have always been.
    I stood up and finished mopping the floor. I put the mop away and walked up the remaining stairs to my bedroom. Once I reached inside, I looked around the place. The forest green and white room. It was so beautiful. Too bad.
    I grabbed my bag and emptied out the drawers and closet. Packing away everything I owned, I set it aside on the bed. I walked down the stairs and entered the living room where Jungkook was doing his homework and his mom was reading a magazine. I gave Mrs. Jeon a smile and walked past to the kitchen. It was around four in the afternoon so I began getting ingredients for dinner.
Once I had everything set I didn't want to start cooking just then so I left for the living room and sat next to Jungkook. I looked at his completed homework and tried to wrap my head around everything he was doing. For math there were so many variables that it felt like a foreign language. There was Korean which I thought I would understand more but somehow the school's instructions on the homework and Jungkook's essay made me feel as if I didn't know Korean at all. For science I felt hopeless because it wasn't biology, which I was decent at, but it was chemistry. And in his history paper there were events and names I've never heard of.
I set his homework down and frowned. I was so stupid compared to him. I knew nothing about what he knew so much about. Even with online courses I was probably as smart as a sixth grader. How could I ever get a job?
Mrs. Jeon looked up and smiled at me. "(Y/n), do you think you could take pictures of Jungkook's last day here for us?" She asked. I nodded, faking a smile. Mrs. Jeon told me thank you and then turned back to her magazine. I looked at the magazine cover and saw a picture of a beautiful Korean girl with silky black hair and pale skin. I looked down at my feet, conscious of how my skin was an average tan color and how my hair had lost its shine from hardly eating for years.
I stood up and headed back to the kitchen and started cooking dinner although it was early. I was done around 5:30 and dinner wasn't until 6:30-7:00 so I stared at the dinner with blank eyes. I suddenly shot out of the room screaming "I'm sorry Mrs. Jeon but I have to leave!"
I sprinted up the stairs and grabbed my bag. I took off down the stairs and was met by a confused Jungkook. "Where on earth are you going?" He asked. I only shook my head and sprinted past him and out the door. I couldn't face him. Not when he was going to leave me.
I sprinted down the streets, ready to let my adrenaline take me all six miles. Once I was halfway there I stopped running and started walking. I couldn't think clearly, my thoughts were running in all directions. Jungkook's leaving, I'm ugly, I should lose some weight, my body's disgusting, Jungkook will find someone better.
I was about one mile to my house and my legs felt numb. I had a pounding headache and my body shook uncontrollably. I fell down on the side of the road. I didn't cry, I felt as if I was empty. Like I was missing something I could never get back.
    I slowly sat back up and groaned. I wanted to just leave. To leave Busan. To leave Korea. To leave this life. I hated everything about my life and what I went through. I slowly walked past stores with people who smiles. Beautiful women with perfect bodies. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I could feel myself giving up on living.
    I never realized how dependent on Jungkook I was. I was happy and I felt normal with him. But when I didn't have him with me, my world was driven to the ground. It's almost as if I only love him because he makes me happy. Like I use him. It made me feel guilty beyond belief. I don't know what loving feels like. To make love. To have kids who bring you happiness.
    As a little girl I wanted to have kids so I could be just like my parents. Later in life I wanted to have kids so I could be better than my parents. So I could feel their love. But once I reached middle school or high school, I gave up the fantasy. No one would love me. And even if they did they wouldn't want to have kids with me.
    Children were terrified by my body anyways.
    I finally reached my house after what felt like hours. It could have been hours actually. I spotted a black car outside my house. I frowned and walked forward suspiciously. When I opened the door, Jungkook was on one knee with a relieved expression on his face.
"You're finally here."