I do love you // Jungkook x depressed! reader

Crying

    His dark brown eyes were wide as he stared at my scar. I hurriedly wrapped my arms around my body, covering the scars that littered my body. Jungkook looked at me with teary eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?" He said softly. I looked down at my knees in shame.
"I couldn't. I'm sorry." He got out of the pool and ruffled his wet hair frustratedly. He kicked a few pebbles with his feet and groaned.
"Why not? Is it cause of how I treated you? Do you not trust me? Well, guess what. I don't like being left in the dark. You said you trusted me! So don't lie to me!" Once he shouted those words with his harsh tone of voice he instantly looked guilty. I got up and ran into the house as tears cascaded down my face. I sprinted up all the flights of stairs with a new found strength and dashed straight into my bedroom. I slammed the door shut and locked it behind me.
I ran to my bag and pulled out a pair of scissors. I dragged it across my forearm as I sobbed. I knew it. He doesn't give a fuck about my feelings. He's frustrated and took it out on me. I don't matter to him. None of this matters to him. He pounded on my bedroom door screaming my name but I didn't budge. The scratches on my arm turned into a bright red.
I walked slowly into the bathroom and shut the door. I turned on the water and stepped in, still wearing my clothes. I slowly unclipped my bra and pulled off my skirt and panties. I sat down in the shower and closed my eyes, focusing on the feeling of the water beat against my back. Before I knew it I was muttering Jungkook's name. Tears fell down my face as I cried into my hands.
    After I while I shut off the water and stared down at the scratches on my arm. These weren't enough. I slowly climbed out of the shower and stumbled into the steamy bathroom. I wiped the condensation off of the mirror and stared at my red, puffy eyes and blotchy skin. I fished through the cabinets until I found a set of razors.
    I have nothing to lose in this life anyways.
    I dragged it across my skin feeling the burning feeling rip through my nerves. I watched as blood trickled down my arm from my wound. I dragged the razor over my skin once more before I stopped and stared at my arm. My whole forearm was coated in cuts after cuts. It was disgusting.
    I grabbed a towel from the cabinets and pressed it against my arm. I looked up at the mirror again and stared at my reflection. I noticed that Jungkook had stopped pounding on the door as I bandaged up my arm. It was still mid day but I pulled on a grey sweatshirt and black pants and slipped under the satin covers.
    The bed was cold and I missed the warmth from Jungkook's body from last night. The feeling of his muscles under his clothes flex and relax as he breathed. How his hand would close around mine. How his skin was soft and smooth. How his breathing was so calming. Now I was alone avoiding the one person who made me happy. I disappointed him.
    I laid in bed but I couldn't sleep. I tried counting sheep but the numbers merged in my head and it became a bundled mess. My breathing became rapid as I realized what was coming. I grew anxious and memories of my past hit me like bricks, one after the other. I let out choked sobs as my body trembled. I forced myself out of the bed and stumbled into the bathroom.
    I leaned over the toilet and shoved my fingers deep into my throat. As I vomited my heartbeat slowed gently. I took deep breaths and eventually calmed down. I leaned against the wall and looked down at my arm. Blood slightly soaked through the messy bandages but it worked. I trudged out of the bathroom and fell down on the carpeted floor, suddenly exhausted.
I heard a gentle knock on the door. I knew it was Jungkook so I ignored it. My head spun from how quick everything went wrong. I could hear another knock on the door and Jungkook's muffled voice. "(Y/n), spring break ends tomorrow. I'm real sorry. Please forgive me, I want to see your face again before school starts."
    I felt guilty as I listened to his voice. I stood up and slowly made my way to the door. I rested my hand on the silver handle and looked up at the white door. I unlocked it slowly and after taking a couple deep breaths, I turned the handle, opening the door. There I saw Jungkook's face with tears running down his cheeks. He was leaning on the door for support and slightly stumbled when I opened it.
    Jungkook stared at me for a couple of seconds that felt like minutes. He then threw his arms around me, burying his face in my hair.
    "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean any of it!" He then mumbled something about how he doesn't understand how I like him. I shook my head and spoke softly.
    "I'm sorry Jungkook."