Back: A Bethyl Survival Story

This Could Be It

This Could Be It

I wake to her eyes on mine. How long has she been watching me sleep? I yawn and realize my hand is on her waist. I go to take it off and she stops me. Why? What could I possibly give you?

She leans over and kisses me. What! My body moves closer and I pin her to the bed. Why am I doing this? Do I have any control? I place my tongue in her mouth and she moans.

"Beth... we can't...." I say between kisses.

"Why?" She pulls back and stares at me.

"You deserve better than me..."

"Daryl. Yer stupid you know that? I want you! And ONLY you!" She rolls over more upset than pissed off.

"Why?"

"Because I love you! Have for a while and you jus' don't seem to get it!"

I lay there dumb and blank. I don't know what to say. She loves me, but can I love her the way she needs me too.

"Don't know why I bother, you don't feel the same way bout me so..." she stands up and goes to leave.

I pull her back to me.

"I do love you! I jus... I'm not good at this. No ones ever loved me before!" Kissin her I try to show her. I fear I've failed though because she pulls back.

"Daryl you never let anyone in. How can people love you when you can't even love yerself?" She gets up and leaves. Shit.

I lay in bed for half the morning. My leg feels crampy and I feel like a jackass. That was no way to tell her how I feel. Uhhh. Am I really that Stupid?

"I made you breakfast." Her meek voice comes through the door as she scoots in backwards with a tray of food in her hands. She sounds sorta upset and her face says the same. Setting the food on the table beside the bed I look her face up and down. "What?"

"Why you upset? Cause of me being stupid?" Is that a dangerous question? I think so.

"Yer not entirely smart no." She gives me a small smile and I give her one back also. "Daryl, I jus....huh, God what's wrong with me?" She looks up to the ceiling and covers her eyes. I tug her into my arms.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong with you. I promise." She looks at me and then back down.

"Daryl, I just.... since we've been together, I jus' have had this.....urge." Her voice gets really tiny as she finishes her sentence. I hear her perfectly clear though.

"That's not love then." I release her knowin it was too good to be true. I stand up and pain shoots through my leg.

"Daryl, wait! That's not fair of you..."

"Fair of me? Fair of ME! No what's not fair is you yellin' at me cause I told you how I felt and you! You tell me it's all an urge? Jesus Christ! I'm a fuckin' fool for thinkin' a girl like you could ever love me."

"Daryl stop..."

"No! In fact I bet ya also had tht urge for Jimmy and Zach!" She shrinks in her seat as my volume rises and rises. "Yeah, what I thought. Would've tol' em too if yer daddy weren't around cause you can't ever disappoint him!"

"That's enough, Daryl..."

"No! This could be it! This could've been what I never thought I'd ever have and now.... now I never will cause a dumb selfish bitch like you! To think I loved you and yer jus another dumb bitch looking for a fuck why ya can. Fuck this!" I walk out of the room and I can hear her start to cry. I should feel bad for what I said, but ya know I don't care at all. I peek out the window cracks, two walkers have appeared out of the bushes. Great, loud mouth got us in a tight jam again. I walk back up stairs and grab her wrist. "Let's go we have company!"

We run from our hiding place and they don't even know. We run and run, even though I feel really weak right now. I still have a hold of her wrist as we run. I don't look back at her, I'm too pissed off and hurt for that right now.

It takes a couple of hours before we find an SUV to stay the night in. Sitting in the front seat I finished blacking out the windows. I grip the steering wheel and want to beep the horn so damn loud out of anger. Beth jumps in the car. She was out searching a vehicle up ahead for any supplies. Look like she found nothin. Great.

We sit in silence until I feel my head bob up an down from dozing off. I feel two taps on my shoulder.

"Come lay down. I'll keep watch." I slide out of the front seat and into the back. The seat were cleared out so it's just a floor now. Laying some blankets down I use my bag as a pillow. As my eyes start to drift off again, the silence goes ever so slightly. "Yer right."

I don't say a word.

"I am jus another... dumb bitch. But I do love you Daryl... I know I do." I jus lay there. Maybe she thinks I'm sleeping. "The reason I know is cause I felt a while ago, this butterfly stuff in my stomach. It was whenever you were close to me. And then when I saw you on the couch after all that time...huh, I jus wanted to tell you. My urge wasn't to have sex. Because I know you wouldn't want that from me... My urge was to tell you how much I love you, but what do I know. So you're right, Mr. Dixon. I am a dumb bitch. Cause I believed I could make someone feel the same way bout me as I do for them."

The silence comes back quickly. God how mean I was. I sit back up and move to the passenger seat. She has small tears in her eyes and she refuses to look at me. Making her, I gently tug at her face and pull her chin to look at me.

"I'm not right at all. I'm the stupid one. I'm... I'm sorry, Beth. I... I love you and Have for a while also... jus stupid I guess for not tellin' you." She leans over and hugs me tightly. She cries into my shoulder and I leave a kiss or two on her neck.

"You need to sleep. Yer leg's been killing you lately." She wipes the tears away and I smile. Crawling back to the back of the SUV, I lay down and watch the back of her head.

Closing my eyes all I see is her beautiful face.