optional // l.s.

one (*)

trigger warning: self harm

when i say take these warnings seriously, i mean it. we're on the first chapter and there's a trigger warning. a ¤ will be added to the start and beginning of the triggering scene, you are more than welcome to skip it.

---

"get out of my way," louis grumbled and shoved past a boy, walking straight to his locker. he didn't look anywhere else as he inserted his combination and pulled out his pencil pouch. it's been calling his name all morning. it was a sickening blue with a few blotches of brown in random areas. louis' skin burned as he grabbed it and he held it close as he slammed the metal door shut.

he kept his eyes on his feet as he walked to the bathroom. it was almost an everyday routine for him. wake up, avoid his brother, skip breakfast and walk to school. don't talk to anyone, be a dick, hide in a stall and bleed.

he hated his life.

he hated his family, his school, himself. he was disgusted with everything in the world except for a few things -- his creative writing class, his snake named eve and his somewhat best friend, liam. liam was too busy focusing on his boyfriend though so all louis had to make himself happy was metal and a scaly reptile who likes mice.

he always made sure the restrooms were empty before he completely went in. he spent a little bit of time in there and was always late to class, but his teachers got used to it and expected the blue-eyed boy to show up about twenty minutes late. they never questioned it since louis didn't really care anyways. as long as he showed his face and turned in his work, he was marked present and left alone.

¤ louis took his hoodie off and laid his forehead against the wall, taking a deep breath before unzipping the tiny bag and pulling out his blade.

one.

two.

three.

just for the moment, louis thought. just for now.

forget about him.

forget about the entire world for just a few minutes and focus on yourself.

you're nothing. they're right.

you're the failure child.

you are a mistake.

go again.

and again.

just one more.

there we go.

louis watched as his own blood dripped into the toilet. until he got nauseas, he just stared at his arm and then dabbed the blood up with some toilet paper before flushing and stepping out. he opened his backpack and wrapped his arm up before putting his hoodie back on. it didn't hurt, he was used to it. ¤

louis couldn't even look at himself in the mirror without wanting to punch his reflection away. he didn't bother to look at how fucked up he appeared. he didn't want to look at the two-days sober eyes and think maybe, just maybe he can get through it.

he couldn't.

he couldn't get through this. a piece inside of him told him he needed his family. it said to never give up on them, maybe they really do love you. but then another piece says if you leave, you're a pussy, you're weak.

fuck.

louis heard the bell ring and for once, he was in class on time.

---

"today is going to be a little different," louis' teacher said once everyone was seated. it was after lunch, and louis' less hated class. creative writing with mr. styles. he usually gave them new vocabulary sheets once a week and had them write something using one or two of the words they learned.

"since fall break is nearing, it's the end of one quarter. so we have to have a small final for the time we've been in here, and i want you all to write something that pertains to you. not the class, not the content, you and your life. it could be a poem, a song of your own, a song you can relate to, anything. you can give a background of it's relevance if you would like," harry, mr. styles, crossed his arms as he leaned back. "you have a week. get started."

louis frowned. there were too many options right then and there. too many songs he could name off the top of his head. but how could he use it as a project and keep the message to himself? his teacher studied english for pete's sake. he could read you like a book.

louis was a book that begged to stay shut.

the rest of the day was a blur. he zoned out of the rest of his lectures and dreaded going home. he didn't want to deal with his family, but he needed to shower and feed eve so he walked his usual route back to his shitty house, with shitty landscaping and shitty people inside.

"hello, baby brother."

louis shuddered. his voice was sickening, laced a sweet poison. he hated it. it made his stomach churn with every word spoken, directly and indirectly. the deep sound, the accent, louis wanted to throw up.

"did you have a good day at school?" his brother asked.

louis shrugged and toed his shoes off. his brother stepped closer and louis didn't dare to look the boy in the eye.

"did you have a good day at school?" his brother repeated again. louis weakly nodded, eyes on the floor. he noticed their feet were roughly the same size. something alike about them, that's odd.

"i've had a rough day. i need your help," his brother whispered in his ear and louis closed his eyes. home sweet home.

---

so here's the first part. it's short, i know. but it's just a little introduction to louis & the beginning of the plot. it was roughly 900 words, chapters will normally be between 1-2000, more if drama or dialogue is added. trigger warnings will be posted right at the beginning of chapters, in BOLD, WITH an asterisk (*) next to the chapter title. so you cant ignore them. i know what i put in here and if someone tries to say "you didnt warn us", yes i did. it will say, as plain as day, "trigger warning: ____."

next chapter will be up soon (: