ALiVE (KHR Fanfic)

123. Sunrise

I felt Mukuro tense. He didn't really like being told he belonged with Sawada Tsunayoshi, but I persisted, "...the me that was in the Future, and the me just about a few months ago. They're not me-- not anymore. So can I really serve the sky they strove to serve?"

I thought back to Xanxus. 

To Squalo, and to the rest of the Varia. The connection, the rejection and the exclusion.

"The man I wanted to follow-- the one I wanted to follow-- they're likely no longer the one for me," I felt hurt just needing to admit this one fact, "I want to believe that my sky is somewhere else. Somewhere, someone can let me flow freely, like the cloud I don't understand I am."

My finger ran over the Void Ring. 

"The Void was a very tempting place. I didn't need to do anything. No decisions, no sufferings, no hardships, no pain," I rambled, "I thought everything could be as easy as the nothingness of that place."

Bringing my hand to my face, I folded down my wristband and looked at it-- at the birthmark I loved and despised so much. 

Mukuro cast a forlorn gaze toward me.

"Will you not follow Sawada Tsunayoshi?" Mukuro asked.

I didn't answer.

"Then, do you believe your sky to be that... Xanxus?" he asked again.

My face buried in my knees, I could not answer.

"I see," Mukuro was understanding. Lifting his head to the sky, his next words were chosen with consideration. "If you hate to be astray, would you be content with me?"

I tensed.

Craning my head up slightly, I felt a tear coming at me again. 

"I'm sorry, Mukuro," I told him, choking back words, "I don't think you're the one for me, either."

I couldn't bear to look at him-- but I knew he was looking at me.

Mukuro chuckled, a strangely delighted 'Kufufu' rumbling from his throat. His body shook slightly on my back, and he seemed to lean in closer.

"I hope you'll find your sky then, someday," Mukuro assured me, "One you'll live and die for with a smile on your face."

"Does that apply to you and Tsuna too?"

"You really like to get on my nerves, huh?"

-

When I woke up, the world was a blur. My throat was dry, but the clumsy newbie nurse had left my source of water on the cupboard much too far for reach.

There was a light pouring into the room-- the door was slightly ajar. Lifting my head slightly, I noticed a girl by the door. When my sight adjusted to the dark, I took in her purple hair. 

She peeked in nervously, her body in clear sight but she still failed to take a step in.

I shuffled a little, and she visibly jumped in surprise.

Getting up with a little effort, I chuckled. 

"Great timing, could I trouble you for some water?" I decided to ask, my voice a little strained but could be easily dismissed as sleep babble, "there's a jug to the right."

Panic evident in her movements, she registered what I had asked for her. Quickly entering, she closed the door behind her as quietly as she could, reaching for the jug-- looking for a glass, figuring out where to pour and how-- she was nervous, but she quite obediently did just as requested before meekly handing it to me.