Drifting Apart

Chapter 9: Rewind

Ilhoon hesitated as the door slowly swung open. He swallowed and took a deep breath as he quietly walked in, his heart practically jumping out of his chest. He opened the curtains to a sickly girl sleeping in the hospital bed and a disheveled man sitting next to her. Ilhoon instinctively turned his head away as he walked towards the couch to sit.

Still not making eye contact, he wondered aloud, "So why does she need me?" Hyunsik sighed loudly as he turned towards Ilhoon.

"You should visit her sometimes. Even if she doesn't remember you, it helps to have you around," he softly said, careful not to wake the sleeping girl. Ilhoon scoffed.

"As if," he said to himself. Who would need someone like him?

Hyunsik, noticing Ilhoon's troubled face, slowly stood up and sat down next to him. "It'll be alright," he reassured him. Ilhoon smiled gratefully at him and looked over at his sleeping sister.

"So what exactly happened to her?" He asked Hyunsik.

Hyunsik looked towards Minjoo. He scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"I don't know," he said quietly, "she just fainted out of nowhere." Hyunsik's face was shaded with a darkness, feeling at fault for taking her outside the hospital so often.

Ilhoon nodded slowly, remembering how weak his sister's body was. He got up and went to her side, his face dark as his heart was slowly filled with guilt. Why couldn't he be there for the one person who needed him most?

He softly cursed under his breath, realizing how selfish he has been recently, tossing everything away just to make himself feel better.

Ilhoon gently sat down and grabbed Minjoo's hand. He squeezed it softly and watched her sleep, her chest slowly rising and falling as she breathed slowly.

The 3 stayed in the room like that for what seemed like forever, as if they were stuck in time.

Hyunsik gazed at the two siblings together, feeling relieved that Ilhoon was finally next to Minjoo. As he observed them, he noticed something off about Ilhoon. He looked as miserable and terrified as he did when Minjoo got into the accident, the beginning of his downward spiral. It was a day he knew the two of them would never forget. Since that day, Hyunsik seemed to be the only one of the two who was able to move on. Ilhoon constantly tried to run away from the reality, something that always made Hyunsik sick with worry. He was always watching Ilhoon suffer by himself, only getting worse as days passed.

Hyunsik cleared his voice. His solemn face cracked into a small smile as he thought of words to say.

"It really is nice to see you finally next to her like this," he said aloud. Ilhoon looked up and turned towards him.

"Yeah?" He asked, then gazed back at his sister, still sleeping soundly. His face softened.

"I guess," he said to himself. Ilhoon still felt extremely nervous and awkward being in the room, but somehow it was comforting being with his sister.

Hyunsik got up and stood next to Ilhoon. His mind was racing with all sorts of things to ask him, but he didn't know what topic would be right to bring up. As he observed Ilhoon, he noticed the mess on his head and chuckled. Hyunsik ruffled it, making it even more messy.

"So, what happened here?" He laughed. Ilhoon rubbed his head, remembering what he did to it. Ilhoon smiled for the first time since entering the room.

"I don't know, something came over me when I cut it. But I like it." Ilhoon then recalled why he cut it in the first place. His relaxed face fell once more into the glum face he had before.

Ilhoon nervously twiddled his thumbs as he mentally recited his speech to Hyunsik. He knew he had to open up to him one day, and he felt that today was the right time.

"I've been thinking," he began. Hyunsik stood quietly, waiting for him to continue.

Ilhoon cleared the lump in his throat. He tried to make eye contact with Hyunsik, but he couldn't bring himself to look up at his best friend.

"I've... been really selfish lately."

Hyunsik opened his mouth to retort but Ilhoon cut him off.

"Don't deny it. I already know how I've been recently. Denying it will only make me feel worse." Ilhoon took a deep breath before continuing.

"I know you have many questions that I should have answered long ago. I still can't bring myself to answer them all yet, but I thought that I at least should tell you some things before I'm ready to answer your questions."

Ilhoon slowly raised his head to look at Hyunsik.

"I cut my hair because of the situation with Sungjae," Hyunsik nodded, he already figured that out.

Ilhoon paused, not knowing what to say. His mind raced with things he desperately wanted to say.

"I've been running away from the truth for years and years," Ilhoon waved his hand in Minjoo's direction, "and it just keeps getting worse and worse."

Ilhoon dropped his head down and stared at his hands.

His voice cracking, he quietly muttered, "...I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so... lost..."

Hyunsik squatted down to be eye level with Ilhoon. He patted Ilhoon's knees, lost for words.

"I think you just need to take a step back." Hyunsik got up and paced around the room.

"The way I see it, you're pushing yourself too hard, trying to keep up with the world. But the world is going so fast and it won't stop. It never will."

Ilhoon covered his face with his hands. He didn't understand what Hyunsik was trying to say.

"You're lost because you don't remember the where you once were." Hyunsik stopped pacing and glanced outside the window, watching the busy street.

Ilhoon looked up and stared at Hyunsik's back. He had no idea where Hyunsik was trying to take the conversation.

Hyunsik turned around and laughed.

"That sounded so deep that I kind of want to cringe," he chuckled.

Ilhoon cracked a smile and laughed awkwardly. Hyunsik started collecting his items as he prepared to leave.

"I wasn't really joking though." He slung his backpack over his shoulder.

"I think you just need to some things be the past and move on." Hyunsik pointed to his phone.

"Talk to Sungjae again. Make up, and try to be friends with his new friends. I know you're not clingy." He patted Ilhoon's shoulder. "Don't take everything to heart, yeah? I believe in you."

With that, he quietly left the room, leaving Ilhoon drowning in his words.

Ilhoon couldn't process Hyunsik's words at all. His thoughts were racing around, trying to grasp the meaning of his words.

How does he simply "go back"?

Ilhoon scoffed. Too much had happened for him to go back that easily. Hyunsik knew him like the back of his hand, but he seemed to forget how long Ilhoon held grudges.

Ilhoon's phone buzzed, distracting him from his thoughts.

The text was from Hyunsik. Ilhoon looked over at Minjoo and hesitantly read his message.

Rewind. Press play. Do it well.

Ilhoon cursed under his breath. How did he remember their album they wrote together? It was 6 long years ago and they didn't even release it.

Ilhoon couldn't help but laugh. He was no good with Hyunsik. Ilhoon got up and prepared to leave. He looked down at Minjoo and softly smiled.

"I'll be back."