Dance Like Juilliard's Watching

7.) Changes, Lies, & Facing Facts

I'm released from the hospital the following morning. I think I'm in shock.

Dancing is like how I breathe. I can't live without it. I don't know how. I'm glad no one blames Chase for this. I mean, he was with me, and he was driving, but if the semi driver had been more cautious, I wouldn't be here. I would be dancing.

I was excused from my classes for the past few days to 'recover from the trauma.' I can go back to school tomorrow. But I still have to face Ms. Rose.

My dad drives me to my dance studio. "Okay, here we are," Dad says trying to be cheerful. "Are you sure you don't want me to go in there with you?"

I shake my head. "I need to do this myself." I take a deep breath.

"Jessie?" Dad says. "Are you okay?"

"No," I say, tearing up. "Going in there and facing Ms. Rose makes it...I don't know...real, I guess. Right now I feel like this is someone else's life. Like this isn't really me and eventually I'll wake up and I'll be able to dance again. But now, going in there, preparing to do what I'm about to do....it makes me realize that this is my life. I'm not dreaming. This is really happening. And it sucks."

I'm full out sobbing now. Dad hugs me tightly.

"It's going to be okay, Jess. It could've been so much worse."

"Yeah I know," I say wiping my tears. I grab my crutches out of the backseat and hobble into the dance studio for what I hope won't be the last time.

"Jessabelle!" Ms. Rose yells in her thick Spanish accent when she hears me enter. Her back is turned to me. "You missed classes this week! Is everything all ri-" She stops talking when she turns and sees me there with one-and-a-half legs.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Rose," I say, crying again. "But I can't dance here right now. Or anywhere, at that."

"Oh, Jessie," she says. Jessie. Never in my life has she called me Jessie. It's always been Jessabelle.

Everything is different now.

"Tell me what happened." So I did. It took a really long time, but I told her everything. When I finally finished, she asked a single question.

"What about Juilliard?"

I sighed. "I guess I have to forget about all that."

"I'm so sorry Jessabelle," Ms. Rose says again.

Back at home, I finally got a response from Emerson. We called him again last night to tell him I'd be released from the hospital. No answer. Again.

Emerson- Hey babe! Sorry I missed your calls! What's up?

Me- Oh, nothing, just the fact that I got in a car crash. How about you?

Emerson- WHAT??? You got in a car crash??? When??

Me- Oh, just a few days ago when my family called you about eight thousand times. WTF Emerson??? Where were you?

Five minutes pass before I get a response.

Emerson- I was busy.

Me- BUSY???? I WAS IN THE FREAKING HOSPITAL AND YOU WERE BUSY???

Emerson- I'm sorry okay? You're okay right?

Me- Oh yeah, completely fine. After the coma and the leg amputation, trauma is just a walk in the park.

Emerson- WHAT???

Me- Yeah Em!! I got half my leg cut off and was in a coma for 2 days!! You would know that if you would ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE!!!

Fuming, I send off another text at rapid-fire speed.

Me- I'll never be able to dance again either. NEVER Emerson. Not unless I get a prosthetic leg, and even then it'll be too late for Juilliard.

Emerson- Oh my God, babe...I'm so sorry.

Me- Me too.

Emerson- Will you be in school tomorrow?

Me- Yeah. Why?

Read.

I stared at my phone in shock. No response. How could he just leave? And just after I told him what happened. I looked at my clock. 11:46 PM. I should get some sleep.

The next day at school, I counted the strange and sympathetic glances I got from so many people around school. By the time I reached my locker, it was fourteen and counting. I haven't seen Chase yet either. I hope he's okay. I decide to text Emerson so he knows I'm here. Even after our fight, I forgive him and I still love him. Forever and always.

Me- Hey babe. Just got to school. See you soon.

I just got my books for the morning when I spot Lilie running towards me at top speed.

"Jessie!" She yells, earning her some strange glances of her own.

"Hey Lills. What's up?"

"I have to tell you something really important, and I'm completely sure you're going to like it." Lilie is completely out of breath.

"Slow down Lills. You have to keep up with me now, remember?" I joke.

Lilie smiles for half a second, and then her face turns dead serious.

Uh oh, I think. Serious Lilie is never good. I can't remember the last time I saw her like this, apart from her coming to see me at the hospital.

"Lilie, you're scaring me."

"I just saw Emerson down the hall," Lilie begins.

"Oh, great, I need to go see him," I say, beginning to hobble down the hallway toward Emerson's locker.

"No, Jess," Lilie says, grabbing my arm and pulling me back to face her. "You don't understand."

"What?" I say, more worried than before. "Lilie, what's going on?"

"Emerson wasn't alone or with his friends," Lilie says.

I look at her, confused and worried. She answers the unasked question in my eyes.

"I saw him with another girl."

~