Insecure Too (Completed)

1

Three years later...

Yazmine

I pushed a tendril of curly hair behind my ear, concentrating. I was wishing I had tied my hair back, but I continued to brush green acrylic paint onto my canvas. The sweet sound of Jill Scott's melodic voice played in the background.

With second semester coming to an end, all my final projects were due and I was a little behind schedule on my painting. It needed to be perfect. I was so focused on my painting, I didn't hear my phone ring. Neither the first time or the second time. The only reason I even realized it had rung, was because when I finished painting with green, I decided to take a break. Wiping my hands, I stuck my paintbrush in a cup of water and pressed the home button on my phone, to check the time. That's when I saw two missed calls from Trey.

I laughed to myself, wondering what the boy wanted. Tapping my phone, I paused my playlist and dialed Trey back, sending him to speaker.

"I know you seen those calls."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah that's why I'm calling you back, duh. What you want? And no I don't have no food."

"You don't have no food? Wow, you need to fix that. But yo, that ain't why I'm calling. I'm at your front door."

"Oh, hold on." Ending the call I rushed out of my studio and to open the front door. I knew I looked a mess so I ushered Trey in quickly, hoping none of my neighbors caught a glimpse of me.

"Hey lil sis!" Trey scooped me in a hug. I stepped back, admiring the boy that had been a brother to me, basically since I met him. A couple years back, he was shot in the leg and they ain't expect him to play basketball again. But Trey was a determined man, and when he came off his crutches he did every physical therapy exercise assigned to him. He really put in work, and he eventually returned to the team last year, and even was the captain. Now my big brother was about to graduate.

"Bro," I sang. "Look at you, with your senior status."

He grinned. "Yeah I'm about to be out that bitch!" He eyed me. "You look like you tripped and fell in some paint."

In my excitement I forgot that I was covered in paint splatters. "Nigga, shut up. This the new trend, catch up."

Busting into laughter, Trey plopped into my couch like he owned the place, bringing back memories of the first time I met him. A lot had changed since then.

"So to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" I made my way into my cozy living room and took a seat on the same couch. "You been too busy for me lately."

He huffed. "Yeah, all this damn senior shit they got us running around doing. I'm just ready for graduation so I can be fucking done. You got snacks?"

I smacked him with a pillow. "Nigga! I said I ain't got no food."

"Damn I ain't know that mean no snacks. The struggle is real."

"Yes it is."

"You still seeing that corny ass nigga?"

"You know me and Brian been broke up. Stop playing." I rolled my eyes. I did not want to get into this again.

"Even his name corny. Yeah y'all broke up but I know how he always finds his way back into your life with his light skin ass."

"Well we done for real this time."

"Aight then. Nah but for real. I know I been busy, but I wanted to catch up, see how my lil sis been. And see how you feel about Tae coming in town, you ready for that?"

My heart stuttered. "Tae coming in town?"

Trey looked confused. "You ain't know? He made it seem like it was common knowledge."

"I did not know." I wasn't sure how to feel. Despite what Trey may think, Devonte and I very rarely communicated. But it's not like I didn't know things about him. I mean, I couldn't ignore his life. He was always in the tabloids and they were always showing clips of him on TMZ.

Devonte Taylor was a star. In the beginning, when he first got signed and everything, he called me up, super excited. I was so fucking proud of him, even though the label wasn't major, he was on his way. Nobody could have envisioned just how much people would love his music. The boy literally skyrocketed to fame, almost overnight.

Next thing I knew, he was dropping out of Unity and touring the country. Then the fucking world. And we ain't talk anymore.

It had been almost two years since I had seen him in person. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he changed when he became famous, not like he got Hollywood or nothing. I remember his first sold out show, it was actually in Atlanta and he left me two tickets.

That was the last time I saw him.

I was standing there, listening to the man whose heart I had handled carelessly and the guilt started eating me alive.

"Yeah, he's coming off tour, shit right about now. And of course a nigga not gonna miss your boy's graduation." Trey was oblivious to all the emotions I was struggling with. Despite how things ended between Tae and I, and Devonte's fame, him and Trey were still tight. So of course Devonte wouldn't miss his graduation. I should have known that. This shouldn't be surprising to me, yet it was.

"Of course," I echoed Trey, feeling numb.

"Is that gonna be awkward for you?"

"Why would it be awkward for me?" I wasn't following.

"He gonna be staying with me, like old times. So you probably gonna see him a lot. I know he wanna see you."

That shouldn't have made me feel good but it did. "I won't see him,"
I protested. "I'll let y'all spend time together I won't be over there."

"So you don't wanna see him?"

"It ain't that, but you right, it would be awkward." A thought came to me. "He's staying with you? Not in a fancy hotel?"

"Yeah, he actually came here kinda on the low. He don't particularly want the media harassing his fam, you know he gotta visit them."

Oh yeah. Devonte's family. His ex-con dad, drug dealing brother, and retired Aunt and uncle.

"Right." I played with the hem on my shirt. "Stacey cool with him staying?"

He sucked his teeth. "Man, Stacey don't run me. Yeah, she cool with it. And if she ain't she gonna act like she cool."

I shook my head. How this nigga managed to be in a relationship was beyond me.

Trey switched subjects, guiding the conversation back to Devonte. "You real life not tryna see Tae? At all? Not even off the friendship y'all used to have?"

It was like I didn't want to see him, because I didn't want any feelings to come back, I knew there was no way we would ever work as a couple again, but on the other hand I did want to see him because simply put, I was curious. I had so many questions.

I just ain't know if I deserved answers.