Insecure Too (Completed)

Prologue

I just want to say thank you so much for reading this. Never in my life did I think Insecure would get positive attention to the point that I would be writing a sequel. Bear with me though lol. Yaz and Tae's story may not be over but it's about to be a bumpy ride.

Baby J

Devonte

"Fuck!"

Slamming my fist into the steering wheel of my brand new car, I cursed again. "Fuck!"

I had left Yazmine's apartment only twenty minutes earlier and now I was parked outside my own residence. I ain't want to go in.

I told her I loved her.

Her reaction was forever burned in my mind, immortalized by my memory.

"I love you too," she told me, beaming. But her eyes were still watery. They were still uncertain, and I was uneasy. "But I have to let you go." I didn't even remember closing the distance between us again, and suddenly I was cradling her face.

She felt too good, to be ending things and I had to get out of there. I pulled away, and studied her face, a face that was starting to become as familiar as my own.
I didn't have anything left to say. She made her decision, so what I wanted didn't matter no more. I think she saw the resignation in my eyes.

"Maybe we can still be friends?"

"Yeah," I answered mindlessly.

Then I escaped into my car and drove and drove and drove. Now that I was parked, her words came back to me. Friends? It was like she did a 360 to when I was first pursuing her. I ain't want to torture myself with being Yazmine's friend. Nah, fuck that.

Something broke in my chest but I hoped it wasn't my heart because then that would make me pathetic.

The crazy part was everything else in my life wanted to finally go right. I was sitting in a brand new car, that I bought cash money because I won a little competition a while back and my check finally came. I had two different record labels interested in me, and ironically they were both in Atlanta.

I had been planning on spending Winter Break in Atlanta, getting to know where Yaz grew up, meeting her family, allat. And letting her know that just maybe my career was about to take off. But, I fucked it up. One small truth that I withheld and I blew up a whole relationship.

I should have known better. I was dating a girl with trust issues and I gave her a reason not to trust me. Yeah, I learned a lesson but it was a hard one to learn since it meant I wouldn't have Yaz no more.

I finally got out of my car and unlocked the door to the apartment I now shared only with Trey. He was home, in the couch, playing the game but as soon as I walked in he paused it.

He saw it on my face but he asked anyway. "What she say?"

"She broke up with me." I stalked to the kitchen. I heard some shuffling around and Trey came in, on his crutches.

"Nigga, what you mean? You let her break up with you?"

"Let her? Nigga, I can't stop her from doing what she want, you sound dumb." I opened the fridge and eyed the contents.

"Nah, you sound dumb. How you let her break up with you? Should have been like nah, it's me and you, ain't no breaking up." He eased himself into a chair and propped his crutches on the counter.

"First off, this ain't a damn movie. I ain't forcing nobody to be in a relationship with me. Second, I been chasing Yaz since day one. I'm fucking done. Fuck relationships."

I located some three day old spaghetti and pulled it out. It was already in a plastic container so I just popped it in the microwave.

"Yeah, sure you are. Yo sensitive ass, you always in a relationship."

"Nah, I'm done. Me and Yaz done, and I lo-really liked that girl. I don't got no more like left. Ima get my nut and go."

I didn't even know how this shit was gonna work. How I was gonna avoid Yaz on campus. The good news was I ain't have to yet, since she went home for winter break.

It was so fucking weird. She would text me now and then and I would do my best to respond but it always felt forced. And suddenly we kind of both stopped texting each other. I know why I stopped, I was tired of hearing about her life while not being in her life.

I stayed up in Indiana for a couple weeks then the first record label flew me down to Atlanta. It was my first time in Georgia. When I stepped off the plane, I just saw the typical crowded airport and I picked up my backpack, all I brought with me and shuffled out to arrivals.

There was a guy, who looked forty-ish in a suit with a thin jacket over it, holding a sign that said Vibez Productions. Judging from everyone's attire, I wasn't gonna need the thick coat I brought with me. I strode over to the Vibez guy and he stuck out a hand.

"Mr. Devonte Taylor?"

"Yeah. You can just call me Devonte."

"Well you can call me Mr. Wilson. I'm with Vibez, and I'm going to drop you off at your hotel."

I just nodded and followed him outside. I don't know why I was expecting a limo or some shit. He drove a huge, shiny black SUV. Caddy.

I got in the back and leaned my head against the seat. I was trying to see what the hype was about.

Atlanta.

I watched as we merged onto the highway, leaving the huge airport behind. For the first few minutes there wasn't much. Then we started hitting traffic and I could see the looming skyscrapers.

A skyscraper is a skyscraper and it wasn't like we ain't have that shit in Indiana. But as he drove me through downtown Atlanta I recognized that ain't no city like this. It was the attitude.

Like, it's hard to explain but I felt it. In the way people hustled down the sidewalks, and rode in their cars. The way they dressed. The murals and graffiti on the wall.

Everything had attitude. It was a city a nigga could fall in love with.

For the first time in weeks, I stopped focusing on Yaz and my failures as a boyfriend. Aight, that ain't true. I still was thinking about Yaz. I mean, damn I was in her city. She could be walking down the very street Mr. Wilson drove down or shopping in a store we drove past or eating in a place I would want to eat at. Her house could be anyone of these houses we zoomed past, but I kind of doubted it since she seemed a lil upper class and these houses weren't much. I started picturing myself bumping into her. Nah, that would be too much of a coincidence. Atlanta was big as fuck. Unless I called Yaz up, I probably wouldn't see her. I didn't want to see her, anyways. Because then everything I had been trying to bury, every feeling I didn't want to feel anymore would come rushing to the surface. And I was done with feelings.

What me and Yaz had was so good, it couldn't have been true. But I meant what I said when I told her if you love something let it go. I was gonna let Yaz go. How ironic when I was right in her city and the thing I wanted to do most was FaceTime her and tell her all the shit that was going right in my life.

That's one of the things I missed most. Every time some shit happened, good or bad I wanted to tell her, go run my mouth like a female to my girl but I couldn't.

But shit. I took a deep breath as we arrived in front of a huge hotel. They was trying impress a nigga. And I would let em. This was the life I wanted to live one day. Hotels, new cities, new sights.

I wanted a future in rap, in the very city I was in.

I was about to put Devonte Taylor on the map, right here in a city that birthed legends.