Gabriel

Chapter 4

My chest heaved with every breath I took. I grunt and grit my teeth together while my body had become noticeably slick with sweat.  I take one step and lose my balance, only to feel something abruptly stop me from falling onto the ground. I feel my arm wrapped around a pair of shoulders and exhale sharply as they stand me up straighter.

"You never know when to stop, Gabriel," I feel a sheet thrown over my bareback.

"Des?" The sun had barely set. He must have woken up earlier once he sensed I wasn't home. 

A change of scenery was needed after the incident in London. It had been three weeks since I shifted the first time. The experience must have overwhelmed me because I could not recall what happened for the rest of the night. Desiderius explained that I began to act animalistic and ran off. He found me just before dawn next to a deer carcass. 

We were in Scotland now, somewhere hidden and secluded so that I may roam the woods freely without running into anyone. I didn't support the change, but Desiderius insisted no matter what. 

The woods became my sanctuary, and every day I would train to be faster, stronger, and grow used to the pain of shifting, but I felt inadequate. I had not seen another wolf for five years, hadn't fought one, or ran with one. If I didn't train hard enough, I felt like I would never receive justice for what was done to me because I would be too weak.

"I can walk the rest of the way." I remove myself from him and place the sheet over both my shoulders as our cottage came into view. 

"You have to stop this, Gabriel." I stop walking.

"I know what you are doing. You are angry." He says, confusing me.

"How could I be angry? I have my wolf. I have you. I'll have everything soon enough." I smile at him.

"You're not ready." My chest constricts.

"I know you hardly sleep. And now, every day, you're exhausting yourself to reach the level that your father and that Caleb are at -" I ball my fist as he mentions them.

"You won't defeat them this way." He says, and now I began to feel angry.

"And what other way is there? I wonder.. what was it that you promised me five years ago?" I ask him and watch his jaw tighten.

The subject was practically taboo between us since I became his familiar. But I never forgot it. 

Desiderius would turn me into a vampire.

"You are not ready." He repeats himself.

"You can't do it, can you?" I say, and his silence spoke volumes.

"You lied to me. Tricked me into becoming your familiar and took me away from my home."

"I have never lied to you, Gabriel. I would be risking your life if I tried to turn you now. To lose you would unbearable if you would only trust my judgment." I grew angrier with every excuse he gave.

I gave him nothing but years of service and loyalty. But now that justice was close, he was acting strange. It was as if the appearance of my wolf changed the dynamic of power between us. I was no longer that weak human boy to him. As he said, I was a man now, and I no longer wanted to serve. I wanted my father's and Caleb's blood.

"I won't listen to this." I shed the blanket off my shoulders and growl ferociously as my wolf appears and runs away from him.

"Gabriel! Gabriel come back!" he shouts after me.

He could catch up easily, but I was glad he didn't.

I was furious, frustrated, and...tired.

Desiderius wasn't wrong, and I hated him for it. 

I recall that it would take a wolf months before the pain of shifting no longer bothered them. Not to mention the bond they must form with their wolf, who was always invading my mind. I didn't know how to feel about him. He was me, but I could not recognize him as such. He felt like a foreigner, and I would evade every single one of his protruding thoughts. But he persisted.

What would a vampire know of a wolf's struggles?...

I stopped running when I reached a stream to cool down and compose myself.

"He has met hundreds of wolves in his lifetime."

And has killed thousands more, no doubt.

He despised Desiderius and voiced it constantly. 

"He is all that I have," I murmur. 

Elijah should have been with us...

My body stiffens.

Elijah...I haven't thought about my older brother in years. It made me feel sick and guilty. There had been so much anger and pain between my father and Caleb, it overshadowed the remaining love that I knew the rest of my family had for me. 

"Don't say his name. You never knew him. You weren't here when you were supposed to be, and all of this would have never happened!" I scream out loud.

We should be with our own kind.

His ignorance only enraged me.

My own kind. My own kind. My own fucking kind. 

I had disowned wolves when a vampire welcomed me. But I felt inadequate without wolves around me now that I was one. I was lost.

You will never be rid of me. And when you die, I will find you again in another life. 

I have to accept him. Judging by the way he spoke, I knew he couldn't be lying. 

"What use are you to me? Besides being a nuisance." I ask him.

Companionship or Wisdom. I will always be here for you, Gabriel. I know you are angry because I had not come sooner. Even I am unsure of why things turned out this way. But they cannot be undone. We must make peace with this. 

"Gabriel!" I do not turn when I hear Des call my name.

"Gabriel?" He stands behind me, and I hear him drop a pile of clothes at my feet.

"Get dressed. There's someone I want you to meet." I look up at him, intrigued. 

Desiderius was very private about his life. Any questions I asked him about his age, his time as a human, or of his family were either dismissed or vaguely answered. For a moment, I wondered what kind of person would be friends with him. Another vampire, perhaps. Or something different.