The Woes and Wonders of the World: Hetalia Headcanon One-Shots

What Even Is A Fall Out Boy? (RusAme)

(https://www.buzzfeed.com/kristinharris/40-fall-out-boy-lyrics-every-emo-kid-lived-for?utm_term=.kvj1OLxNj7#.jgdE61q0yD – link for lyrics I chose to use)

He blinked, then blinked again, and when that yielded no difference, he rubbed at his eyes before sighing in a mix of resignation and disbelief.

Yes, English was not his first language, and of course plenty of the more unique phrases and idioms and metaphors and what-have-yous still escaped him sometimes, but this level of confusion was beyond reason. He had been studying the language for decades, surely his grasp of it was not so thin as to be completely, utterly lost upon scanning the webpage.

You wouldn't know a good thing if it came up and slit your throat.

What on earth is that supposed to mean?

Ivan reread the sentence, convinced that somehow the lyrics would rearrange themselves into some logical pattern for his brain to take in. He knew what a good thing was, and he knew what slitting someone's throat was, so how were these two things meant to be related?

A small growl of frustration left his throat, before he scrolled down the page more, then almost flinched upon discovering the next hang up.

Drop a heart, break a name.

Wasn't it supposed to be hearts that break, and names that get dropped? He was almost positive that he had learned those two expressions in reverse of how they were presented, but maybe they could go both ways? But then what did dropping a heart imply: carelessness, clumsiness, splitting up? And how do you break a name? Mispronounce it? Maybe overuse it? Or say it too loudly, or not loudly enough, or when a person doesn't want their name said, or –

Ivan groaned, letting his head fall onto the keyboard as his mind went into overdrive trying to make sense of the words.

Joke me something awful?

The ribbon on my wrist?

Poets are just kids who didn't make it?

What even was any of this?

Then there were the names of the songs themselves, which Ivan couldn't puzzle out even if his love for Alfred depended on it.

"This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race", "I've Got A Dark Alley and A Bad Idea that Says You Should Shut Your Mouth", "The Pros and Cons of Breathing", "Alone Together", "Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner", "Grand Theft Autumn" – he almost let a whimper escape his mouth at how he struggled to comprehend their meanings, and their connection to the meaning of the songs, whatever those were! Maybe if they were shorter titles, he would have a better shot at understanding what they were saying, but some of them seemed more like threats than anything to do with the content. And – oh my gosh – this song title didn't even have any vowels in it! Weren't those required in all English words?

What was going on?

And the band name itself: Fall Out Boy.

What does that mean?

Each word individually made sense to him, but combined? What even is a fall out boy?

Ivan slammed the laptop shut, fighting back a scream of exasperation.

He had tried, he really had! He knew how much Alfred loved this band, so he had put in the effort to try to learn their songs and figure out what they were about.

But this? This was impossible, ridiculous! The band made absolutely no sense, it was like their songs were being written by a bunch of monkeys!

This was hopeless.

-----

Alfred found Ivan with his head in his hands, slumped over his desk.

It took persistence and hair petting to reveal the issue, while the American wiggled his way into the Russian's lap in order to be the pair of hands cradling that weary ash blonde head.

But to Ivan's horror and slight anger, Alfred laughed once he finally, reluctantly gave up what had him worked up. Alfred quickly seemed to realize his error though, and sobered up enough to reassure his love that his English was likely just fine, the band was just sometimes a bit... eccentric, with their choice of words when writing songs. Alfred even agreed to try to help his poor Russian sweetheart dissect some of the odder lyrics to uncover their meaning, and the laptop was opened to the webpage once more.

However, to Ivan's eternal distress, Alfred was entirely unhelpful with the lyrics. Instead, he exclaimed, "So that's what they say there!" as he read nearly every line, and Ivan could only groan once more in acquiescence, as the band's repertoire was perhaps forever lost to him.

The things he did for Alfred....

a/n: sort of minor reference to the music video for "Thnks fr th Mmrs" when I said that monkeys were involved in song creation