Impact [Jax Teller//Sons Of Anarchy]

Chapter Twenty One

I decided to make a list of everyone I hated.

The first was my mother. I hated her for giving me up so easily. I hated the fact that she didn’t even try to get to know me. If she had loved me at all she would have at least had the decency to tell me who my father was.

He was next on my list. If he was so in love with my mother and ready to settle down why did he never come looking for me? I had so many questions that only he had the answers to. I didn’t know whether he was alive or not. And no one else seemed to know (or care) either.

Barone was the one I hated the most. Not only did he take my mother away from me, but he also tried to turn me into her. I hated that he had ever touched me. I hated that he had used me. At least I found some consolation in the fact that he was buried somewhere in an unmarked grave where no one would ever find him. Jax had reassured me of that.

I hated Gemma. She had been just as bad as Barone. They both were trying to shape and mould me into what they thought I was. She never gave me a chance to be anything else. She saw me as a cheap skank and made sure I stayed that way.

Lastly, I hated myself.

I had no one to blame for how my life turned out but me. I was the one who ran away and took comfort in the fact that just because my mother had lived this life, I was destined to lead it too. I could have been like Tara. I could have gotten my shit together and taken control of my own life. I hated myself for thinking that I didn’t deserve more.

Between all this hate I found it hard to pick out any good things. I only had regrets and wishes for those I didn’t hate.

I hoped that Jax would someday find a different path in life. I knew all too well that you didn’t have to be what people expected you to be. He didn’t need to lead the MC. I hoped above all that he would find love. I hoped Tara would come back for him and talk sense into his head. I hardly even knew her, but I already wanted to be her. I had some pretty big shoes to fill.

I sat back against the wall of the van. Gemma’s punishment for me was worse than any physical torture I had imagined. I was being sent off to an MC in Nevada. Apparently they ran a strip club that was a front for some other illegal activities. They weren’t Sons, but they were still brothers of the club.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have been upgraded from hooker to stripper. Sounds like a pretty good deal, right? Wrong. I was also going to resume my role as crow eater. Only, I didn’t exactly know what they called it over in Nevada.

Gemma had thought up the perfect punishment. I was going to continue being the thing I hated until I either became too worn out or my debts had been paid. I knew the former would probably happen first.

I let out a chuckle as I thought of the whole fucked up situation. How one person can have such a big influence on another. I felt like a domino piece. I had just been knocked over, ready to leave an impact on the next.