𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙚 236

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Today I didn't go at Hoseok's.

Time seems frozen. It doesn't pass. The clock's hands move slowly and I'm here laying in bed, feeling something heavy that squashes my chest. It's October and there are 5°; it's cold and humid. If I turn my head I can see the grayness that pushes me and I remain still. I don't even want to imagine, the time. Nor read something or doing something. Nothing can fill the emptiness. It's like you've just discovered that you're into a chasm. I don't love myself enough to re-emerge. For that reason, I'm floating in the bed's surface, sinking into it and drowning.

One day, three Autumns.

I haven't seen him for 24 hours. A day that never finishes, so long that looks like three endless Autumns. I can feel his lack that sucks every strength that I have. 

I'm used to have him in front of me every minute,  since October, Going to him everyday. And even him, he searched me, but not today. 

I don't even like calling him 'habit'. Every session was different from the previous.  I desired him, even now.

I wonder if it's only a blander, another infatuation or love. I wonder if I should really harass myself with all these problems. I bet that Hoseok didn't thought of me today, not even for a second. After all, why he should?

I travel with my finger my whole body, in front of a mirror. I can see the slipstream that he left with his kisses, through the neck and my tummy. If I close my eyes I can still feel his lips on mine, so delicate but so intense.

I'm getting sick.